Advice for staying calm (pregnancy after loss)

[TTC94]

Hi all,

I would really appreciate it if anyone could share some positivity or their own experiences regarding pregnancy after loss?

I’m only 4 weeks 2 days.

Previously had an early loss at 4 weeks 4 days (in February). We have been TTC 13 months. I’ve found the process of ‘trying’ really emotionally painful and draining, especially when surrounded by other pregnancy announcements and babies being born etc.

My pregnancy test lines have been much stronger this time and I got my BFP sooner than I did last time (so I’m trying to convince myself the signs are good). I am trying to be positive and only think positive thoughts, but it’s difficult as I have so much anxiety which just wants to escape!

My job is also pretty stressful too, which doesn’t help. I’m paranoid work stress will make me miscarry.

I haven’t been referred to maternity services yet, I need to fill out the form. But I’m planning on having an early scan at 7 weeks (just for some reassurance, although I of course do know that you can have an early scan and then have no heartbeat at 12 weeks).

Once I’ve reached the 12 week mark, I know I’ll feel much better. I’ve told my husband and my mum and that’s it.

Does anyone have any positive stories of a successful pregnancy after an early loss? Or just any advice generally?

The wait until 12 weeks is going to feel unbearable. Each day is already going so slow!

Thanks ladies xx

Hey @TTC94

Unfortunately I don't have a positive story (although I hope to soon) but I wanted to respond as I am also 4 weeks 2 days pregnant. Had a tiny squinter on Friday 16th, confirmed on Tuesday 20th with a clear BFP at 14 DPO.

I have also had a previous losses - a MMC at 9 weeks last May and an early MC at 6 weeks last November so I feel exactly how you feel.

It has been an up and down few days for us, feeling positive and then the fear comes back. We have had private miscarriage tests done so I have decided to have my HCG levels checked - first draw yesterday at 15 DPO and am due to have another tomorrow. Although this is a lot more expensive than a HPT!

If you really want reassurance, there are other private clinics that can check your hormone levels for you and do a comparison 48 hours after to see if they have doubled.

My only advice to you, and this is something I am trying to tell myself - is just take each day as it comes. I am hopeful, as I have learnt that being hopeful helps me be strong as it is a stressful thing to go through! I have told a few people because that helps me, but each to their own.

Likewise, my job is stressful - started a promotion at work only 5 weeks ago so I feel your pain. I am trying to use work as a distraction, so that may help you! I don't think the stress will make you miscarry, but worrying about it all won't do you any good.

I haven't referred myself to the NHS yet but will do after my final blood test draw tomorrow.

In terms of early scans, for me unfortunately they don't reassure me but I am someone who would rather know if something is wrong sooner rather than later.

Hang on in there, your stronger than you think xx

I had 2 losses before getting pregnant with ds, both before 6 weeks. It is a horrible time until you get to 12 weeks, constantly worrying that it will happen again, terrified that every time you go to the toilet you may be bleeding & every ache & pain may mean it is happening again. My only advice is take it one day at a time, once I started with morning sickness at around 6 weeks I began to feel more hopefull & after seeing him on the 12 week scan my worries reduced more. Don't be afraid to do anything, if it is going to happen you will not have caused it, keep yourself busy, I know it is hard to not want to be planning & looking forward, the next 8 weeks will soon pass & after every week you will relax a little more. Don't be afraid to come & talk about your worries, there will always be someone you can talk to.

@J785948

Thank you for your response and for reaching out.

I am sorry to hear about your losses and sorry to hear you are feeling as uncertain as I am!

Is your estimated due date the 28th December?

I would love to have someone to talk to so hope we can support one another!

I hadn’t thought about getting some reassurance privately via a blood test. I too am like you, I’d rather know sooner rather than later if something is wrong - I’d rather just pull the plaster off than wait in hope for weeks and then be heartbroken.

Sending positivity to you! Xx

@Nat6999 sorry to hear about your losses. But I am happy to see that you have had a healthy pregnancy too.

Thanks for sharing your experience. I can’t even begin to imagine how elated I’ll be to teach that 12 week mark (hopefully safely).

I am trying to be positive and to just focus on that I am pregnant today and that today everything seems healthy and fine. But it’s so hard.

Thank you so much for offering your support. I truly appreciate it xx

I have a horrible history of loss that I won't share now but the number one thing that kept me going was being pregnant with a child was my only time to be pregnant with that child.
I didn't want to spend the time, however long or short it maybe, worrying about the worst that could happen I wanted to spend that time loving them not living in fear because if I was going to lose them there was nothing I could do, but I could do something about my time.with them.
Sorry if that doesn't make sense, it's so hard but good luck

@Waveifyouknowme I’m sorry to hear of your losses. Sending love to you.

I like the thought of thinking that if the pregnancy will only last a limited time, then I want to be happy and stress free whilst it lasts.

