AIBU .......to not want to go to friends hen party weekend

[kd73]

I had a m/c in Aug after trying for years to conceive no1 child. After the m/c hardly any of my friends contacted me with support, which I still find very disappointing although I understand we are all busy.

Anyway, just found out that friend A is now expecting 2nd child and also organising a hen weekend for a mutual friend.

I have asked the organiser to avoid the first week of March as that was when my baby was due and I don't want to ruin weekend if upset. Basically been told "its not upto me its upto the bride and if she wants it to be the first weekend in March its her decision"

The bride is obviously unaware and I don't want to cause a fuss but am very annoyed : AIBU?

could you not agree then if it does fall that particular week feel ill? or the other option is explain why its not good weekend to the bride im sure she would understand!

So sorry to hear about your MC.
From my experience of bereavement, your friends were probably a bit embarrassed and shy, and scared to contact you. It's a bit crap I know, but it is really common.
If the bride is a mutual friend, could you contact her about it? The organiser might have had a zillion "OK, but make it X week and not Y"s and just be a bit jaded, enough to make her really insensitive (and she is being really really insensitive). Hopefully the bride would have more sense and more clout.

I just don't want to make a fuss nor do I want to appear a sour puss by cancelling at short notice.

Oh kd73 - I am sorry to hear that hardly any of your friends supported you through your miscarriage - being busy is not a good enough reason, so you are perfectly right to feel disappointed.

I think the organiser was overly blunt with you, considering your reason for requesting avoiding dates

I would say that you should speak to the bride in person, and just explain that if the hen weekend is planned for the first week of March then you will have to miss out because you feel you will be too upset. I would suggest she will probably make sure it is held on another weekend if possible so that you can make it.

If they go full steam ahead with the date, then you are not being unreasonable to not want to go, and everyone should understand why you decline the invitation.

Don't think of it as causing a fuss, think of it as making a request, the bride will probably be mortified to think that the organiser was so blunt - I know I would have been had my maid of honour spoke to any of my hens like that!!

Thanks for the advice.

I suppose it is just this one friend, who has been p*ing me off now for ages.

I planned a weekend away in the UK not far from home for the brides b'day earlier in the year. It was all planned around the hen party organiser who had wanted to go abroad on holiday, but it was agreed not a good idea as she had a young baby (1st child). Anyway at the b'day weekend, she pitches up with baby and complains constantly about facilities (it was Center Parcs), planned and agreed activities and even went so far as to yell at me in the market place.

Fast forward couple of months, I have m/c - not a dicky bird

Fast forward to Sunday, I phoned her to congratulate her on pg and check she was doing ok. Spoke about other things including christmas presents and hen party weekend. You know what she said about hen party but when I went to work yesterday, she emailed all our friends saying we had spoken and I had said I wanted to do the same as last year - which was to not bother. What I actually said was I was pushed for time and money and would rather spend an evening out having a good time with everyone.

Sorry for rant, but I am really upset and disappointed whilst other friends think I am being sensative.

Considering just walking away from them all which will be very sad as they have been my closest friends for years!

thanks for listening

Perhaps not so easy to do, but please don't let this one idiot ruin your relationship with all of you oldest friends. If you're a bit shy about talking to the bride, could you email her? That way you can re-read and check everything to make sure that it's exactly what you want to say, before you hit send, so that you come across exactly as you want.
I can't believe that someone could be so insensitive to you to be honest.

I cannot believe this woman, she certainly isn't someone worthy of your friendship, or your emotions, come to that. I know it is difficult with groups of friends. The politics can be awful. I would agree with MrsTittleMouse, perhaps email the bride and the others explaining what really happened, and why you are having these feelings.

I might be out of line here, but if none of them care how you feel then you are better off without them, they are clearly not deserving of a friend who puts in the effort, like you do. Keep your chin up, and where possible always maintain the higher ground - be calm and collected and just explain what was really said by you in the conversation.

The little devil on my shoulder would persuade me to "reply all" to the organisers email and say "that's not actually what I said, but I am not surprised that it has been relayed in this way"

Take care of yourself first and foremost Kd