Having a miscarriage and need a hand hold please

[wineosaurus4]

Hello, I got my BFP on Sunday morning and had a number of positives since then. I couldn't quite believe it but it was too good to be true as I started bleeding yesterday morning and it hasn't stopped 💔

I spoke to EPU who advised there wasn't anything they could do unfortunately and were only really concerned about the amount of blood loss, and if it was extreme then they'd want to see me but only then. I know they see this daily but it just seemed so cold and I am heartbroken to sit back and do nothing but accept I'm losing it. I feel at such a loss and don't know what to do with myself. My partner feels the same, although he is doing all he can to stay strong for us and is determined we will conceive again soon and successfully this time, but I feel so negative and worried about future pregnancies after this.

Somebody please tell me some success stories following early miscarriage or even just a hand hold 😢 thank you

So sorry you're going through this - it's awful. Medically they're right, there's nothing they can do, but it doesn't mean it's not a horrible time. I've been there a few times, and worried like you that it would mean I could never have kids. In the end we were lucky and I have my two gorgeous sons, it was all worth it in the end.

Make sure you take care of yourself - I needed plenty of rest, fluids and chocolate, and keep on top of painkillers if you're having cramps. And keep posting here - there's so many of us who have been there.

Thanks for replying delish I am sorry this happened to you as well, I hear and see it all the time but it's one of those 'it will hopefully never happen to me' things, yet here we are 😢 It is so common unfortunately and I think for me the worst part is there is no real reason? I keep questioning every little thing I have done since finding out, like changing the cat litter tray (I even put a mask on fgs) or continuing my gym class for example! I did tell my coach and avoided anything high impact but I am kicking myself now as I only went on Thursday afternoon.

So pleased to hear you now have 2 lovely boys, it gives me hope thank you x

It really sucks , I'm sorry you're having to go through it .

When it happened to me I was devastated, it took well over a year to conceive and then lost it early on. I was a mess, I took 2 weeks off work it was just hell.

That was early last September, I conceived again early the next month which was a complete shock. The early stages were not fun, I bled at 6 weeks and again at 8 and a half . I haven't enjoyed this pregnancy for fear.

Hi Toto, it really is hellish. I can't even grab 5 minutes of just being ok and nothing more, I can and do burst into tears any minute and my partner feels so helpless which makes me even more upset. I'm not sure how to control it or get a grip of myself.

Did your bleeds at 6 & 8 weeks come of anything? Was there any explanation for those? I am filled with so much worry for future pregnancies I almost want to avoid TTC again completely.

I had an early miscarriage last year. I think it comforts me to know that there is a reason. Nothing that I did but that the pregnancy wasn't viable - maybe the egg was chromosomally abnormal or my lining wasn't right. Hopefully all the conditions will come together and you'll have your children. If you have three losses then definitely follow up with the GP as there are blood tests they can do to check for common issues that could affect implantation.

Hi op,
First I wanted to give you some hugs and love. I'm very sorry you're going through this.
I think like most posters here, we can all relate to loss which is what makes this little community so great and helpful.
Well, my story is that I also had a miscarriage. Actually, two. Both at about 6 weeks. Worst part is that I had no bleeding and my natural miscarriage just didn't happen because my HCG levels didn't wanna go low enough for the body to reject it. So I had to take the pills both times. What an excruciating process. 24-hr labour like pains. I sure felt like I'm being punished.
After our second mc, we went for a consultation. Ran all the tests and all was well so they prescribed me to start taking projesterone.
Second cycle I to progesterone,we had a chemical.
I sure had a breaking point then, but guess what...the very next cycle I got pregnant.
It took a while but it's absolutely important not to give up.
Take your time to heal. Whatever that time is for you, there is no such thing as too long. It's a loss, and we need to grief it. I took a year after my first Mc. I wish I didn't wait that long but my mind needed it.
Everything will be ok!!

Hi Vix - thanks for your kind reply, sorry I have taken a while to respond I haven't really been with it. I am so very sorry to hear you have been through this too, I am not sure which scenario would be more heartbreaking. Natural loss or medically managed, they both are so cruel.

This is now my 2nd mc, we are a bit torn whether to seek help yet or not? We have both read up on progesterone and how it could help, but equally feel maybe we are looking too far ahead for right now and almost self diagnosing an issue or something that isn't actually there? I don't know what's best going forward. We want to TTC again as soon as we are able to. I am hoping to ovulate again in the next 2-4 weeks so will keep a track on that but the thought just seems like a massively long road and a bit overwhelming

Hi @wineosaurus, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I had an early miscarriage over the Easter Bank holiday weekend, and experienced the same as you. EPU was closed and I felt very alone, I phoned 111 for advice and a doctor phoned me and was told just to monitor the blood loss and of it was excessive go to a & e. It felt very cold, I felt very unsupported by the medical world but at the same time did understand that there really was nothing they could do. Like it was mentioned above, I took comfort in the knowledge that miscarriages are much more common than a lot of people realise, and that there was reason it was not meant to be. I am pleased to say after a couple of cycles off I got my second BFP yesterday (hoping this one's sticky) so I hope this gives you hope for the future. How are you feeling today? Xx

Hi Neom87 - thanks so much for your message. I'm sorry for your loss as well, far too common. But the positive of that is that almost everyone who has a mc goes on to have successful pregnancies the next time, which is comforting. I feel exactly the same as you described about being very alone and left to it. It almost seemed bizarre that they weren't interested in what I saw as an emergency.. sadly they do see this everyday and we are only a number to them but as you know it's one of the worst things to go through and I just felt as though someone should care as much as me and my partner you know

I am soooo pleased to hear you have now gotten your BFP, I pray this happens to me my next cycle TTC. I'm not really sure how I feel today, I am working (but from home) so in a way it is keeping me occupied however if I need to sob then I am in a safe comfortable place to do so. I have done a pregnancy test this morning and my lines are pretty much non existent now. Looking back they never did get much stronger over the 6 days of pregnancy that I knew about, which I now know the reason why. My HCG levels should have at least doubled from Sunday - Friday (I think?!) but to be honest they looked pretty similar on each test I done. I got a pregnant 1-2 result on Wednesday which reassured me but it wasn't meant to be.

