I'm probably being irrational but why am I not pregnant yet? Need to moan

[DappledOliveGroves]

Just want to moan really. I'm 39. I started TTC last year, got pregnant immediately and had a MMC at just over 10 weeks. Had to pause TTC then as I started a new job. Started trying again in January and again got immediately pregnant. That ended in a miscarriage at 8 weeks.

I had a D&C mid-March, have been trying since then and nothing. I know it's a very short time frame but I've had 2 cycles since then and don't know why I'm not pregnant. I'm taking every vitamin under the sun. I have a box of medication downstairs to start using as soon as I get a BFP, prescribed by private consultant to try and prevent another miscarriage. Just peed on my third FRER since last week and BFN. I'm due on Saturday and it looks like AF is on her way.

I've never charted ovulation before and am reluctant to do so as it'll likely make me more neurotic and demanding, and if I pile the pressure on DP he's less likely to be able to 'finish'. He thinks I'm insane and need to relax.

In my mind I wonder if I start the IVF process come August/September, if no success, before I turn 40 next February.

I'm just feeling so miserable and bitter. I'm super lucky enough to have a 20 year old daughter, but want so badly to be pregnant and have a baby.

Anyone else in a similar position? I just feel time is running out.

@DappledOliveGroves I'm so sorry for your losses. I had a mmc two years ago and it was so difficult .

You know that you can get pregnant and that is a big plus! However, unfortunately, although the last two times were quick, it is just luck. It can take up to a full year to conceive and this is very normal, even when you conceived quickly previously.

Thank you @wunderlnst

I know it's irrational. I think I have PMT. I'm just feeling so angry at people having endless children (or so it seems). Then I worry that the D&C has somehow wrecked my uterus or something. I thought I'd get pregnant again quickly - everyone says you're more fertile after a miscarriage and it seems to be the opposite for me.

@DappledOliveGroves sorry you're feeling this way. I feel the exact same. We're TTC #1 and we're 27 which I thought was quite young and would mean more fertile. It took 4 cycles to get a BFP in jan, then had mmc. I had an ERPC in march. Not sure if I ovulated in March or not so April was cycle 1 again and currently 10dpo with Bfns in cycle 2. I'm just so fed up. I know it maybe doesn't sound that bad but it's now 9 months I've been off the pill and nothing to show for it. Then I see people come along and get BFP first cycle or junkies with their 6 kids and it makes me so mad!! Maybe I'm a bad person who doesn't deserve a BFP. I'm just so sad

@DappledOliveGroves it won't have, please don't worry. I had an erpc and now have an 8 month old fighting bedtime!

You always read that you're so pregnant after a mc on here and I refute it every single time I read it because it is again just luck and not based on any evidence! It took me 8 months to conceive first time when I was 29 and had my mmc and I conceived my daughter 8 months after my erpc.

Thanks all. I'm just terrified as in 9 months I'll be 40 and then what?

@justwant2beamum are you charting ovulation? Not sure if I should order a basal thermometer or if that'll make things worse?

What fertility investigations have you had done so far? Hycosy or HSG, AMH, thyroid, STI's, semen analysis? I'm assuming you have TTC more than 6mths overall, possibly over a year, so would warrant speaking to your GP for a referral to an NHS fertility specialist to do these tests- if not done already. Whilst waiting, you can always have tests done privately. Have you checked the requirements on age for IVF in your area? Mine only allows 1 cycle after the age of 40, whereas some allow none!

I'd suggest reading a book call 'It starts with an egg'. I bought mine from ebay, but do check you get the latest version. Lots of useful tips which might help. I use the ovia app on my phone and log periods etc. I think GLO is another one. I'm not religious in terms of using opks, but know my mucous and the changes. If you keep no record at all, how do you know when is your fertile time or when AF is due? How would you date a pregnancy?

I started TTC age 32. 11 yrs on, I've had 3mc's and no specific cause found other than old eggs! Older eggs are more likely to have genetic problems which can lead to MC. The fact you get pregnant quickly is great, BUT, without knowing the reason for your losses or checking there aren't other issues, no point jumping to IVF.

If you do MC again, you can have the MC product checked for chromosonal issues and genetic problems if you organise to take it to the EPU. You should also be referred to the recurrent MC clinic, BUT, they have age limits. Mine is limited at 43, so do check. Best of luck next time though x

@DappledOliveGroves just opks, I don't really want to bbt as feel it's just something else I'll obsess and get upset over. I got bloods to check thyroid after mc my tsh is 2.48 and I've read it should be under 2.5 for TTC so I'm concerned about that. Dunno if I should ask for meds to bring it down?

@Elouera - technically we've been trying since about 26th March, so less than 2 months. I've had two losses in the last 10 months and a period of 5 months of that using contraception as couldn't risk a new pregnancy with a brand new job. I've had no investigations to date, other than a basic blood test, because the consultant at the Early Miscarriage Clinic (who rejected my referral) thinks it was just bad luck. I'm not eligible for IVF as I have a child. If I have another miscarriage then I will be eligible for a referral to the recurrent miscarriage clinic.

