10 months TTC, no luck. I'm so down

[Lizzyblue]

I'm 33 and been trying for 10 months now for first baby. I've seen friends get pregnant and have their babies during this time, family members are pregnant.
My friend keeps saying that the more I think about it the less likely it will happen, but I can't help not thinking about it.

I hate seeing pictures of my friends babies despite at the same time feeling incredibly happy for them. I have a constant feeling of guilt because I'm just so devastated I'm not getting pregnant.

Doesn't help that I've come on today.

I don't know what else to do, we are having regular sex, I'm using the clearblue ovulation kits. I just want to cry.

Hi there love, ah o really feel for you. I've been trying since feb so not as long but I really feel your pain. I'm 34.

I did 21 day bloods and I ovulated on day 14 as per tracker. We dtd every other day so it's getting strange now how it's not happening.

Giving you a hand hold and just reminding you are you not alone, it is normal to take a while. My GP is heavily pregnant atm and she had a long chat with me how it took her 16 months to get there. She was so full on understanding and said went through a turmoil too. She specialises in gynaecology so it was extra painful for her as she said people expected her 'to be a real expert in this field and she couldn't get pregnant'.

Sorry to hear you're feeling that way. I'm also 33 and have felt like that nearly every time my period came when I was in the height of trying (currently not in full swing of trying for reasons out of our control). Watching most people around me claim to fall within just a couple of months was tough.

After 12 months of trying you can speak to your gp and they'll start off by giving you day 21 bloods and do some basic checks for you and your partner. Why don't you give them a call and say you've tried for 12m now (only adding on 2 months so not an elaborate lie) and just check if everything is as it should be? It'll do no harm and just keep trying in the meantime and it'll probably just happen naturally, but you'd of got the ball rolling incase it doesn't xx

Hey! ☺️

Just wanted to drop by to tell you you’re certainly not alone!

I’m 33, been TTC for 15 months and nothing so far, I’ve only tested twice in 15 months as I simply can’t go through the motions of seeing a BFN month after month so tend to just wait for my period to rock up! 😅

I’ve done absolutely everything I can find to do & no luck, I guess just playing the waiting game.

Like you I’ve watched family members, friends and colleagues fall pregnant and give birth in this time frame so it doesn’t get any easier.

As sausageface suggests maybe give your GP a call to book the first appointment I went to mine mid March and currently going through the bloods/partners awaiting his appointment next month.

Good luck! Xx

So sorry you’re feeling down, and just wanted to let you know you’re really not alone in this. I’m now on cycle 12 and AF really hit me this month because I never thought it would take this long. I’ve had a nephew and niece since TTC, and three friends have fallen pregnant (two first try, apparently). I find it helps to just allow yourself to feel sad. I normally give myself day 1, and sometimes day 2/3 ha, to really moan/feel sad if I need to, because TTC can be so rubbish!

Also, I was literally ranting to my husband this morning because his mum said ‘you need to stay positive, the more you think about it the less likely it’ll happen’. Drove me mad! I 100% get that people mean well when they say this but I really get how tough it can be to hear things like this, because of course we’re going to think about it. As PP said, it might be worth starting the process with your GP, to hopefully put your mind at rest?

Thank you everyone.

Ok I'll talk to my GP soon and see if things are okay.

What doesn't help is I get awful periods (first two days are a right off) and I was on the pill for years because it dampens down the pain so it just makes me even more upset and is like a physical reminder it's not happening too. Doctors ruled out endometriosis and said I'm just unlucky with the pain ha.

It's so frustrating and emotionally draining, you spend most of your life trying not to get pregnant and when you want to it's a lot harder than you thought. Fingers crossed you all have some luck soon 🙏

Hi @Lizzyblue, I hear you and I'm in a similar position. I'm 38, so a few years older than you, and my husband and I have been TTC for 8 months.

