Drinking alcohol while TTC?

[Elsbeth1]

I'm just wondering if people and their partners are cutting out alcohol while TTC?
I don't drink on a daily basis but when I do I tend to binge drink at social events which is probably not great
My partner does drink quite regularly but is now also only drinking socially (which would also be binge drinking)

I'm happy to drink less as I can socialise with my friends without drinking or with one glass but my partner is in a huff even over the suggestion!

What are your thoughts?

I get my partner to cut back drastically during fertile week but let him do his thing the rest of the time.

Usually I would say drink until a positive test but it sounds as if you have some unhealthy behaviours going on which is a bigger concern. Why cut back on a social drink but not the binging?

We kept on having a drink at the weekend. If we'd had any issues conceiving I would have cut it out, but we didn't.

I initially cut it out but TTC took so long for us (2yrs plus and now doing treatments) that I began to have 2-3 drinks a week again. Sperm is made in a 3 months cycle so there's not much point just getting your partner to reduce drinking during the fertile window, as the sperm will have already been made. Good luck with TTC, it can be a journey!

Well it is only our second month of trying and I've only gone out drinking once last month and him twice last month so I guess I won't worry about it for the next few cycles

@Bobbiepin I'm not sure I understand we only drink and therefore binge drink on social occasions

I'm happy to stop binge drinking on social occasions as I do other things with my friends (as I'm not drink at all) but as my partners social life revolves around the pub he's not happy to stop cold turkey

As in*

Quite honestly given what you're saying about both of your approaches to alcohol consumption suggests possible problem drinking and that should be addressed long term BEFORE you have dc.

Ttc, Pregnancy, childbirth and parenthood is stressful.

Going into all that while still having unhealthy behaviour and attitudes around alcohol is very ill advised.

That he is not happy at even the SUGGESTION that he simply cut back, suggests to me possible addictive issues (addiction doesn't necessarily mean daily consumption, it's far more about a persons relationship to their addiction of choice)

Plus children require sacrifice that's a basic of parenting, if he can't even sacrifice the amount he drinks on occasion, hardly great father material

I enjoy a bottle of wine on a Friday and Saturday (it takes me the 2 nights to drink a bottle of red for myself), but I avoid alcohol during fertile week.

I know people say drink until you see pink, but I'd rather avoid it if I could. I couldn't tell you the last time my husband had a drink!

We carried on drinking as we were. We both liked a drink before but both barely drink at all these days.
DD conceived in very boozy December where we were drinking most days for a fortnight.

TTC is a fairly new thing. People used to just move in/get married. Have sex without contraception. Live their lives, get pregnant (or not) People were not obsessed about how it would happen

It's more about social drinking equally binge drinking. Are you/DH able to go out to the pub/dinner etc and have two drinks and be satisfied with that?

If not, then I agree with pp about dealing with this as an issue before TTC. If you are, then yes, cutting back a bit to support your general health before you put it under a huge strain will be beneficial. If your partner can't reduce that in support then either he has a problem or you have a dh problem. Will he stop going to the pub when future dc are born?

*equalling

@potentialdogowner oh nooooo... didn't realise that about sperm, perhaps naively i thought they were fired out and then remade quickly! Going to have to stock up on the alcohol free beers!!

Thanks everyone yeah I think I'm obsessing over it a bit too much we'll just carry on as we are

@Bobbiepin yeah of course we are happy to go out and have a glass and stop at that but if we are out with friends we're likely to have a couple equating to binge drinking which I think is more than 4 glasses?

I'm actually quite shocked that @Graphista thinks my partner will be a shit dad because he wants to let his hair down and drunk once a month when I'm not even pregnant?

Do you guys just not go to the pub anymore?
For me I'd be happy to stay at home to look after the children if he wants to do that on occasion and I know he'd be the same vice versa

Drink till it's pink.

Life is too short and pregnancy too long to live like you're pregnant when you're not.

FWIW it took me 2.5 years to get pregnant with DS. I had months where I didn't drink, was convinced I was pregnant at 2 dpo... the works

The month I did get pregnant. Half way through the TWW I hosted a Eurovision party. Got roaring drunk. Had an awesome time. DS is 4 now and perfectly fine.

@Elsbeth1 I'm sorry but I agree with @Graphista. When it comes to wanting to start a family, you need to realise what's more important. A drink or a child?

We're not saying your partner will be a shit dad, no one has said that but the point that is being made is that your partner will need to prioritise and if your partner prioritises a good drink over his child, then I'd be asking questions...

