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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

When is the 'right time'?

8 replies

PinkFizz1 · 17/08/2021 09:44

Hi all,

I'm new here but have been lurking for a while. I guess it's the question that every first timer thinks about, but I'm just trying to get other people's opinions.

Background: I'm 31, been with DP (27) for 18 months, lived together almost immediately (due to circumstances - lockdown etc), FF to this year and we've just bought a 3 bed house together.
He has a DD (8) who we have EOW. I am very fond of her and after reading the step parent forum, seems I go above and beyond what is considered 'normal' for dad's partner, but it works for us. No big dramas with the ex or anything.

We've started having the conversation of maybe TTC our own DC, and I'm having the (usual?) doubts. What if I'm not good enough? What if I resent the child for 'taking away my freedom' etc. I'm very happy being able to just up and go out when I like, and I can't imagine loving another human being so much that I'd overcome that. (I know it's possible, I just can't imagine it as I have no DC of my own).

These talks have turned me into a very practical, logical thinking person Hmm I've been on the mini pill for a very long time (15 years) so I have no idea how long it would take my body to 're-adjust' (or even if I am blessed enough to be able to conceive!) I would like 2 DC and I'm aware my age is somewhat against me. It's like I'm completely split down the middle and I don't know what path to take! Confused

One day I love the idea of just stopping my pill and 'seeing what happens' but the risk that I could get pregnant immediately is scary. I wish I had a crystal ball that told me it would take x amount of months/years to conceive!

Any opinions would be greatly appreciated!

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkFizz1 · 17/08/2021 09:47

Few details I forgot to add; we are both full time employed, there's no doubt in my mind that he is the one I want to be with forever and despite coming across quite cold in my OP, I am a very loving, nurting person Grin

I guess I just can't 'imagine' the love that people describe as other people's kids quite frankly annoy me Grin

OP posts:
IndiaMay · 17/08/2021 18:50

Me and my husband are 30 and decided to just come off the Pill and see what happens, no planning anything or stopping drinking or anything (although I am taking folic acid as that seemed sensible). We both want children one day, we are married, 30 and in our forever home so it seemed silly to risk leaving it in case we run into problems. We both agree we would panic if it happened straight away though! But we thought logically it will take a year to get pregnant if properly trying (6 months on average to get your cycle back after 11 years on the Pill and 6 months on average to get pregnant if DTD at the right time) so the likelihood of it happening any time soon when not trying is pretty minimal. I've been 'off' the Pill a week now (as in I should have started it again after a 7 day break last week) so I guess we will see what happens.

Original poster
PinkFizz1 · 17/08/2021 19:49

@IndiaMay

Me and my husband are 30 and decided to just come off the Pill and see what happens, no planning anything or stopping drinking or anything (although I am taking folic acid as that seemed sensible). We both want children one day, we are married, 30 and in our forever home so it seemed silly to risk leaving it in case we run into problems. We both agree we would panic if it happened straight away though! But we thought logically it will take a year to get pregnant if properly trying (6 months on average to get your cycle back after 11 years on the Pill and 6 months on average to get pregnant if DTD at the right time) so the likelihood of it happening any time soon when not trying is pretty minimal. I've been 'off' the Pill a week now (as in I should have started it again after a 7 day break last week) so I guess we will see what happens.
Interesting, I kind of want to take this approach as well but then I start thinking all logically and talk myself out of it!

On the one hand I don’t want to risk falling pregnant in the next couple of months but on the other hand I’d hate it if we ran into difficulties and it took ages to happen! It’s almost as if I need the decision to take my pill to be taken out of my hands Grin

OP posts:
Mmmmdanone · 17/08/2021 19:56

I had my first at 34, and got pregnant immediately after coming off the pill.
Can't answer other question about whether you will regret it though. I just knew I really wanted children and they are amazing. My daughter is now 16 and we have a really close relationship. My son and I are less close, in that he doesn't want to hang out with me like dd but I love him just the same.

birdbybird · 17/08/2021 20:15

@PinkFizz1 I wanted to have children but kept putting it off until I was 37.5 and had a panic attack (triggered by a family member developing a life threatening illness) and I went into TTC overdrive. I conceived after 6 cycles but my first reaction after a BFP was panic and the loss of my freedom. Then I worried about having to conceive again to provide my potential child with a sibling (this is in the early weeks of my FIRST pregnancy).
Anyway after lots of nausea and vomiting (which was tough) but an otherwise smooth pregnancy I had my son and I have to say as time has gone on I absolutely love him more and more every day. He's almost 2 years old now and although throughout the first pregnancy I kept saying "first and last" to whoever would listen, I'm now age 40 and in cycle 9 of TTC #2.
If you do decide to go for it, wish you luck!

IndiaMay · 17/08/2021 20:46

@PinkFizz1we just know we both want children one day and we arent getting any younger so I'm hoping if it does happen in under a year then our natural instincts will kick in and we will be happy. Also babies dont often just turn up, there is a 9 month warning so we will get used to it.

We are renovating our period property though so if it happens anytime soon I'm not sure where we would actually put it.

GingerFox2021 · 17/08/2021 21:18

In my experience, there was no right time for me. I had the same travel plans or career goals when I was 30 and when I am 41 now. Nothing changed for me in the last 10 years and I realised i have to do it now as I feel the right time will not come. Had my DD at 39, trying for number 2.

Original poster
PinkFizz1 · 18/08/2021 12:26

Thanks everyone, I guess it's going to be a case of me to-ing and fro-ing with myself for the next god knows how long until I bite the bullet and stop taking the pill... I just wish I had a crystal ball! I'd hate to get myself 100% into it and find we run into problems or it takes years Sad

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