Is it even worth ttc at 43

[Beachlovingirl]

I have 2 children from previous marriage and 1 from from second marriage at 39.
Dh raised with me a few days ago about having another.
I’m 43 now so would be 44 when having the baby. I researched some stats on having a baby at my age and it was very negative.
Is it even worth going down this road?

Do you want another one? There’s nothing from stopping you from trying and there are women who have babies in their mid to late 40’s, but it depends on what you actually want. I’m TTC my 2nd and turned 40 last month, but I’ve been trying since 37 and I’m still on my fertility journey. You may feel like yours is done, or you may still want to grow your family. Forget about all the stats. Everyone is different.

Do you want one? Risk is relative. Statistically it's increased, but not massively. Odds are it's possible and safe. But do you want it? You haven't said much here. But I feel that you are asking because it isn't what you want. You have three children. It's OK to say that you want them to grow up and have some life for yourself after. Or not. Your life.

It's worth it if you want another baby OP. I conceived easily in my 40s as did other members of my family. It's not all gloom and doom. Just do what's right for you.

I gave birth at 43.2. Ttc again at 44. 2 and had 3 chemicals and a mmc at 8 weeks.. Gave up..
I would say ime you have a window of opportunity.. Get ttc!

Sorry for the late reply and thank you so much for all of you who posted.

@NRE20 I hope you have success very soon! I had my dd3 at 39 so you have every chance

@Moondust001 and @NRE20 you all have asked the number 1 question there : do I want to? I do get sad when I realise that I’m in the midst of doing things for the last time with my dd3 and I think this is my main motivation. Plus I do love being pregnant and being a mum. I also feel like there is a certain crossing of a line once there is a firm decision made. What if I though we were finished and then found out dh did want another (to try got a boy perhaps) but I suppose he would need to be totally honest with me. At the same time I am very aware that I will have less time with the child before I die and that plays heavily on my mind too.

@JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn how was the pregnancy and birth for you? Was it harder to do the early weeks?

@Aprilshowersandhail thanks and I think you’re right it really is now or never. I’m sorry you haven’t been successful at ttc this time. How are you feeling?

I’m 43 and ttc and know quite a few people who have conceived at the same age. There’s someone on another thread here too who is pregnant at 43.
I know we may have left it too late (I know I did, for reasons beyond my control) but I don’t think 43 is really that bad? I think the statistics are exaggerated. pregnancies happen all the time at this age- my mum from South Asia doesn’t get it at all when I say it’s harder in your 40s- she just says- but it happens all the time!
If it’s something you want, why not give it a go. No regrets. That’s what I’m doing. If it happens, that’s great, if it doesn’t I guess that’s my lot.

@Beachlovingirl, it’s a really difficult decision and one that you have to be comfortable with. It’s your body that will need to carry the baby and if you’re likely to be doing the majority of childcare, you need to weigh up the pros and cons to ensure you’re happy with your choice.

I had my 2nd at that age, though we went for amnio which was nerve-wracking. My main caveat would be the University years as you're approaching retirement will be a hit on your potential to save for retirement/enjoy the finer things in life

I got a dpuppy last year instead!! Though I can't remember youngest ds being this much hard work!!
He didn't eat wallpaper for starters!!
Good luck op..

Well Alex Jones from the one show is pregnant at 43. It's certainly possible, and apparently around this age the body can chuck out the last of the remaining good eggs before peri menopause. Definitely worth a try but be careful not to get your hopes up too high. Good luck!

[Shrug] I got told off by my GP for not using contraception at 51 as women can still get pregnant until periods stop. (I still haven't bothered). The question really is how you would feel if you stop contraception and nothing happens. Woukd you start pursuing it or would you just leave it in the lap of the Gods?

@Beachlovingirl I had my one and only in my 40s so have nothing to compare it to. I found the pregnancy no harder than the 20-somethings in the office where I worked who were pregnant at the same time. My other relatives who had babies in their 40s had no problem either.

The big backlash against older mums on MN is, in my humble opinion, usually from women who had their babies earlier and (probably quite rightly) don't want to do it again in their 40s. Personally having my 1st in my 40s was fine. I conceived easily and delivered a healthy baby. I wasn't exhausted going into having a baby as I hadn't got any other kids.

I got pregnant a couple of months before I turned 44 and now have a healthy toddler. I'd already had a baby in my 40s so it didn't seem like a scary prospect at all. I didn't know lots of women of my age having babies but I do meet them at baby classes, so it's less rare than I thought. I felt depressed to reach 43 without having got pregnant with a second, having read that it was almost impossible after 42, but with time I got there. I'm incredibly happy. I'm 45 and would have another. You'll need to really want it and throw everything at it if you want to capitalise on the window of time you've got.

I'm 22 weeks pregnant with no3 at 43. Was completely unplanned. Had my other 2 DC in my early 30s. Am finding this a lot more tiring tbh but I'm busy with work + DC. Healthwise all is fine so far but have extra appointments, growth scans etc because of my age. Whole family is v excited though - once we'd got over the shock!

