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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Second baby at 40?

26 replies

Mattieandmummy · 20/05/2021 22:02

So.... Here we go am looking for a bit of advice and maybe some success stories.

I'm just 40 and we're trying for number 2 and as a bit of back history I got pregnant at 35, conceived immediately and had a MMR which turned out to be a partial molar pregnancy which scared the life out of me. Who knew you could get cancer from pregnancy - not me and we lost a year and a half to that one.

Second pregnancy at 37, again conceived immediately, no problems with pregnancy but super traumatic birth. DD was dead on arrival, shoulder got stuck, the cord was wrapped around her neck and some lovely midwife birth related negligence thrown in just for kicks. We spent wo weeks in intensive care and sadly she has brain damage. After two years of terror on my part and consultant reviews DD was discharged as a medical miracle - her doctors words, not mine and she's absolutely fine. Words cannot describe the relief.

So January this year, when I was 39 we tried again and pregnant immediately again but miscarried. I think stress was at least part to play as I basically had a nervous breakdown with fear about previous pregnancy and DD birth. At that point I was still breastfeeding DD and after loads of fertility tests and counseling I might add the verdict was that breastfeeding was messing with my hormones and I wasn't going to be able to carry a pregnancy full term. DD is now weaned and all my hormones are back to normal, and after a lot of tests our consultant at the Lister Clinic has told us we have a good chance and we should try for at least 3 months and up to 6 before going back to them. CRGH told us the same thing.

This is all super positive from a fertility point of view and I totally recognise that I'm really lucky in that regard but I just can't get the idea out of my head that I'm 40 and it's not going to happen for us.

Has anyone done this at 40+ and been successful naturally?

OP posts:
jeannie46 · 20/05/2021 22:33

Yes - had d 6 weeks before my 42nd birthday. No problem conceiving.

Aunt had d at 40½ and another d at 42½

G mother had last d at 41½. Last 3 all home births! All natural.
Those were the days!

Original poster
Mattieandmummy · 21/05/2021 07:25

Thanks for replying, it does help. Everything I seem to see in the press seems to suggest it's basically impossible but am trying to be positive about it all.

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sunlight81 · 21/05/2021 07:33

39.5 (so very nearly forty) and gave birth to Twins!!!! Stupid ovaries went into overdrive Shock

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 21/05/2021 07:37

I'll be 40 in a few weeks and currently approx 7 weeks pregnant with our 2nd, DS is 2yrs 8months so it is do-able!

Original poster
Mattieandmummy · 21/05/2021 07:45

Gosh sunlight81 I bet that was a shock but amazing at the same time 😂

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BabyMoonPie · 21/05/2021 07:55

I'm 41 next month and 10 weeks pregnant with #2. Took over 2 years to conceive but it's a natural pregnancy.

BurningBenches · 21/05/2021 10:13

Baby 4 took 19m at 38/9 and was born when I'd just turned 40.

Baby 5 is arriving in June just short of 42
My periods had been back about 6m but I only stopped breastfeeding baby 4 the month before I got pregnant.

SageMist · 21/05/2021 12:51

I had my second child at 40. I think it's important that you are realistic about the likely hood of miscarriages at this age. I had 4 before DD was born and 2 after. We stopped trying after the last miscarriage as I just couldn't deal with the emotional upheaval anymore.

birdbybird · 21/05/2021 19:43

Hi @SageMist if you don’t mind, at what stage were your miscarriages?

I had my first child when I turned 39 and have been ttc second since I turned 40. In 3 cycles have had 1 chemical and 1 miscarriage at 8 weeks. The miscarriages in addition to being sad also rob you off time.

Twickerhun · 21/05/2021 19:47

Both DH and I had grandparents who gave birth (for the last time) aged 47. I know a lovely lady who had her first, naturally conceived at 49. It’s rare but far from impossible.