I drink when I'm on my period and then maybe one or two in my fertile week. I don't drink during the TWW. Dh doesn't really drink and we'd both be fine going t-total. Long term TTC is mentally and emotionally exhausting, I treat myself (consolation prize style) with a bottle when AF arrives.

Do you guys just not go to the pub anymore?
We've never done this. But we both work/ed in nightclubs for years so staying in was our going out. We'd be more likely to get a bottle of prosecco for with a meal at home.

@Elsbeth1
1-2 bottles wine on a weekend and my husband has about 10 cans over the weekend. I dont have any alcohol after 5 dpo until Af. We are currently ttc #3 and its taking longer because we are older but we will get there ! What do you consider as a binge drinking session?

Bloody hell, this is the conception board, not AIBU! Sorry you've had some holier than thou responses OP - I think that what you're describing is very normal for pre-family couples and you and your partner have both shown that you're prepared to make changes by cutting down drinking to social events only. I can totally see how your partner would be disgruntled to think that he wasn't allowed to drink at all - and I think suggesting this raises doubts over his ability to be a good dad is totally out of line! I think probably the answer here might be everything in moderation - yes, heavy drinking regularly might not be the best for ttc, but if you don't have any fertility issues a couple of sessions a month is unlikely to make much of a difference. I drank in moderation through ttc, as did my partner, we got hammered the night before I got my bfp and my girl is ridiculously bright (and I was 34, so not a spring chicken either).

@Noodella18

Bloody hell, this is the conception board, not AIBU! Sorry you've had some holier than thou responses OP - I think that what you're describing is very normal for pre-family couples and you and your partner have both shown that you're prepared to make changes by cutting down drinking to social events only. I can totally see how your partner would be disgruntled to think that he wasn't allowed to drink at all - and I think suggesting this raises doubts over his ability to be a good dad is totally out of line! I think probably the answer here might be everything in moderation - yes, heavy drinking regularly might not be the best for ttc, but if you don't have any fertility issues a couple of sessions a month is unlikely to make much of a difference. I drank in moderation through ttc, as did my partner, we got hammered the night before I got my bfp and my girl is ridiculously bright (and I was 34, so not a spring chicken either).

Pulled the words right out of my mouth

We didn’t stop anything. I may have considered it if it was taking a long time, but I didn’t. In fact we conceived over Christmas where due to the lockdown it was just us getting pissed together. Prior to that we were carrying on as normal, wine on the weekends, drinks in the pub etc.

@Noodella18 couldn't agree more! 👏🏻

I'm the daughter, granddaughter, niece and cousin of alcoholics and other addicts.

Before I was born and indeed through my early childhood my dad "only" drank at weekends but I've learned that he mainly didn't just have one or two drinks but would get drunk.

I have a lot of experience with alcoholism and problem drinking. It doesn't start with immediately drinking loads or frequently.

As I said before it's about the relationship with alcohol, how it's viewed and treated.

Eg your own attitude - going to the pub doesn't mean you HAVE to get drunk or even drink alcohol at all.

I used to be a very sociable and outgoing person, loved going to pubs and clubs (I'm currently housebound through ill health) but I was never a big drinker. I'm the type that was first on the dance floor, last off it, chatted away to new people quite happily etc but I never needed alcohol to do so.

I didn't say he'd be a shit dad, I said (truthfully) that being a parent requires much sacrifice, not getting drunk is NOT (or shouldn't be!) a great sacrifice!

Parents need to be relatively alert at all times in case of any number of parenting reasons from bad dreams to medical emergency.

I'm not saying no drinking at all I'm saying sensible, healthy levels of drinking and if I may say you seem oddly defensive at even the suggestion that you both have unhealthy and potentially problematic attitudes to alcohol.

Being a parent means making good healthy choices as much as possible right from the start.

Personally I don't agree with "drunk till it's pink" either. By the time you're getting a positive pregnancy test you could be several weeks along already, and while alcohol may not be a major factor in early loss, it can be a factor and having lost 3 myself, the 1st an unplanned pregnancy, I just felt I didn't want to take the risk and have the possibility that if something went wrong I'd be worrying that was why.

You can't control everything, but you can control this and alcohol isn't a necessity. I think there's also some evidence alcohol can affect sperm and conception too. So if this is really what you both want (a baby) seems like a no brainier to me.

It's also just good sense to be in as good shape as possible for conception and pregnancy in order to make things as easy as possible for yourself.

Thanks @Noodella18 and everyone else with reasonable comments

I think receiving the "you're insane for even thinking about having fun" replies made me realise I was being crazy and way over the top especially since we just started trying 😂

@Graphista- you’re projecting, and I’m afraid that is your issue, not the OP’s.