I had DD2 at 44, 2 months before my 45th birthday.
No problems in pregnancy, but added complication of having her in the 1st lockdown.
She's a better sleeper than DD1 (who is 4) so I feel a lot more rested, just struggling to lose the weight this time.

We decided to have a third when I was 40.5. Having had 2 very easy conceptions, pregnancies and births previously, I was pretty blasé about the whole thing. Got pregnant after 4 months of trying but found out at 12.5 weeks that it was a MMC of twins. We tried again - chemical pregnancy - and again: MC at 8 weeks.

Absolutely broken hearted, we have decided not to try again. In so many ways, I wish we had never gone down that path and had just been grateful for the two amazing children we have.

Sorry that this sounds negative but I wish I’d understood how much more likely we were to have problems and what a devastating effect these would have on my otherwise happy life.

On the other hand, I do know several women who have had babies into their forties with no issues and who are loving being older parents.

I conceived at 43, had DD shortly before turning 44. Conception, pregnancy and birth all went smoothly. I appreciate I was lucky. But if you are keen to try, why not?

My sibling met their partner and had 2 dc in their 40s. They are tired but so are most parents with young children. The tricky part is that they have both lost a parent of their own and the remaining grandparents are older and have caring needs. So they get little help and actually have caring responsibilities at each end. It’s a shame the children won’t have grandparents that can take an active role in their lives.

But for early 40s I think as long as you both want another age shouldn’t prevent you (presuming biology allows).

@Beachlovingirl

I have 2 children from previous marriage and 1 from from second marriage at 39. Dh raised with me a few days ago about having another. I’m 43 now so would be 44 when having the baby. I researched some stats on having a baby at my age and it was very negative. Is it even worth going down this road?

Hello am TTC at 43 been trying for over a year now since having a miscarriage in March last year. I have tried everything am on prenatal vitamins, uniquinol (to increase the quality of my eggs) I also use preseed and have the clear blue digital ovulation monitor. I get 2 days peak days per month but haven't had any joy at all sadly.

What I could recommend for you is to get a fertility check. At 43 your GP will likely only assist by offering some blood tests to check if you are still ovulating. The NHS won't offer you IVF if you are over 42. I opted for a fertility check so I had my AMH levels checked in February they were 4.9 normal for 43 (but low compared with someone younger) and a fertility scan which everything seemed ok.

I paid for this at a private fertility clinic it cost around £300. I have also had a first consultation for IVF and was told by the fertility Dr that at 43 the odds of getting pregnant naturally are very low about 2.5% chance per cycle and with IVF only 5% chance. It's a pretty depressing thought. I wanted to go for IVF but sadly my husband won't entertain the idea especially at such low odds. I was told that many 43 year olds get a positive pregnancy test result but go on to miscarry.

I don't want to sound negative there does seems to be a lot of women on here who have had successful pregnancies so we might get lucky. The only thing is time is a huge factor and delaying would make your chances even less. If you have your AMH blood test this would let you know if you have a good chance at being successful or not.

Good luck and let me know if you have any success as I have very nearly given up.

@PetraRabbit

I got pregnant a couple of months before I turned 44 and now have a healthy toddler. I'd already had a baby in my 40s so it didn't seem like a scary prospect at all. I didn't know lots of women of my age having babies but I do meet them at baby classes, so it's less rare than I thought. I felt depressed to reach 43 without having got pregnant with a second, having read that it was almost impossible after 42, but with time I got there. I'm incredibly happy. I'm 45 and would have another. You'll need to really want it and throw everything at it if you want to capitalise on the window of time you've got.

I just noticed your reply do you have any tips or advice to give us older ladies trying to conceive am out of options after trying for over a year now 😭

You can try but I've been trying since I was 42 and have had two chemicals/ early miscarriages and that's it. Some people do get pregnant but I haven't.

@PetraRabbit I'd be keen to hear your top tips too please! I am 43 and have been ttc our second since 2017, not consistently but had 2 chemical mc's and 2 mc's (but still quite early, latest one 8 weeks). We would LOVE another child and I am open to any suggestions. Currently taking folic acid, ubiquinol and Vitamin D....Thank you! xx

The statistics are not exaggerated, whichever pp said. That’s not how statistics work. No one has yet mentioned that’s it’s not just about whether you’ll be able to conceive and carry a baby, the risk of conditions increases enormously. I’d love a 4th but think we’ll probably not try for one, I’d be 40 when we started ttc and the odds of conditions like downs is 1/100 at maternal age of 40 and increases from there. I don’t think we would terminate any pregnancies for something like that but it would also change our dc lives to have a sibling who needed a substantial amount of our time when we could have had both so much more time and effort for them and the income from two careers, which would also have to go if a 4th child needed significant ongoing extra support from us.

I know that’s not comfortable reading, and I haven’t ruled out trying for a 4th myself (money, career and what Dh thinks are other reasons at play!) but it’s a significant consideration for us and I’d hate anyone to feel like they wish they’d known this if it became their reality- not talking about it doesn’t change the statistics.

@timeisnotaline I think you should have read the room there...

Thanks for letting us know you won't be trying for a fourth!