I'm considering IVF on the basis that if at least I could produce some viable eggs, which turned into embryos, they'd at least be on ice and might take some of the pressure off. From what I read, IVF success rates are better under 40, so I have 9 months to consider my options.

Re: timing of conception, I've used my iPhone app and had lots of sex the week I think I'm ovulating, also noting changes in cervial mucus. It seemed to work perfectly the two times I got pregnant, so am reluctant to start charting or using OPKs because I'm stressed out enough as it is and don't want to make things worse.

@justwant2beamum I don't know what my thyroid levels were - the GP just said they were normal. I guess there's no harm in asking to speak to the GP to find out more about your levels?

Sorry you’re having a shit time

I temped when we were ttc and had a bunch of mcs and I found it took the stress out. I read the brilliant book Taking charge of your fertility, read all the ttc stuff that was relevant to me in an evening, got a cheap bbt thermometer off amazon, used the fertility friend app and just did it as soon as I woke up every morning. It stopped me wasting money on tests, I got to know my cycle better and could prepare better for AF.

I know what you mean about worrying you’ll start obsessing but I honestly found it the opposite. You do it once a day, stick in your app when you remember and it’s done. You’re already completely preoccupied with ttc, happens to a lot of us, and with temping at least you’ll have some specifics to deal with.

Worth a go. Costs a few quid and takes no time and if you don’t like it then stop.

Wishing you every success.

Your OP says you started TTC last year (and you got pregnant) but now, you say you have only been TTC 2mths! If you have been TTC 6mths over all, or more, speak to your GP to get tests done!

Even if you are paying for IVF, they won't start anything without doing all the regular fertility tests!

@Elouera if you read her posts she's been TTC 2 months since her last loss. She's been TTC a lot longer over all.

Thanks @AnneLovesGilbert. My main concern about temping is then having to translate that into having sex. It's bad enough with my app - when it gives me the likely fertile week it means I want to have sex at least every other day and DP feels the pressure. The more I think I need to have sex, the less likely it is that he'll ejaculate, which then turns into a vicious cycle. I don't want to make it into an issue or destroy our sex life (which, when not TTC, is absolutely fine), which is why I worry more about pinpointing ovulation in that way. At least if it's a fertile 'window' then I feel slightly less pressure.

I'm not great with a poker face and we're both so knackered in the week anyway, that trying to initiate sex repeatedly in the week makes it blindingly obvious what's happening. It's times like this when I wish that DP was one of those partners who badgers for sex endlessly. Normal times we're quite happy with a couple of times a week.

@justwant2beamum- I understand. The point is, the OP hasn't gone for any tests other than a blood test to check why her pregnancies are failing. After 6mths TTC overall at her age, she can be referred on the NHS. By her saying to the GP 'I've TTC only 2mths' they will do nothing. By her saying 'overall I've being TTC for 6+mths' they should actually refer her.

I've been ttc for over nine months with a miscarriage, and I'm over 35. My GP did a thyroid test, iron, and a couple of the hormone tests, then sent me away and said they couldn't offer anything else or refer me as my miscarriage rules me out (my miscarriage was seven months ago) as it shows we can get pregnant. I've booked a private semen analysis and planning to get day 3 private bloods - it wasn't too expensive.

Second the It Starts with the Egg book, I've ordered the supplements and am following the advice, found it really useful.

I am temping, and would really recommend, I've found it takes out the stress. Also, it tells you after you've already ovulated, it doesn't predict your fertile window, so there won't be extra pressure. This cycle I have had five peak days of opk's with ewcm, I might have thought I'd ovulated already and stopped having sex, but I can see from my temps I haven't so I am keeping testing and keeping having sex

Well just coming back here for a moan really. I just can't seem to catch a break at the moment everything bad just keeps happening to me and it just all feels so unfair and overwhelming. Like why do I have to have everything isn't one thing enough? I've just had the shittest day as it is and I've just seen on Instagram Louise Thompson (made in Chelsea person) is pregnant. She posted that she'd had a mc earlier this year in March. And she's just announced she's 12 weeks. I feel like a horrible person as I wouldn't wish how I feel on anyone but I can't help but think well it's ok for you you obviously got pregnant again first cycle. And I've got so upset about it like why couldn't that have happens to me. Why do I have to struggle with this along with everything else I have going on. Isn't struggling to conceive bad enough? Isn't having a miscarriage bad enough? Isn't having 18 months of hell and stress with a job destroying all your confidence and who you are as a person bad enough? What on earth have I done to deserve all of this? 😭 I just don't know how to cope any more. What is there actually left for me?

@justwant2beamum I'm so sorry you're feeling shit. This whole process is so unfair. I saw that Princess Beatrice is pregnant and that feels like a kick in the teeth.

I just get fed up seeing people getting pregnant so easily and having healthy babies, particularly those who seem to have endless children they don't even want. I know it's irrational and being bitter doesn't help, but it's hard not to be upset.

Do you have any plans or next steps re: fertility? What is the GP saying?