I feel so alone

[May2021xxx]

A few months into trying now (not near 1 and not near 12) so sorry if this sounds a bit dramatic as I know people can take up to/longer than a year to get pregnant.

But I’m really struggling

I’m quite young and the majority of people my age have just finished university and starting their graduate jobs, go out partying all the time (pre covid-19) and live a wild life.

I’ve been working for a few years, have a stable relationship and a mortgage. I’m very grateful for all these things as so many people would wish for them and I am extremely lucky to have them at my age.

I have dreamt about being a mother for so long even before we started trying. I was so excited to try and so hopeful but now I just feel so depressed and low and like it’ll never happen.

My partner just says “we’ll try again next month” “it’ll happen soon” and I really want this mindset but I’m just heartbroken. I want to be a mum so much and everyday is killing me I am so depressed.

I don’t really have any friends so I’m quite lonely in general. I’m young but past the age where I’d be making friends so I’ve kind of just accepted I won’t have any. And lockdown has been hard as there’s nothing to distract me from this

I’m just posting here really as I feel so low and I have no one to talk to or turn to

Oh, OP. Unmumsnetty hugs for you.

I think you need to try and find some friends for yourself as a priority. Babies aren't a replacement for your own friends and they won't help you feel less isolated. Why not keep trying but in the meantime focus on you?

Do you have any friends at work?

@MrBond thank you. I think this may be the reason I feel even more sad when it’s negative because I’m thinking when we do have kids I’ll be less lonely. But in reality I need to prepare myself for the fact kids rely on you for a certain amount of their life, they’ll be independent and want space

Not really, I started my new job in February 2020. Those weeks in my job I was training and got to meet my team once, then have been WFH since so it’s been quite hard getting to know people and build relationships

You are never past the age to make friends. It sounds to me that your life generally is quite lonely and you are focusing everything on having children. You need friends and a support network when you have a baby.
Perhaps instead of putting all your eggs in one basket it would help to look outward. Join things, get involved and make some friends. Live your life to the full. You seem to have shut yourself down and given up on life. Have some fun. When you’re more relaxed and your life is more balanced you’ll probably find you conceive more easily. You sound stressed and miserable. A baby may compound your sense of loneliness and isolation, not alleviate it.

Oh angel sending hugs and lots of love.

It’s hard and lonely being past the age of just being able to go out and make friends, but I really do think it’s important to have a good support system around you, especially at this time. I definitely agree with the above, that you should try and make some friends while you’re TTC, whether that be through work or even finding Facebook groups in your area maybe?

Hope everything works out for you and you get your BFP very soon 💖

@May2021xxx

I really have a lot of empathy for you.

Although I have friends, I often feel a sense of loneliness and my friendship circle has certainly diminished as I’ve got older. Although I have many ‘friends’, I only have one or two that I truly trust implicitly and feel comfortable talking to anything and everything about. I’m 27 and as I’ve reached the latter part of my 20s I’ve felt a sense of loneliness or detached ness from a lot of people my age.

I do think trying an active effort to socialise may help you with your feelings of depression etc.

But, so many of us have felt this way in our TTC journey and although I can’t offer you advice or a magic cure... know that you’re not alone and so many of us feel down, depressed, jealous, sad, disappointed every month too.

Could you book a holiday for next year to look forward to? Or could you save up and do up a room in your house so that you have a little project to focus on and to invest your time in?

Sending love to you x