Thank you for sharing your way of dealing with things xxx

The sad fact is that many pregnancies are lost at an early stage. I think that I've approached both my pregnancies with a feeling that I can't count my chickens until the baby is actually born alive and in my arms. People fixate on the first 12 weeks (reasonably) as this is the most dangerous stage, but actually you can lose your baby later too. And then it is born and could die in infancy. Or during primary school. Or high school. You get my drift! The point is that you have to just think 'I'm pregnant now; it's more likely to turn out well than not; there's nothing I can do about it anyway; but worrying will deprive me of enjoyment of these days I am living now.' I know it's easier said than done though!

You have a 77% chance of keeping this baby (at 4weeks 2days) - that's a really good chance! Cling to the fact that the chances are good :) datayze.com/miscarriage-chart is helpful - I know nothing is totally accurate but I liked looking at this and seeing the numbers steadily getting better.

Practical suggestions for calming down are the same as whatever you do normally to chill out. Read a book? Have a bath? Keep busy to take your mind off it? Whatever works for you.

Sorry that probably wasn't very helpful.

I'm sorry for your loss and congratulations on your bfp!

My first pregnancy ended in a mc at 5wks. I went on to have a healthy pregnancy with DD who is now 4. It was an anxious time, but I did start to relax after the 12wk scan. I also had an early scan at 7wks, which was reassuring.

After my DD I went on to have 2 more early losses, but now 15wks pregnant & all is looking good so far. This time around I've limited myself to looking at my pregnancy app once a week, because counting the days just makes time feel like it's moving really slowly. And now with lockdown easing and the weather improving, it's helped to focus on making plans to do nice things. The best days are when I am so busy that I don't think about being pregnant too much.

Good luck

@FeistySheep thanks very much for sharing the statistic and website link!

And I do very much appreciate your honest but true response to how I’m feeling! I am a very practical person and I probably would define myself as more realistic than positive! But I am trying very hard to stay focused, positive and on just enjoying the feeling that I’m going to have a baby for now.

I’m definitely going to focus more on self-care so that I unwind and allow myself time to destress from work.

Thank you for your advice xx

@marplemead sorry to hear about your losses, but congratulations on your daughter and your current pregnancy. I wish you a successful and healthy remainder of the pregnancy.

This is what I need to do, let my excitement wear off and just immerse myself in my job and spending time with friends and family etc that I don’t think about being pregnant. But, I can’t deny it’s so hard!

Sending positivity to you xxx

Thank you, but please allow yourself to feel excited and imagine a future with your baby. Pregnancy loss shouldn't rob you of that, and there's no reason, at this stage, to think that it will happen again

Hey @TTC94

No problem at all. I saw a lot of how I felt in your message and at times like this it can feel lonely so good to have the option to reach out to others.

Yes, I think it probably would be my ODD, certainly around that anyway.

I agree, I would be keen to support eachother, it is surprising that we have exactly the same dates. I estimate that I ovulated on 6th April - was doing OPKs and temping so fairly certain of my dates.

I have gone crazy with the pregnancy line comparisons before so the blood tests involve much less guess work despite the agro (I have difficult veins) they are not cheap either. I should get my second result around lunchtime tomorrow - am in the office for the first time in a fair while so I am hoping that will be a good distraction.

I expect that after tomorrow we will stop the blood tests and just wait and see. It is likely that the private clinic we have been seeing will want me in for some further tests and a private scan in the coming weeks also. If things go well tomorrow I will ask about any other tests they want done as well as booking in with the NHS.

I have a blood clotting issue which was picked up with my miscarriage tests so I am unsure whether the EPU will also want to monitor me.

All of the suggestions from everyone else are great. It hope it gives you comfort that there are so many other people who have been in our situation.

There are also private FB groups from miscarriage associations which are specific for pregnancy after loss with lots of other women in the same situation so that may help you also.

Let's keep each other posted!

Xx

@marplemead thank you for your kindness xxx

@J785948 I also ovulated on the 6th April - according to my solid smiley face! It sounds like our cycles are in complete sync! How exciting!

I love the thought of a baby around Christmas time too, it’s my favourite time of year.

I tested up until 14dpo but I haven’t done a test today.

Fingers crossed you have good news tomorrow! I hope your morning in the office keeps you busy. I suppose I’m lucky in a way as I’ve been in work non stop so I don’t have much opportunity to be alone with my thoughts!

Xxx

I don't have a success story, but I had a late loss due to TFMR after the anomaly scan. My plan should I be fortunate enough to get pregnant again is to take medication and aim to practice mindfulness. I can't see any other way of managing my anxiety.

Hi all
Just wondering how it's all going for you? I'm around 9 weeks and having early scan end of this week and bricking it because of previous loss. Xx