Would you try again?

[minthumbugs]

Situation is... 1 successful pregnancy, 1 miscarriage, 2 ectopics.

Was always in the plan for us to have several children, then it would be max 2 as if we did try and it was successful eventually we don't know if we could do it again. Now I don't know if I could even handle it for another one.

Honest opinions (but please be nice, I'm feeling a bit raw!). I genuinely don't know what's right for me at this point - coming to terms with either decision is very scary. Just looking for other people's experiences I suppose... So, would you try again?

Wait until you’re not raw before making a decision.

Unless you’re ancient like me you have time to choose.

I KNEW after my losses I had to keep on going, but I also knew that the mental strain would probably kill me. Take care of yourself. You don’t have to rush.

We're also in same situation op!
IVF, MMC, cp, successful cycle getting my DC!

We're going back and forth a lot at the minute about it.
We haven't made a decision yet and said we'd give ourselves abit more time to gather our thoughts and speak about it again soon.

I don't feel like I'm done but not exactly sure I can go through it again.

I would advise to take some time and really weigh it up.

How does your DP feel?

Hi lovey,

I would focus on getting yourself ready emotionally - you've been through so much and need time to heal a little. I am so sorry for your losses - I know you will never forget.

I have also had two missed miscarriages and I tried one more time and went on to have my daughter who is now 11 and her brother 8 and her little sister is 6.

For me I wanted to just try at least one more time and then if it didn't work I was happy to let it be.

Whatever decision you make is the right one for you.

Sending hugs xx

Stillbirth
CP
MMC
DC1
DC2

I was never going to give up.

@LividLaVidaLoca thank you ❣️ tbh time is on my side. But I worry what will happen if I leave it too long, and I don't fancy a huuuuge age gap. How did it work out for you if you don't mind me asking? After my second loss I had that urgent need to keep going, but I don't feel like that now. It's confusing!

I don’t think it’s giving up, look at life OP, is it worse to try and be unsuccessful or to stop now. What’s life like if you stop look like? What’s the positives of stopping trying?

Oh @cookiesandcreamm that sounds tough. In my heart I know I'm not done, but I think my head is telling me otherwise. My DP is very logical and numbers based if that makes sense, he wasn't a massive fan of trying again before our last loss but he came round to it as he thought surely it wouldn't happen to us again! Now he thinks it's statistically more likely for us to have more losses 😬 it's not like him to be pessimistic about things too!

Awww @mrsgilly1 I'm sorry about your losses and I'm glad you got your family. I definitely need to get a bit of a clearer state of mind! Last time I felt emotionally ready whether it worked out or whether it was a loss - I just knew I needed to try 🤷‍♀️

Currently 31 weeks pregnant with DC2. Will have almost a 6 year age gap between them due to 3 mc. We were so close to giving up but glad we persevered. The more I think about it the more I'm pleased with the age gap! Good luck

@nc8765 I'm so sorry about your losses and equally happy for you that you didn't stop trying and your kiddos came along!

@OnlyFoolsnMothers that's a helpful way of looking at it, thank you. I don't know if I could be satisfied if I didn't try, just worried about the impact on my own health, my relationship and my LO!

@Samanabanana congratulations 🌈 age gap has been a factor for us too, but I have heard so many people saying that a longer age gap (not the way they planned things) turned out to be the best thing for them. It's just hard coming to terms with a life that wasn't the one you wanted and planned for!

We were
1 successful
2 miscarriages
1 successful

I don't think I ever thought about not trying again after the miscarriages

But you need to do what feels right for you and your family

I agree with PPs that you need to allow yourself time to heal.

I had an EMC whilst TTC DD2 and knew I wouldn’t stop until I was holding my baby. DD2 is 10mo now.

My neighbour stuck with one and said after so long of trying they decided to focus on their one child, look at the positives of everything they could give him as an only rather than keep trying for something that may not happen, they didn’t want toddlers in their late 40s either. Not saying it’s perfect but I think she made peace with the decision.

@123feraverto thank you, I feel as if something has changed in me. I don't know if I'm just reeling a bit (2 of my losses have been within the last 6 months). I wish I could turn back time and just get my babies back and not have to through the heartache that comes with TTC. If only!

Oh definitely @beingatwatitsabingthing whatever decision we make won't be rushed. If we try it will be in a few years time, if we don't... God knows when that decision would be made! I can't imagine it tbh.

In terms of age gaps, there are 6.5 years between DD1 and DD2. If our EMC had been a successful pregnancy, there would have been a 5.5 year gap. I’m glad of the gap now because DD1 is very independent and able to play so well with DD2 who adores her big sister.

@onlyfoolsnmothers I totally get that. I have so much love to give so my LO could just get all of that from us and all the benefits that come with! It feels like a different ball game thinking about a second after all of this 🥺

That's a really nice story to hear @BeingATwatItsABingThing. we would have had 2 toddlers for a while and it's hard to think that will never be the case! So positive stories about age gaps definitely help ☺️

As you are not old don't rush your decision. I think there does eventually come a point where you do need to start thinking about when to give up. Maybe ask for more tests. I regret not going for ivf sooner personally, although I have very different issues to you.

I have a dc - naturally conceived.
1 early mc -naturally conceived.
Years of trying, surgery and 5 ivf failed rounds.
I'm not ready to give up yet, but I'm starting to think about when I will be, which makes me so distraught/angry/feel like a failure/weak. I am approaching 40 now though and the age gap will be at least 6 years, not the 2 years we wanted. You need to factor in the impact it has on your life now. My point is it's ok to think about stopping.

How about some counselling? I'm starting that soon.

Thank you @seven201. I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. I actually am doing counselling at the moment! I would definitely recommend it... I am rooting for you. 🤞🏻

@minthumbugs thank you. I'm glad you're doing some counselling. I think it's important to be guided in your thoughts for this kind of thing. It's all so personal and individual. Good luck to you