How do you keep your sanity and morale up?

[BlijEi]

Hello all, I'm 34 and we have been trying for over 2 years. Have had 2 miscarriages, couple of chemicals and an ectopic. which took 5 months to resolve. Currently in 2WW after 5th IUI with hormones. I'm allowed to have 6 for free (not in UK) then 2 IVF for free so that's probably what the next couple of months will look like.

I would love to hear how other women/couples cope with anxiety and pessimistic thoughts. Are there any activities, websites, apps, videos etc you could recommend which helped you?

My pain source of angst right now is that the BFP feels like hurdle no 1 out of 100. I keep feeling like even if I get a positive, it'll be a chemical pregnancy. And if it isn't, I'm going to have a miscarriage or an ectopic. And if I don't, I'll lose the baby late term or post birth.. etc, you get the idea.

I have almost no hope left and feel like I have no one to talk to. Even seeing a pregnant woman on TV sends me into a spiral of jealousy and self pity. On the flip side of the coin, I read posts from people trying 8+ years and not giving up hope and feel super guilty for being so weak and I worry my negativity is the reason why I can't get pregnant, which of course starts a whole nasty cycle of bad feelings.

My husband is amazing but he has ASD and can't emphasize with or understand my complex feelings. I have no other friends or family close by. I have read all sorts of hopeful inspiring messages from books/forums etc but the effect only lasts a few days. So I'm looking for practical tips on how you all deal with similar feelings, if you have any to share.

I'm thinking of starting fertility acupuncture soon, I figured in the worst case scenario it'll help me relax and that's already a big improvement. I'm open to trying anything really, though I do have a very difficult time self pampering.

Thank you already

Hi OP, didn't want to read and run. So sorry to hear about your difficult experiences-it's every woman's worst nightmare and my heart goes out to you. I've no personal advice but wondered whether you'd consider individual therapy to help support you in managing all this? Xxx

Ohhhhh I've been there, @BlijEi, and it's so hard to stay positive. I would say two things to you, based on my own experiences:

1. You don't HAVE to stay positive all the time. You're putting extra pressure on yourself because let's face it, being positive is hard work when it feels like the odds are against you! Let yourself have a good old wallow every now and again - you've had a shit time, it's okay to be upset and frustrated sometimes. Let it out, breathe, and then look forward again.

2. The Zita West relaxation CD really helped me. I used to listen to it last thing at night in bed - it's like a guided meditation kind of thing where you visualise the embryo burrowing in, becoming strong and healthy etc. It really relaxed me (and I'm not a hippy-dippy kind of person!) and more often than not I'd doze off before the end. I also listened to it during the day when anxiety started to overwhelm me and that helped because I felt I was doing something positive to calm myself down.

Good luck

I found concentrating on getting healthy going to the gym and eating well etc helped take my mind off worrying and the dopamine release you get from exercising helps with the negative effects thoughts.

For me getting the BFP was only the first hurdle as I had to have CVS due to a genetic condition-
1.BFP
2. I had to make it to 11 weeks have the CVS
3. I get the first trisomy results after 3 days I had a 1% of baby having Downs Syndrome (due to a previous pregnancy where baby had Down's syndrome and the genetic condition which meant it didn't go to term)
4. 2 days after that had a 50% chance of baby have the genetic condition which would make it incompatible with life and I wouldn't be able to continue with the pregnancy (1 in 2 chance is a huge hurdle)
5. I have to make it to 12 weeks to reduce miscarriage risk but due to the CVS carrying a 1% chance of causing miscarriage had to wait til 13 weeks

after that most of the hurdles are out of the way just anomaly scan and everything being ok with the labour though due to a previous complication they had to scan me every 4 weeks as they were worried the blood supply to the baby may be an issue (it was fine) then I'd had previous problems where the placenta doesn't come out properly and almost bled out with one of the 2 pregnancies I had which didn't go to term but this time it was fine!

I think you worry more once the baby is actually born too!!

You need to find a way that works for you which helps there's always worries you just need to find a way to cope with them! Xx

I'm in my 2ww and listening to Zita West everyday. I would 100% recommend the Mindful IVF app. I'm pretty sure there's a section for IUI. The chap is Irish and has a lovely calm and soothing voice. I find this a bit better than the Zita West one, as there are big gaps between her talking.

I've loved going to acupuncture as I find it so relaxing. It really brings my blood pressure down. I don't care if it worked or not, it was a really relaxing hour every Saturday and that's the most important thing.

DH and I have accessed the free counselling service through our clinic which has been helpful. Is that an option for you?

I follow The Infertility Counsellor on Instagram. She posts a lot about mindset and how to speak kindly to yourself while you're going through the most difficult time. It's impossible to be optimistic all of the time. It's about accepting those sad feelings and not beating yourself up for having them.

Hello to all that replied. I wrote this thread then disappeared. After my last IUI I've been sinking deeper and deeper into depression and not really been able to deal with anything baby related, including this thread. My first IVF starts in October and at best I feel completely apathetic and hopeless, at worst absolutely terrified.

I really appreciate you all sharing your personal stories, I'm sorry I selfishly didn't reply to them. My heart goes out to to you @MummyBearBoo, and everyone else experiencing fertility issues. It is really a special kind of hell.

Thank you all for the helpful tips and wisdom. I'm checking out all your suggestions in this brief moment of clarity.

Sending you lots of love, and wishing you luck for October

Thanks I did get my rainbow at the end but it was a tough few years -I really hope you get your baby my fingers are crossed for you- good luck in October hun!! Baby dust xx