Dh doesn't want to talk about ttc. Not suprising. I had ERPC only last week. Please calm down my hormonal rant.

[Oblomov]

O.k. so it is not surprising that he feels the way he does. It has been really traumatic. I was hospitalised for a week. Had to wait another 2 weeks for scan to confirm mmc. Had ERPC on fri.
Have been quite unwell.
But my hormones are raging and I want to conceive asap.
2 weeks ago, when I went for my second scan, to confirm, my lovely diabetic specialist nurse, who deals with pumps, said, sorry.... etc etc. and when /IF we were ready to try again, she would help us, arrange pre-pregnancy clinics, to get my diabetes tip-top.
I did not mention this to dh.
Today, I have been so unwell, that I went to my Gp for the third time this weeek. She among many other questions, asked if I had considered contraception. I told her that I planned to wait for atleast a period, to stabilise, and that much as I loved my dh, making love was the last thing on my mind.

But when dh phoned at lunch to see how I was, I did tell him about Gp and what happened at Kings.
And he said, I can't put you through this again.
How do I let this subject go, when my hormones, are raging so much ?

I think its really hard for men to see the woman they love go through so much, that the idea of perhaps doing it all again is tough.
I am, however, really not one to talk about spacing TTC after mc, as I twice got pg straight away - DS was conceived 4 weeks after an ERPC.
Its not going to do any harm to see the specialist nurse and get a plan in place for maximum diabetes control, as that might take a while to settle into, and will give you something to focus on.
The miscarriage association have a great booklet on men and miscarriage that he might find helpful. I think theres also personal stories from men on their website.
I'm so sorry for your, and your DHs loss, and hope things work out in the future.

Thankyou cmotdibbler.
I think the leaflet is helpful, maybe I will incorporate some of the ideas into a conversation.
I feel so hormonally irrational at the moment.

Bump

So sorry to hear you have had such a tough time of it .

It is very difficult for men when we m/c as they are not only suffering the loss of a child themselves but they have to see us suffer too, not just emotionally but often medically too. When I m/c last year my DH was adamant that he 'didn't want to put me through it again'. The medical stuff probably upset him more than the emotional stuff. I was obviously very upset as I wanted to TTC asap.

After a few weeks, however, DH felt much better about the whole thing and decided that he did want to try again.

The urge to TTC again is often overwhelming for women and we feel that being pg again is the best way to recover from the m/c and give our lives some direction back. It is not so for men who seem to need time to deal with the loss (although we may not be able to tell that is what they are doing) before they are ready to go again.

Hope this helps x

bbb, yes, thank you, you have expressed what I was trying to say. Where has this urgency to conceive come from? My miscarrriage was not even a planned pregnancy. So, my loss, means my ttc, has gone into overdrive.
I wonder , how and when I will be able to discuss this with dh. We'll see.

It is hormones that give us this desire to TTC again I think and just because a pregnancy was not planned does not mean it was not very much wanted.

I agreed with my DH that I thought we were sensible to wait for next AF but that I did want to try again and that as it was me that had to go through the actual mc then surely it was my decision whether I could cope with it or not. Then I said no more and waited for him to sort his own feelings out.

By the time AF appeared he had changed his mind and wanted to try again as much as me. Once he came to terms with it he said that how he felt after losing our LO made him realise that having another child was definitely what he wanted wheras he had been a bit 'if it happens, it happens' before.