Hi,
Im new to mums net and haven't used before, but have had friends say that they have and found it useful to get other mums advise and opinions. I don't have many mum friends bar the school run ladies, who are nice but not friends so here goes.
I had my first child when I was 18 and hubby 21, and she is now 9, nearly 10. I had a fairly easy pregnancy and was healthy. Bar the fact that she stopped moving at 39 weeks and I was induced I enjoyed being pregnant. But I was so young, I was terrified too breastfeed because my boyfriend / now husbands family said they felt I should bottle feed as would be easier, so I did. I also only took 6 weeks mat leave due to finances.
I then had my 2nd child when I was 21 and hubby 23, I had a pretty tough time with her being born premature at 3lbs 12 and I had undiagnosed pre eclampsia thanks to a pretty pants midwife! She was born 6 weeks early and other than some initial issues feeding and jaundice is now perfectly healthy. But I also didn't breastfeed due to her needing prescription milk. Due to complications I ended up having an emergency C and given that I am petrified of needles was fairly traumatising. She is now 7 and is very happy and healthy. And thankfully I also have no issues since.
Over the last 3 years (since our wedding) Hubby and I have had the baby itch, and its been very overwhelming and consuming, I feel like its all we talk about sometimes.
The problem we have is that we are both on the same wave length and with that we can't decide, I have come off the pill maybe 5 times in the last year and gone back on it not long after. This time was the longest we have committed to the idea but part of me thinks this is due to covid.
The issues we have is that neither of us feel done, I also feel like I missed out on a proper mat leave, having 6 weeks with the first and 8 with the 2nd. And we were so young most of the time we had no idea what we were doing and so didn't get to enjoy the baby / toddler stage.
We are comfortable financially, and could take on the cost of a third but we don't currently own our own home and this is something we will be doing in the next 2 years, having a baby sets this back by 7 months approx financially but nothing to crazy, and we also don't mind where we live bar the stairs as were a top floor apartment, but there is space for a third luckily especially if only for a year or so.
The things that I think stop us fully committing are:
*Financials - we struggled and worked a crazy amount to get comfortable - would a baby set us back too far?
*Is there too big of an age gap to have a baby now?
*Am I just nostalgic and hubby is laid back so along for the ride?
*Is this due to covid and feeling stuck?
*Is this just because are friends are now at the stage that we did years ago?
But then everytime I see a baby or a video etc of a baby / toddler I instantly change my mind and hubby is the same.
The other concern is we are overweight now, hubby only slightly but I have a BMI of 42 - I know from speaking with others and GP this doesn't make TTC impossible, but does it just add another tick in the NO column.
The other issue we have is now is the perfect time if we wanted to TTC, we have no holidays (Which we tend to do 1 or 2 a year) until next October, and this could easily be moved or may be moved anyway depending on Covid and then the next is FL Nov 2023 - which a baby wouldn't impact and given that all of my family are going, we'd have lots of happy helpers.
Ive had family members tell us not too, and that we're too old - people in my family tend to have kids young. And then others say we 100% should.
I just don't know what to do. Have any of you faced this kind of decision etc? What did you end up doing and how did you feel about your decision?
Thank you in advance! K x