I started to bleed yesterday with cramping and think I'm going through the same thing. Just wanted to say you're not alone. It helps me to know I'm not anyway. This was my first pregnancy.

Hi Trinacham, I'm so sorry my heart goes out to you. How far along are you? There may be something EPU could do to help you? In my case I was only 5 weeks so unfortunately there wouldn't have been much for them to 'see' in terms of a heartbeat or being able to reassure me. I was told to wait it out and test again in 2 weeks time to confirm whether or not I had lost it. That was on Friday and today I have tested and it's negative already by the looks of it.

If you are further along than I was then please do contact them and ask the questions and for the help you need. Here to chat if you need to

@wineosaurus4 epu won't scan me until Wednesday. I told them I already have a private scan that day so it was decided I'd go to that as planned. I should be 7w, 5d today. I just have a feeling it died a week or two ago though, as that's around the time I started to spot and my symptoms lessened. Haven't had any bleeding or cramping since Sunday but I know that it can come and go. Just want tomorrow's scan to get here so I can just have it confirmed.

Same boat here. Two positive tests Thursday and Friday, then fainter and then negatives. Woke up at 6AM bleeding. Youre not alone.

Trinacham wishing you all the luck in the world for tomorrow!

ownedbycats I'm so sorry to hear you are going through the same thing. Did you test early? I know people say to hold off until missed period to possibly avoid the heartache of learning of an early miscarriage, but I did wait until the day of missed period and was still getting positives 5 days after so it seems unfair to think I could've avoided knowing about this. Even without testing I just KNEW, I felt different. I was a mum to be and now I'm not.

@wineosaurus4 I was a few days late, how many I wasn't sure because my cycle length varies. I actually tested that morning because I woke up and my boobs hurt and I just felt different. And that day I had a lot of niggling pains that didn't feel like normal cramps that I thought might be a good sign. It hurts more than I thought it would. I know it was never probably going to be a real baby but I had hope for just a couple of brief days and the loss of that hope hurts. Look after yourself.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I had a chemical pregnancy last week too. I felt pregnant, got 3 positives, then heavy bleeding and now negative test. I'm not too sad because this is exactly how I conceive my DD too - chemical pregnancy 2nd month of trying, successful pregnancy the next month. But it still sucks.

Don't worry about testing early. I know some people say to avoid it to save heartache but honestly, I'd rather know. If I'm not pregnant in 6 months time it would be helpful to know if I'm conceiving but losing them early, or not conceiving at all, because the help I can get will be different depending on that.

@letsgotrilobite I'm sorry. Hopefully your pattern repeats. It's a good point about how at least if you know, you can potentially do something in future.

I had two miscarriages, at 8 weeks and 6 weeks, followed by a healthy uncomplicated (if v long... I went to 42 weeks) pregnancy and then had a second baby 2.5 years later. That period of time where it felt like I was constantly ttc, vomiting or bleeding/miscarrying was so so grim. But I got through it! And you will too. It really helped me to find someone irl to talk to who was going through it too. A colleague had a miscarriage at 15 weeks between my two, and we were a big support to each other. She's since had two more babies too.

I am so sorry you are going through this.
I had a missed miscarriage three years ago, no bleeding no cramps nothing and then in my scan they told me my baby's heart had stopped beating.
It was a horrific time and I was also in a broken relationship so was very painful but over time I managed to get on with life.
I'm pregnant now 14 weeks and am so happy.
You will conceive again and everything will work out, I get it though it hurts so much. Plenty rest, box sets and lots of chocolate x

I'm so sorry for your loss I've had three mcs, and each one was so devastating, because you just don't expect to happen/keep happening to you.

I know it may not feel like it now, but time is a great healer. If you have a negative, you can start ttc again when you feel ready. I was lucky to be able to conceive again within 1-4 months after each mc, and have a DD and currently 23wks pregnant.

Take care of yourself and all the best.

Thank you everyone for your support, the same goes to you all going through this too or having done in the past.

That's a good point letsgo, about by knowing then there may be something someone could do in future to help us if they keep recurring.

I am rooting for you all whatever stage you are at and here if anyone needs to chat I hear you!

My heart goes out to you. I have miscarried 4 times and eventually had 4 babies. The instant swiping away of a person, their future, all those firsts is utterly devastating and will take time to come to terms with. I made my peace by thinking I'd probably miscarried a baby with serious illness and by me suffering now I was saving my baby from suffering. And that's what mothers do. I swear I only have 4 kids through sheer pigheaded refusal to give in to nature's cruelty. I hope your luck improves soon. Remember, there was absolutely nothing you could have done to prevent the miscarriage.