Despair after miscarriage

[Krimson]

I had a missed miscarriage in February at 11 weeks (baby was measuring 8 weeks). I've read how you are meant to be extra fertile after a miscarriage yet I've not conceived since and my period has just arrived today. I feel full of despair and grief and I'm 34 at the start of July and worry I've left it too late. I just can't see any hope left and would give anything to go back and start a few years earlier.

A sending you big hugs , miscarriages are so so common. You are not too old at 34 is this the first one ?

I'm in similar shoes. I had my first baby last year in August. We're now ttc our second as I'm 34 years old. We started ttc at the beginning of this year and I had an early miscarriage in February at 4 weeks and 5 days. Since then no success.

I'm also worried I'm too old and it will never happen.

I'm sure it will happen for you though and sometimes the body needs a couple of months to sort itself out after miscarriage. all the best xxx

@pumpkinpie01

A sending you big hugs , miscarriages are so so common. You are not too old at 34 is this the first one ?

Yes it was my first one and I think thats what it makes it all the more worrisome. My parents are 68 too and I just worry as well about them not being around.

@Krimson I'm totally with you. I'm trying for baby number one and had a miscarriage at 13 weeks in January and had a chemical beginning of April - it's all I can think about at the mo..I just want it to happen 😔

That sounds so hard. It's such a horrible time. I'm literally paralysed at times with fear of it not happening. Any positive stories would be welcome

I know the feeling @Krimson and I'm sorry for your loss.

I had a miscarriage in February and kept being told how fertile I'll be straight after - So frustrating! X

That's what gets me too! Everyone says things happen for a reason but I fail to see how this is a good thing

I feel you. I had a very early miscarriage last year and nothing since except a faint chemical in September.

I'm 44. I really wish I'd started at your age! I hope it works for you. I'm sorry for your loss.

First, you aren't too old. I know how the miscarriage can completely f* with your head. I had a miscarriage in January and still no luck. I conceived right away with that one and I think I've gotten my expectations all out of whack. From what I see it's very common for it to take 6 months to a year. Please don't be so hard on yourself. I think things like "If only I'd have started this time last year instead of waffling back and forth like an idiot" but that doesn't help. Our experiences and lives have brought us here to this very moment, we only have this moment now and the future, what's done is in the past. Sending hugs, it's such a hard thing to go through but I know you have the strength to make it through day by day.

Thank you for the replies. I always had in my head, 34 as the age I wanted to finish my family and I'm not started and just have all these worries of being an old mum etc. I know it's irrational. The replies here have helped

@Krimson sorry for your loss. I had my first DC last June at 35. Surprisingly, I conceived very quickly despite my age and having PCOS. You are not too old! I'll be 37 this year and we've just started TTC DC2.

I understand that it must be really difficult TTC after a loss but please don't let your age be an additional worry. It will happen! All the best x

really sorry to hear about MC and your desperation. it's tough.

I was 35 when I had my MC. it was quite out of the blue as we already had 4 healthy boys.
I wasn't mentally ready to try again until after the due date passed. had 3 more kids, no issues, youngest was born just a month before my 40th birthday.
SIL1 MC 2nd pg, had another 4 healthy kids afterwards, she was over 40 with her youngest SIL3 has 10 kids, she was again around 40 with youngest and had 4 MCsin between the others (including a vanishing twin).
my sister had infertility issues for years, had to have surgery on her womb, 3 rounds of IVF yielded nothing.
then unexpectedly she conceived naturally, when she was 42.

Sorry, not meaning to rub it in, rather trying to encourage you that you are definitely not too old and lots of people have healthy babies near/in their 40s.

stress is an enemy when you try to conceive. and you are still grieving.
so please try find ways to relax and distract yourself.
give your mind some rest while your body & soul are recovering from the loss.

sending you much love x

Sorry for you loss. I miscarried our first pregnancy in January. Like you I'd read about being more fertile and wanted to be pregnant again asap but it wasn't happening. That and the grief was all I could think about. I'm around 5 weeks 3 days today and very anxious but hopeful. I hope you get your happy ending soon

Forgot to day I'm 36 this month

Thank you all for your comments and lots of love to those that have struggled as well. My partner would be 36 by the time we had a baby too and I need to get out my head he's too old too!

