I'm so sick of feeling like this, it's not going to happen for me is it

[Lilyandra]

It took a year to get pregnant with my first child (I'm mid 30s) and unfortunately had an early miscarriage. It's affected me a lot as it completely tore our hopes of a future as parents apart. Decided to start trying again straight away (even though I wasn't ready mentally, but really want to start a family) with everyone telling me that you're most fertile and stories from friends and family about how they got pregnant straight away.

It's been three months and still not pregnant. Started AF three days ago.

My last cycle I used clearblue OPK and gave us the best shot by DTD during fertile period and on ovulation. Just feel like it's going to take another year at least.

I'm still so upset that I'm not having my Feb 2022 baby, I'm thinking of my age and to top it all off I have the most horrific period pain every month as the contraceptive pill was the only thing that eased it so feel like I'm being kicked in the teeth each month.

Friends and family have had babies since I began trying, and I can't help but wonder if I'm destined to just be an auntie. I can't stop thinking about it and I don't know even know how to relax and stop, it's consumed me and I hate this.

Sorry for the moan, I maybe wasn't prepared for how hard this all is.

Sorry for your loss, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling like this. It's really unfair how hard it is for some people and seemingly easy for others. Assume because you got pregnant you can't can't any NHS testing done? How early was your early loss?

In your mid-30s assuming no other issues your fertility is more likely to be fine than not. There are things you can do that might help, or at least make you feel more in control - it starts with the egg, sperm meets egg plan, getting to a healthy weight if you aren't already, reducing caffeine and alcohol if you aren't already.

I think stress has a big impact on our bodies. Unfortunately not always something we can control well.

Would you feel better taking some time off from TTC to recover mentally for your loss?

Also I'm sure you've considered a lot of options for managing your horrible period pains - Veganin is an old fashioned painkiller and the only thing that touches the sides when mine are so bad I can't stand up straight.

@Lilyandra so sorry you're going through all of this. Just know you can rant as mich as you want here in this forum. Truth is, it hasn't been an easy journey for many. I'm convinced that the women who git pregnant without TTC long and no complications are actually in the minority. We just all tend to not talk about it.
Lots of good advices from @valentinaballerina. I'm doing all of it as well. But that will just ensure your chances of getting pregnant will improve. Depending on the source, chances of getting pregnant each month are still only around 25% - 35%. Don't stress yourself too much. Take a break from time to time to get your mind off things.

I’ve had a lot of losses and ivf too. The frustration and pain was immense and actually ended up on ADs. It affects everything in your life doesn’t it ? Your relationship, friendships and going out ( seeing others pregnant or worrying they will tell you they are)
I would say it’s impossible to not think about it, when it’s all you want. Especially when you have a loss the only thing that feels like it will take the pain away is being pregnant again.
I agree with pp I found taking control to improve my chances helped a bit. I did weekly acupuncture, the vitamins and advice in it starts with the egg, did a low carb high protein diet and cut out alcohol. I used pre seed and dtd morning and evening alternatively ( seemed to help no idea why)
I never did counselling but I know a lot of ladies found that really good.
I know of 24 year olds on my other forum that took 6 months to a year to fall pregnant so it is a waiting game unfortunately sometimes. You have shown you can get pregnant and you’re still young in fertility terms, you have a good chance of falling pregnant the next few months. Just keep going and keep talking on here and to others in rl

Really sorry for your loss and understand your feelings.

I had a mmc in my first pregnancy and that had taken 8 months to conceive. I constantly read that it'd happen quickly and how more fertile I'd be from other people but scientifically, there's no evidence to support this and it builds false hope. I conceived my now daughter after another 8 cycles. It was a long road and I felt like it was hopeless. I'd paid privately for fertility tests and my dh and I were concluded to have excellent fertility. It really comes down to luck.

I'm sorry it feels like it's taking forever. I was so fixated on my November 2019 due date and desperately wanted and was convinced I'd be pregnant beforehand. I wasn't. The due date came and went and I realised I'd put so much pressure on myself for that date. I fell pregnant on the very next cycle.

I am sorry for your loss.

What you're going through is very hard and difficult, and it's only reasonable to feel this way. Like you said, you started trying straight away, but you need time to heal physically, mentally and emotionally. Have you considering counselling along side ttc?

So sorry for your loss OP.
You're not alone. Ttc is a hard and painful process that I really wasnt prepared for. I was the same as you it had taken 11 cycles (1 year) to fall pregnant I then miscarried at 12 weeks. It was so cruel. I'm now 10 months later and still trying to fall again and that hurts so much. The unknown and the time it takes. The never ending questions going around your head. The kick in the stomach when your hear someone else is pregnant. I hate what I have become. I'm frightened i'll be this way forever. But I can't give up.
We have to keep hoping. You will get there. The best things in life are worth the wait. The wait is hard but don't give up yet.

Sorry if I haven't picked this up from your post but have you been to gp to get the ball rolling with all the tests needed for nhs fertility treatment?

I was in your boat and everyone kept telling me it would happen and it did not without ivf despite it being unexplained fertility problems. Dont faff about, get going making some concrete steps towards your dream baby