Well, I guess it's now or never....

[NowOrNeverTTC]

I am nearly 39 and DH is nearly 42. The time has never been right, and even now it isn't great to be honest, but given our ages I don't really think we can hold off much longer.

Honestly I am convinced that it will all go wrong. Our child will be the one that has all sorts of illnesses and difficulties. Maybe everyone thinks like that. Maybe it's just because of where we work, that we see all these problems and so you become convinced that it will also happen to you.

We are in the process of buying our own home. It's sucking up all our savings so in theory I won't be able to take a full year of maternity as we simply won't have the savings.

I wish we had met each other and been able to sort our lives out a lot sooner! But things just never seemed to go right for us.

It's so hard being at the start of two alternative footpaths and not knowing which is the right one to choose. In fact, we'll never know, until it's too late!

I think it is natural to want a perfect healthy child at the 'right' time with the ultimate partner.

I would say listen to your gut feeling. It such a personal decision. My situation is less than ideal but I know we will manage. I'm 33 (DP is 46), I would have loved to have met him sooner and ideally things would be perfect but life handed out a crap hand and here we are!

What does your gut feeling say?

Didn’t want to read and run!

I have 2 kids... first one was a surprise to a boyfriend and the second to my now ex husband! Both times could have viewed as not the right time!! And I am a firm believer there is never the right time but you make it work! If it is something you guys want go for it!!! Ttc is hard for every one no matter your age etc! I’m on cycle 2 with a new DP and I’ve no idea if it will work for us! But we are actively trying but also living our lives so we aren’t stalling future plans for the what ifs!! Ttc can be consuming as well so distracting yourself is a must. There are a few ways you can ‘help’ it along by tracking your cycle... it’s possible with your age so don’t let that put you off! Xx

Thank you both for your comments!

My gut says all sorts of things...

• It would be better to wait until we had actually moved into our home (currently going through conveyancing so as you know nothing is guaranteed, anyone could pull out at any time!)

• It would be better to wait until we have built some savings back up after having moved in.

• We are both quite old, meaning higher risk of problems both before and after birth, have we left it too late?

• We don't have any family nearby and few friends (it's difficult to make new friends at 40!), is this madness?

• We love children, love our nieces and nephews, and think the future might look a little empty without a child in it.

@NowOrNeverTTC well I'm in the same boat as you for points 1 & 4, and slightly further stage for point 2.
We decided that as it takes at least 9 months before a child arrives there was plenty of time to save (we've been TTC for 6mnths now with no joy) and my partner and I both grew up in houses which our parents had just moved into, so hadn't decorated or improved. It had no impact on our lives as children, and we both laugh at how there are bare walls, no curtains, hand-me-down furniture in our old photos. I don't ever remember missing out because of an old carpet.
We also live 3 hours away from family so are under no illusions that things will be tough.
For us, the want/need to have our own family is far stronger than any obstacle. Plenty of women have healthy babies 'late' in life.

It's a very personal decision which only you and your partner can make.

Personally I don't think anyone is ever ready, I certainly don't feel 100% confident, but the thought of not trying now is worse.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer

Xx

Honestly, I feel like if everyone waited for the perfect time to have children - then most people would never have kids!

I'm pretty much the opposite - we tried for our first baby when I was 20 years old and he's now 10 months and we're pregnant with our second, as you can imagine it's got a lot of judgment but we're so so happy with our choices.

Only you can make that decision OP, like someone said, there's no right or wrong answer, it's what you feel fits the life you want as a family