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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Does anyone else feel bitterly jealous...

17 replies

zizl · 14/05/2021 20:15

...when someone tells you they're pregnant? There's been a lot of announcements recently and I've managed to suck it up until now but my best friend told me recently and I couldn't even bring myself to say congratulations. I feel terrible.

OP posts:

JamieFrasersLover · 14/05/2021 20:18

I think if you are struggling to conceive yourself then its a normal feeling. Lots of women who struggle feel like this. When my sister told me she was pregnant I couldn't speak to her because I just wanted it to be me. I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. X

EveryMumDay · 14/05/2021 20:19

@zizl

Definitely yes!! Same boat as you and it sucks! Bless you, it's hard to hear pregnancy announcements and especially when the people are close to you.

You are happy deep down for them but can't help feel sad at the same time.

Your time will come soon too.

Stay strong

Loops01 · 14/05/2021 21:39

I read this title and just went 'YES!' in my head in a very moody way haha. I have had 10 people within 2 weeks announce. Of course they are all due roughly less tuna a month apart. It was horrible. A real low. Only 1 family member (SIL of course!) and thankfully not REALLY close friends but my best friend has now said she is trying properly and she is ahead of me in her cycle. It's horrible again. I want to be happy for them but I can't. I feel like digging a hole in the ground and living there every day apart from around ovulation!

Original poster

zizl · 14/05/2021 21:48

@Loops01 ah sorry, I totally understand.
My best friend wasn't even trying, I still can't believe it. It's the way she only wanted to talk about her pregnancy as well, I just started a new job and she didn't ask about it at all.

OP posts:

Loops01 · 14/05/2021 21:55

Yeah my trying friend is now asking me all the questions but it's very one sided. It is rubbish. I guess when we finally get the positive things will work out easier (hopefully...!) but it does feel never ending sadly

xoJellyBean · 14/05/2021 22:39

Same boat as you op... to the point of feeling heartbroken!

Original poster

zizl · 14/05/2021 22:56

@xoJellyBean

Same boat as you op... to the point of feeling heartbroken!

Sorry

I hope you're ok.

OP posts:

pheasantsinlove · 15/05/2021 08:59

Totally normal. When my best friend told me she was pregnant I cried for 3 days... proper sobbed! I was happy for her but so jealous!

The absolute worst thing people can say is ' your time will come / it'll be your turn soon' etc. We TTC for 9 years and my time never did come. It took a lot of coming to terms with.

If you are struggling to conceive my biggest advice is tell people. We didn't tell people we were trying for the first 3 years. Once people started to know what we were going through they were much more sensitive. Friends would tell me privately that they were pregnant rather than in a group or in public, because they knew I'd be emotional. They also knew, and this is important, that I was happy for them too. I always buy my friends jelly-cat rabbits when they're pregnant as a way of letting them know that just because I'm sad and wish I could be pregnant, they are my friend and I still want them to be excited and be able to share their journey with me.

It is hard. Just remember as hard as it is for you, it's an exciting time for them.

Original poster

zizl · 15/05/2021 09:50

Thanks @pheasantsinlove and sorry to hear about your struggles.
I think it's just the shock of being presented with a piece of baby clothing or scan and being expected to jump up and down in excitement. I will definitely be more careful and considerate if I have a pregnancy to announce in future, you just never know what someone is going through.
I did end up telling her I'm trying but she brushed it off and went back to talking about the pregnancy.

OP posts:

Tinkerbell04 · 15/05/2021 10:31

@pheasantsinlove this is such a lovely post, thank you. Your gracious way of blessing your friends that way is a really generous way to let them know you support them while acknowledging your pain.

choccrumpet · 15/05/2021 12:27

@zizl yes! It's so shit. But like others have said it is normal to feel this way and I think it's toxic to pretend you're fine when you're not.

@pheasantsinlove that's really lovely advice. I am more open with friends that we are struggling but not family so every now and again we do get those questions from them which can be hard. It has really helped me talking to friends about it because it explains to them why I might not be doing great mentally, some open up about their own struggles which I never knew about. It's really nice to have such open conversations about this, it helps to feel less alone and more understood

BearStack · 17/05/2021 12:44

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. Something very similar happened to me just as my husband and I were beginning fertility treatments. It was difficult for us both.

I don’t think people consider the mental impact trying for a baby has on people, which is a real shame.

DinkBoo · 19/05/2021 10:02

Joining the chorus

I spent a long time bitter as dh wasn't ready for yeeaaarrrssss inspite of our ages, then somehow managed to get pregnant the first month of ttc, but one undeveloped sac and one healthy strong heartbeat confirmed twice but lost at 11 and a bit weeks (over Christmas day and boxing day just gone).

Since the miscarriage dh hasn't been able to do his duty, so although we are officially trying again we can't, and I'm now starting to think perimenopause has been sneaking up on me for a while (turned 40 in Jan). Currently sat here with cramps and a hot water bottle on day 23.

I have had to unfollow a not-close-enough-to-tell friend on Facebook as she changed her profile picture to a massive bump one the week I would have hit 6 months.

On top of all that I've been unemployed for over 2 years, and looking for work/to retrain whilst 'ttc' is making me feel like I'm in limbo and simultaneously feeling like a huge failure as I've neither a job nor a family.

DinkBoo · 19/05/2021 10:07

sorry. Apparently I needed to vent.

xoJellyBean · 19/05/2021 18:56

Awww @DinkBoo I feel you ❤️ hope you're ok. That's so difficult. Would this be for your first? Have you see a GP?

CurlyNo2 · 19/05/2021 19:14

Yes!!!!!

My family member recently announced her pregnancy and although I'm happy for her, I have terrible jealousy. I know I should be grateful as we have an amazing 5 year old, but after trying for 13 months for no.2 and I'm 37, I feel like time is running out.

A friend who started trying after us, had her baby last month. My husband was dreading telling me. Again, happy for them but I feel like I crumble just a little more when I hear a pregnancy announcement.

DinkBoo · 19/05/2021 20:19

Thanks @xoJellyBean

Yes, it would be our first. I've not made a GP appointment yet, I can't quite face it somehow at the moment, and dh is very stressed at the moment and tends to shut down communication when he's stressed. So no way would he be willing to go through an appointment right now.

On the plus side at least he now believes me that ttc isn't easy the very fast conception the first time didn't help my case with him (it was fast as I've tracked for years and used to be loke clockwork, the short pregnancy and resultant miscarriage has really messed with my sense of knowing my body and what it does when).

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