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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Supportive partner

8 replies

Bigparrot · 10/08/2021 13:25

Hey. Been trying to conceive and having no luck after 6 months. I am aware that we are still only near the beginning of this process!

My partner says he wants a child too but I don't feel like he's in this with me. I feel like the effort falls to me e.g. supplements, opks, tracking periods and fertile signs etc.
He doesn't think supplements work for men and hasn't changed his diet, exercise or amount he drinks at all.

I know it's mainly down to me as these are all things I have to do but he takes no interest in anything. He doesn't ask, it's up to me to explain that it's my fertile week/days and if I try to talk to him about my worries about conceiving he says he isn't stressed about it and he doesn't know what the problem is.

I'm not sure what I'm asking here really.
I'm basically feeling a lot of mental load and if this is the way it is then I'll just get on with it myself but it feels like he's doing the bare minimum.

How do you feel like your partners support you when you're trying to conceive?

OP posts:
LondonladyTTC · 10/08/2021 13:30

Hi Op, I felt the same, and also the fact that DH was more relaxed than me about timing and had more of the it will happen when it happens attitude where as I wanted it to happen straight away. I think this is because the mental load does impact me more, I just want it not drag on.

What changed it is when DH had a sperm analysis and realised how important his side was too. He has slightly low concentration and morphology and was told that changing lifestyle factors can help so is now more rigorous with his supplements than I am! I definitely feel more in it together now that I know it isn't just me who needs to focus on it!

Original poster
Bigparrot · 10/08/2021 14:02

I can see my DH has a relaxed attitude too. But at 38 I don't want to waste time - I'm not a patient person anyway!

I have booked us a fertility check next month so hopefully that'll calm my fears about something being wrong. It'll be good to check that we're doing everything we can.
I don't want him to worry but if it encourages DH to make some lifestyle changes that would help him be healthier anyway.

OP posts:
LondonladyTTC · 10/08/2021 14:40

Have you spoken to your GP too @Bigparrot as after six months you should be able to. I have booked in for cycle day three bloods this month and kind of which I got the ball rolling with the NHS sooner as they need all the basic tests done before the can refer you to a fertility specialist. It all takes so much time.

My DH is definitely more engaged now that he has to participate in the tests, I think he realises what a big part he plays in the process (50%!) and we have gone past the blame it on my cycles getting used to coming off contraception phase!

Best of luck with your fertility tests next month!

AmIamum10 · 10/08/2021 14:53

My DH was the same. I think, having children scares men. They won't admit it. They aren't motivated like women. Men like to have sex. But the thing that comes after that freaks them out

When I was pregnant for the first time, DH showed no excitement. He looked terrified. He isn't a bad person, but I can tell he wasn't amused. But once after I had a miscarriage and that is when it hit him. He was down and depressed. He actively worked on supplements, diet, exercise to have me conceive again. I did and lost it again.

I think men need that shake up to get on board. Once they become fathers, they will think it is the best thing even happen to them.

Btw, we cut out all sugars/carbs in our diet. We took a lot of antioxidant supplements like Pine Bark, Spirulina, Barley grass, reishi mushroom, probiotics etc.. I don't have children yet. But getting pregnant isn't the issue anymore. We tried for six years in vain. Cutting sugar and taking these supplements have helped. Just my 2 cents. Good luck

Original poster
Bigparrot · 10/08/2021 15:34

Thanks ladies. Just hard feeling like he doesn't get it. Like you said hopefully it'll change.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bigparrot · 10/08/2021 15:40

@LondonladyTTC
I've spoken to my docs and am going in for a blood test soon but they weren't bothered which day of my cycle it was. She said it was to check 'hormones and deficiencies'
I thought that the blood tests had to be done on day 21 too but she said this was what they offer. So that's why I've got the fertility check booked privately too.

Am I right that the day 21 test is to check if you've ovulated?

What is the day 3 test for?

OP posts:
LondonladyTTC · 10/08/2021 16:26

@Bigparrot that's great you are going in for tests too. Yes you are right about 21 day bloods and it also checks progesterone as should be done 7 days after ovulation, day 21 being the most likely day.

Day 3 bloods check other hormones involved in ovulation (FSH and LH).

DeeDee20 · 13/08/2021 23:01

Hi @Bigparrot
I kinda feel in your same boat. My partner can be hit and miss with support. Trying for over a year with some tests back showing low count in his SA. I have to tell him when the best time is to DTD and he knows I hate it. Sometimes he makes the effort but tonight, he said he’s too tired which is when I got my peak. Just makes me feel so rubbish and under so much pressure. He is 42 and I am 35. I often worry if I’m wasting my time Sad

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