FraterculaArctica · 21/05/2021 19:49

It sounds as though you have conceived very quickly with previous pregnancies. I am so sorry for the loss and trauma you've had in the process. My experience for what it's worth (I'm well aware I'm just one individual) is that conceiving quickly is a good predictor you will do so again. DC3 was conceived a week after we decided we'd go for a third child - I was a couple of months past 41 at the time (previous children conceived at 35 and 37). Of course that's no guarantee you will have such a straightforward time but it shows its very possible.

LividBlabber · 21/05/2021 19:53

Following.

Got my period today, three days early. Nearly 41. Miracle baby 1. Bf with one Fallopian tube left and a scary history of loss.

SageMist · 21/05/2021 19:55

Hi @birdbybird, around 7- 10 weeks.

CustardyCreams · 21/05/2021 20:15

Fell pregnant at age 42, my second pregnancy, wasn’t really expecting to get pregnant so easily (had unprotected sex twice). Pregnancy was uneventful, labour was much easier second time around, baby boy absolutely perfect.

So it can happen.

Sorry you have had a very tough time to date, but try not to be too anxious. No two pregnancies are exactly alike.

Original poster
Mattieandmummy · 21/05/2021 21:59

Thanks so much everyone for taking the time to reply, it's really heartening. Am trying to bolster myself up with the thought that I've done it 3 times so far and pretty quickly let's face it so maybe I can do it again (although ideally not lose another!)

Thanks @FraterculaArctica for your words, they really resonated with me.

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Original poster
Mattieandmummy · 22/05/2021 05:17

@LividBlabber I know someone in your exact situation who was told to not even bother trying as they had no chance at all and they had their second, naturally too. I can't remember how long it took but I know they had totally given up and weren't using protection as they thought it was impossible.

So don't give up, if it can happen to my friend - why not you?

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herecomesfrog · 22/05/2021 18:07

@Mattieandmummy I’ve sent you a PM x

timeforanother1 · 22/05/2021 22:19

I'm 40 and ttc #2.

Got pg with #1 first try- about 7th cycle now so it's a bit crap!

My age doesn't worry me.
I'm wary of birth going wrong as last time pg was a breeze but got to 37 weeks and things went downhill.

However I do feel armed with what I know from last time and if lucky enough the second time I won't be standing for any sh*t.

I'm a big believer in what's meant to be...

MrsRyan15 · 22/05/2021 22:39

I turned 40 at the start of the year and am 7 weeks pregnant with #2.

It took 18 months to conceive DD when I was 37, so was unsure if we would conceive a 2nd time, but it only took 3 months.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 22/05/2021 22:47

My 2nd was born 6 weeks before my 41st birthday. My family tree is full of babies born to mums over 40. Until my generation and an acceptance of contraception it seemed to the norm (for us).

ladygindiva · 22/05/2021 22:50

Twins here as well, a week after I turned 42. I'm sorry for your losses x

Helbelle75 · 22/05/2021 22:54

I had a mmc at 40, then dd1 at 41. It was an uncomplicated pregnancy, but emcs after failed induction.
I then had a blighted ovum - found out at the 12 week scan - at 43. Dd2 came along when I was 44, uncomplicated pregnancy, born by elcs.
All conceived naturally.
It's been a bit of a journey, but they are wonderful girls and I am enjoying every minute of them.

Original poster
Mattieandmummy · 25/05/2021 19:29

I am trying to be positive about it all and not look back to the mistake I feel I made by not trying in my early 30's. It seems every Mum I see at the moment is much younger than me and has two or three which is tough.

Also currently slightly panicking that my FSH level and my thyroid levels that were taken when I was still breastfeeding my first will now be a lot higher as the depressive function of bf-ing has been removed.

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Original poster
Mattieandmummy · 25/05/2021 19:31

Pressed post too early....

Thank you everyone for posting and I know I should be grateful for having one little girl especially with our start but my goodness some days it's so tough to be positive

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Original poster
Mattieandmummy · 06/06/2021 09:17

....

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