I will just share some of my experience in case it is helpful. I had a sense quite early on something was up as I have had no gynae issues before, and all the women in my family conceive easily. It's a long story but after pushing the GP for a referral (and I didn't even have to wait so long, being over 35 but it's felt agonisingly slow), I recently had my ultrasound scan where they found a fibroid hanging inside my womb. Fibroids are very common (they are often in the womb lining, or outside it) and generally harmless but the consultant said fibroids in the cavity itself can affect implantation. It's probably been there for years and I had no idea. They can also cause painful periods from what I've read, and I have noticed mine be more painful as I've gotten older. I've just had it removed via hysteroscopy and we have to wait a month before TTC again. They have also found some issues with my husband's sperm (motility and morphology) so we may consider ICSI, although there is a chance we could conceive naturally.

Anyway, my learning from all this would be:

• If you can, just get yourself booked in and pay for an ultrasound scan at a private clinic now (I wish I had gone after 3 months, and you may have to wait longer on the NHS being under 35). I think they're relatively inexpensive (£300?) and this is totally worth forgoing something else IMHO! It's really not worth waiting months or years on the NHS for something that may be quite easy to diagnose. If they find things that may be making it more difficult to conceive, you could then pursue the NHS route for treatment if you want.

• Don't beat yourself up for 'thinking about it'. It is so disingenuous of people who say they barely thought about it and who claim they got pregnant because they were nonchalant. This is a physical process of sperm meeting egg! The vast majority of babies are intentional pregnancies, and even if they were conceived in the first month of TTC with a 'let's see what happens' mindset, they were still wanted and planned! Also, people conceive all around the world under all types of stress and strain (again, the vast majority in much worse physical and economic m conditions than us in the UK), and research shows very little link between stress and conception. So again, don't beat yourself up for wanting it to happen.

All the best, I'm rooting for you!

Just want to tell you you're not alone here! I'm 32 and TTC my first for 12 month but have gone through the rollercoaster of 15 cycles. Not had a whiff of a positive during this time. 2 of my closest friends announced their pregnancies one due next month, both fell pretty much straight away. Its hard, never thought I would be in this situation either xx

Hi everyone!
You’re definitely not alone here to be honest. I’ve been trying for 10 months - similar to @JLP256 (hi again btw) and nothing.

I class myself as healthy so I have booked in for fertility investigations privately. I can keep you posted in terms of what they do etc if you want. It got me so down too and I just couldn’t do anything more. Felt I was just talking all these vitamins, changing my diet, checking opks whole lot and I just am still not pregnant. I know if you go to nhs it can take around 2/3 months to get a referral, so if it hasn’t been 12 months but you’re nearly there @Lizzyblue it might be good to get the ball rolling now. Otherwise that 12 months turn into 15 months.
I have my appointment privately next week then the consultation follow up the following week. Going privately was a month wait so not too bad.
We’re all in this together. It is hard to see posts on here though of conceiving first time and “TTC no 3” I’m still TTC 1!!!

Just another person chiming in to say you are not alone! Trying for 15ish months now and nothing close to a BFP. It really is so hard watching people fall pregnant and give birth all in the time when you are waiting and hoping for your turn... I am seeing so many pregnancy announcements recently and its so hard not to feel upset and bitter about it sometimes! Really hope everyone on here has some good luck soon! ❤️

@Lizzyblue 😘 check about fibroids first. As soon as you can.

Go to your gp again. Get all blood tests done.

And honestly the following may help so worth considering:
No alcohol
No coffee or strong tea
Lots of strong green things like rocket, asparagus, spinach
Lots of fruit like strawberries, plums, peaches, apples
Not too much bread or pasta or chips etc

Lots of exercise

Swimming and walking are particularly good

And think that when you ovulate, that tiny egg is you, wanting to come here and be with you. Feel the hope inside you each month.

This may be a technical issue like fibroids or a lifestyle/happiness issue of a combination. Hopefully we are giving you a few ideas to try Xxx

Hi. Did any of you guys get pregnant in the end?

I'm on month 12 now 😔

@AlexandraPaige keep at it, it is so hard but you will get there. I fell pregnant last month on cycle 16, with 1 loss and now I'm around 8 week. It will happen!!! Keep having faith 🩷

Congratulations!!!!

Thank you x