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

Your post is so positive and good to read for us ladies who experienced a miscarriage recently. Thank you very much!

@Iworry2021

that was my intention (I really didn't want it to come across smug or anything!!)

sending lots of love to you and everyone on here who experienced MC heartache.
I'm rooting for all of you.

And a little thing I want to add is that every year on the anniversary of the due date we have a day to remember her. we call it "pink day", have pink cupcakes or pink icecream and talk about her.
some people let off balloons or release candles on a paperboat on a river.
I find marking her "almost birthday" soothing. hope it's a helpful tip.

It will happen for you, keep the faith. I'm 35 and had a MMC at 10+4 in Sept. First baby too. Conceived again at end of Dec and now 22 weeks pregnant. You'll get there, stay positive. It will happen.

Ps keep using your OPKs if you're not already

Hello Ladies, I have just come across this post and just thought I would reach out about what's happened to me.
I have two children from a previous relationship. Youngest is eight years old.
Me and my partner have been trying since 2017 and couldn't conceive naturally so we went down the IVF route in 2020 during the pandemic. My partner has no biological children of his own. The IVF was successful and we found out a few days before Christmas. All was well and I had pregnancy symptoms although the nausea was mild. At our scan at 8 weeks unfortunately there was no heartbeat. I was in the scanning room alone as my partner had to wait in the car. I felt sick and couldn't take it all in and asked for them to repeat the scan so I could see for myself. I needed hard facts and I needed them to be clear and accurate. I was in their for 45 minutes, alone whilst they contacted the EPU. When I got to the car I had to break the news to be eager and excited partner. We cried the whole way home. I ended up having two surgical procedures as the first one didn't work. The first surgery I was waiting 12 hours and started to miscarry on a hospital bed in the reception area of the ward so could hear other women and phone calls etc! Awful. Second surgery was better and I fully recovered within a week with no bleeding.
In April we magically became pregnant naturally! I couldn't believe it, I was convinced I couldn't have any more children naturally after having an emergency C-section with my youngest daughter. I thought my tubes were blocked...obviously not. This pregnancy was going well, good signs and symptoms but nausea was still only mild compared to the two pregnancy's with the children I have but presumed all pregnancies are different. We painfully waited for our 12 week scan (although I knew I was only 8w6days due to late ovulation) and I sat again in the waiting room alone because my partner had to wait in the corridor until I was called in. We got into the room and and the sonographer popped out quickly to fetch my notes and we hugged each other and said 'we will always have each other no matter what' and then the sonographer took over. She asked me how I was and I said nervous as I've had a MMC in January. I put my hands over my eyes and my partner rested his hand on my shoulder. She commented on how full my bladder was and said she will be quite for a minute. Well that minute felt like five and I opened my eyes and looked at the screen. The foetus was so still and no visible heartbeat so I knew that this was happening again. She asked me to go to the toilet and she would get another sonographer and do an internal. When I came back and started to undress I just looked at my partner and said 'here we go again' and yes, internal scan confirmed another mmc at 7w5d. I have surgery booked for Thursday and have had to cancel going to my sisters baby shower because I just cannot face it. Why is this happening!!? I have had two children and yet we just cannot sustain a pregnancy. I am speaking to my dr on Monday as I would like to have my thyroid checked and my FSH levels. Has anyone gone on to have a successful pregnancy after two miscarriages and did they find anything that supported you, ie meds? Thanks for listening. Just writing this down is helping me grieve and feel less alone xxx

@Lauren87E I’ve got no advice at all but wanted to say how sorry I am that you’ve had to go through this. I really hope that you find some answers soon 💐💐

I'm so sorry for all these losses... 😞
I hope we all get our 🌈 babies.

I'm 36 and was scared I'm too old. Fell pregnant in March and had a MMC 3 weeks ago. Luckily I had my own private scans booked and we found out rather than get to 12weeks and find out.
I was so happy I was pregnant at 36 and I wasn't adding another year on to worry through but alas. It is my bday next month so il now be worrying I'm TTC at 37

We were 'going with the flow' since Christmas and it happened in 3 months . Im hoping to be relaxed about it this time around too but the age does add pressure on me in my own head. Hopefully all goes well. I'm hopeful for us all x