Am I being punished ttc

[Cherrywoods]

My DH and I have been TTC for 8 months now, I know that’s not as long as some people try for so I understand we need to keep trying however I’m getting really down about it.

The main reason is that I have had 2 abortions in the past when I was 18 and 21. I am not proud of this, however I was in quite an abusive relationship and was not in the right place in my life. Both times when I did get pregnant happened from 1 mistake, once the condom split and one time of not using one.

The thing is now I am happily married and we want a baby so much but each month nothing happens.
I am starting to feel like I am being punished for my past mistakes that I made.
I also feel like because it was so easy last time I don’t know what has happened to me and my body and why it just isn’t happening now. I’m only 30 now so exactly old.

Does anyone have any advice please as I just don’t know what to do anymore.

No! You’re not being punished, that’s ridiculous although I do understand what it’s like to be mulling it over and feeling like you’re doing everything right but it still doesn’t happen. Just give it time, and don’t beat yourself up. You were brave to have the terminations, knowing that you couldn’t offer the right environment at the time. 💐

I'm just about to go onto cycle number 10 so I completely understand how you're feeling right now in that it feels like it's just never going to happen and 'why me'. However, we have to be much kinder to ourselves! We can only do our best and if it's meant to happen, it will. We need to find enjoyment in others things in life, which I know is so much easier said than done. I'm currently working on this myself and not yet found a solution!

Your previous terminations were the right decisions for you at that time, please don't feel like you're being punished for this. You had to make a decision, which was right for you and any baby you would bring into the world.

Xx

No, you are not being punished.

Remember it takes sperm and egg to make a baby, it's not all on you!

If there is an issue, it's highly likely it's not you as you have no history of fertility issues afterall. xx

Oh no, please don't think this COVID safe internet hug

It's just absolutely not true and not something to blame yourself for.

I think this process is so hard and makes everyone think 'why me?' and then often come up with wrong answers. For me- I'm overweight, my diet's wrong, I drink sometimes, I was on the pill too long, I don't test right, I don't want to dtd every other day every single month and that's a problem etc etc etc

Hope it happens for you soon but in the meantime we need to try to be good to ourselves.

You are NOT being punished!

No matter the length of time TTC it can be a soul crushing journey.

It took me 15 months to conceive my wee one, and every month was like a vice around my heart when it didn't work.

You are with a different partner now, maybe it isn't you. Unfortunately it's one of those things that can sometimes just take a bit of time .

Hi OP, sorry you are feeling down. You are definitely not being punished! I am on cycle 18 of TTC number 1 and know how you feel, every month is very disappointing. Has your husband been for a sperm test? My DH went for one 2 months ago and found out that he had low morphology and concentration. Although obviously not good news, it has taken some of the pressure of me and means that he now realises that he needs to make some lifestyle changes too. I feel like we are sharing the stress more now.

Ttc is so stressful and difficult. When your brain knows you're ttc, it can make it so much harder. No, you're not being punished.

I convinced twice after 8 months both times. On the stats of falling pregnant within 12 months of trying, you're overwhelmingly likely to be pregnant by November.

Conceived not convinced!

Aww bless you bigs hugs
I know exactly how you feel - I'm not necessarily trying at the moment but I too had an abortion a few years back - I was actually with the same parter I am now and am soon to start TTC.

I don't have much advice but I really know how you feel, I often have similar thoughts to this and just want you to know you are not alone 💖

You did exactly what you needed to do years back, no one and nothing is punishing you and you have no need to feel bad about your decision.

Try to keep a positive mindset and find comfort in the fact you know your body is capable of conceiving and it's just waiting for the right time. All the best ✨

Thank you everyone for your kind messages!! It’s made me feel a bit less alone.

I think I also feel guilty as I haven’t even told DH about this part of my past. I know some people might think that is wrong but I do feel quite ashamed and I didn’t want him to judge me. I guess time has gone on so long now it feels like I’ve left it too long to bring it up to him.

So I’m kind of just going through this on my own, I have suggested going for a private fertility check but he obviously doesn’t think there is an issue as we’ve being trying less than 12 months so he said no we can do it after 12 months if nothing has happened.

It is just so frustrating to know it happened so easily when I didn’t want it to but now it’s all I want it isn’t happening. Will try to stay positive though, thank you for your kind words.

You're definitely not being punished. I know how exhausting trying to get pregnant can be. Have you been using ovulation strips and checking your BBT? You might be ovulating later or earlier than you think and just be missing the most fertile window. Sending hugs.