Has anyone ever ‘given up?’

[GrapefruitGin]

Apologies for the title but not sure how else to put it. TTC for 18 months, after months of testing for both of us, everything is clear and there’s no obvious reason why we haven’t conceived yet. Partner has one child from previous relationship therefore we aren’t eligible for nhs funded treatment. Completely deflated now. We can save for IVF (we more than likely will give it a go) but part of me thinks we need to prepare the worst, this might never happen for us. I don’t know what else to do. I guess I’m just wondering if there’s life beyond this feeling. If you were unable to have children, were you ever able to move past that time in your life and how do you look back on it now? I can’t imagine a life without children. For context we’re both 32.

Hello hun, i can feel your pain i am in exactly the same boat and have been crying my eyes out tonight due to my sister announcing she is having her second “oh we don’t even have sex like that to be getting pregnant.” “I dont want another baby just yet” she already has an 11 month old. Makes me so upset that it can just easily happen for her and me and my partner have been together 3 years now and still nothing for us. As everyone always says to me you have to hold on to faith and stay positive that your time will come at least you have had peace of mind that everything is working as it should and theres no cause for concern when it comes to that. I will hold you in my prayers a long with myself that one day we will be mummys xx

I’m so sorry, that must have been so tough to hear. I find it hard enough when random work colleagues or distant school friends announce their pregnancies so I can only imagine how you’re feeling tonight. Thank you for your kind words. I’m somewhere between trying to remain hopeful and positive but also being realistic. We can’t continue the cycle of being devastated every time I get a negative and/or AF begins. It gets harder each month.

@Luna92x I am in your exact position tonight! I have been in tears all evening having found out that my sis is pregnant with her second after trying a few times. I honestly feel devastated and hate that I feel that way. It's just such a horrible situation to be in. I feel so alone!

@GrapefruitGin I'm sorry you're feeling like giving up but if I were you I would definitely try and save for ivf. I'm an ivf baby xx

@GrapefruitGin i feel the same everytime af shows up. All my life i have been bang on and regular to the day and the last few months my period has been coming late so just when i get that glimmer of hope its happened the next day bang its arrived and i get very emotional. My best friend who is younger than me and i never imagined to be a mum (shes not maternal) has just had a baby as well that was so unexpected i always saw myself having children before her so its just another reminder its happening to everyone around me but me. I no its silly for me to say have faith when I’m finding it hard to have any myself. I really do feel your pain xx

@acupofteamakeseverythingbetter Bless you i no exactly how you are feeling its just horrible. Ive been trying to be happy for her but its just so hard for me as its a constant reminder and we’ve now got to prepare ourselves to have this in our faces for the next 9 months and then some after that it just never ends. Sending you a big virtual hug and a tissue don’t cry 😢 xx

Thanks @Luna92x sending you a virtual hug too ❤️ I just don't know how I'm going to cope seeing her face to face. I was already feeling totally defeated this month for some reason. I think because I'm getting closer to what should have been my due date and that's getting me down xx

I gave up. It took some coming to terms with, and we went through a grieving process for the life/child we thought we would have but wouldn't. We stopped trying about 2 years ago and I'm now happy and content in my life. We got a dog and dote on niece and nephew.
It was a hard time but going through it all actually made us a stronger couple in the end.
We TTC FOR 9 years, had 6 MC along the way. Tried ICSI twice (MC both) had one ruptured ectopic and one unruptured ectopic. I got to 40 and said 'enough is enough'. I emotionally couldn't put myself through it again. 9 years of living life in 2 week cycles (waiting to ovulate, waiting for AF and repeat) constantly analysing every twinge. Putting life/holidays/career on hold because I might get pregnant soon.

I feel loads better now I'm out the other side.

@acupofteamakeseverythingbetter yes that will definitely be making you feel worse. I’m sorry to hear you have suffered a loss as well on top of it all. I was quite relieved she had texted me the news as I’m not sure how i would of kept a poker face on that but it has been playing on my mind as well how it will be when i see her next.. another thing that always bothers me and i no this sounds so stupid as well but my other half doing the whole congratulations thing and how he is with my nephew just makes me so sad i may not ever make him a daddy 😭😭 he would be a great one. My af is due on thursday and thats just gonna make me a crying wreck as well as a massive reminder that again it hasn’t happened.

@saladcreamandegg you are a very strong lady i am so very sorry and sad to hear of your struggles and story xxx

Thanks @Luna92x but it's just a case of getting in with the cards you're dealt in life. I really feel for those going through the stages of infertility, but at least I can assure that even if it doesn't work out like you'd hoped, you can still end up with a happy life! All of my friends with kids are envious of my freedom ... I can book holidays at the drop of a hat, I have a high disposable income which allows me to enjoy some of the finer things in life (I'm not rich but am fortunate to be comfortable). Obviously at one time I'd have given up everything for a baby, but now I'm 42 and content with the nice comfortable life we have.

I'm sorry you've had such a tough time @saladcreamandegg but I'm glad you've found happiness 🥰 that gives me comfort x

@saladcreamandegg I’m so sorry you went through that but so pleased to hear of your happiness now. 9 years is a long time, you’re incredibly strong, I’m struggling after just 18 months which sounds rather pathetic really! It sounds like you have a great life, so pleased to hear. I hope you don’t mind me saying that I find it reassuring that there is life beyond this and I think we need to set a bit of a plan in terms of time frames, how long we can physically and mentally do this for.

@acupofteamakeseverythingbetter We are certainly going to keep saving, thank you.

@GrapefruitGin 18 months is absolutely not pathetic, those early years are the hardest in many ways as you come to terms with the fact there's a problem, trying to find out why, watching friends and family have lots of babies around you. It's really really shit and I really feel for you x