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Conception

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TTC after miscarriage

10 replies

Twinklewishes · 12/11/2007 10:59

I have just arrived home after a missed miscarriage at nearly 15 weeks. I feel terrible as it was unexpected.

To cut a long story short, I had a 9 week scan in a hospital and was told I miscarried, but I actually had not, after having second opinion at another hospital. Then at 12 weeks second scan went well so decided to visit family and tell them good news. After telling them, I had another scan at nearly 15 weeks, this time at my local doctors and was refered immediately that day, to the hospital, who told me that there was no heart beat. I was then booked to come in the next morning for induction at the main hospital.

They had planned for me to be induced and then be sent for an epidural, but I was lucky as unexpectedly to them I began to bleed heavily and then just as going to toilet in bed pan (sorry if too much information)I managed to loose the baby naturally. I was sent for a scan and then an emergency operation to be cleaned. It was so fast they could not wait for my husband to get back to the hospital in time to see me before theatre. All went to plan and I was discharged yesterday with very little bleeding or pain.

They have told me that I have to wait for two to three months before ttc again.

I am so scared. I worry that this will all happen again and I won't manage to go full term again. I don't want to have to keep waiting for each montly appointment to be told any bad news. To be told twice in one pregnancy (9 and 15 weeks) and one of them was a mistake is too much to go through again.

DH and I are not sure what to do, how long to wait or if to ttc again. I read that others conceive within weeks of MC and others wait months. Does anyone have any views.

Sorry for such a long message, but I had so much to say. And feeling so low does not help. I just wanted to get it out.

OP posts:
frostymorning · 12/11/2007 11:07

Sorry to hear your bad news, it's very distressing to think everything's alright, then it's not, then it is and then finally it's all gone wrong. There's no reason to wait to TTC, the old advice was to wait until a period to help with dating but scans are so good now they can date accurately from that. Lesley Regan's book is very good re chances of repeat miscarriage (usually small) and I found it quite encouraging to read her statistics regarding subsequent pregnancies.

I'm 5 weeks pregnant following a mc last spring and am a wreck because I'm cosntantly worried it's all going wrong and I don't know it. I suppose it's to be expected really.

I can't really say anything to make you feel okay but I just wanted to respond to your post. Take care of yourself.

goingfor3 · 12/11/2007 11:17

I'm really sorry to hear what happened to you. It must have been so confusing to be told different things at different appointment.
I've had two late mc's with two healthy pregnancies in between. I last mc'd in July and got pregnant the cycle after my first period. You need to do what feels right for you.

snooks · 12/11/2007 11:18

Oh you poor thing, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks this Summer and I got pregnant immediately - according to a scan at 10 weeks and one at 13 weeks I conceived 6 days after passing my pregnancy sac

Anyway, I'm now 15+4 and should feel more confident but don't - I've felt very early movements since 14 weeks (I did also with ds2) but nothing during the last few days. It is terrifying, and I can't really give you advice as such because it is a very personal decision when you want to ttc again. If we had waited 3 months to ttc then I think I would still be terrified and paranoid...The best thing to do at the very least is keep talking (on here) and to your DH - there are lots of us infortunately going through it or who have been through it.

I wish you lots of luck and hugs whatever you decide xxx

Pod1 · 12/11/2007 11:30

How awful for you. It's horrible enough to lose a baby without all the ups and downs you had to go through. My doctor told me to wait until I'd had a normal period before trying again. I lost my baby last April, and by September was pregnant again. My daughter's now 27 weeks old. I know it's different for everyone but I think you've got to consider your emotional state not just how you're feeling physically. I'm convinced I didn't conceive until I was feeling more positive about things (I was a wreck for ages). Take some time to get over what's happened, and when you and your husband feel ready to try again, go for it. My husband was hesitant about trying again too soon because he was terrified of us having to go through it all again. Talk to each other lots and look after yourself (chocolate helps too ).

p2b · 12/11/2007 20:59

Hi

I just wanted to say how very sorry I am to hear what has happened. There are no words - no words. What you are feeling echos what it was like for me 2 months ago when I too had a MMC, found at 20 week scan. You need to give yourself time to process that has happened to you and to feel sad, angry, bitter etc...It sounds like a cliche but I can tell you honestly that it does get easier. It doesn't go away but the pain does get less intense. My DH and I also weren't sure what to do regarding ttc but just felt that if we didn't we were just wasting time somehow. My DH are going to the hospital for our consultant follow up appointment to get autopsy and blood test results tomorrow morning. Were you offered anything like this? Obviously we don't know what the consultant is going to tell us but in a strange way I am looking forward to hearing it. Hopefully it will offer some closure and (letting you into a secret - I am now 5 weeks pregnant). Obviously I am anxious (understatement)and will no doubt think it was too soon if anything goes wrong again but I feel fairly confident that having waited wouldn't have made another pregnancy any less daunting. We have to believe the stats which tell us that a mid term loss is rare (less than 1%) and the liklihood is that everything next time will be well. Thinking of you...
p2b

skibump · 12/11/2007 22:26

Hi Twinklewishes. I m/c naturally in May at 7 wks (so not sure if it's relevant...but) the doctor initially said I should wait for my next period before ttc, but when I asked why she really couldn't answer - and said it was probably just old-fashioned advice to get a fix on dates. I think you have to give yourself time to get over what's happened, but you should do what feels right for you(r family)
Sorry for what you've been thro, it must have been awful. Thinking of you

Twinklewishes · 13/11/2007 09:49

Thankyou everyone for your messages of support. I feel like the balloon left after a party that is waiting to pop.

It is all starting to happen now. My husband has started making terrible comments about it all and I can not cope.

According to him, I did not need any flowers as my mother had sent some already. And he amazed everyone when he thought that buying be a bag of donuts (as they were the cheapest thing in the supermarket(his words)) were suficient. Eventhough he was told I would be on a drip for three days and could not eat. It just could not get any worse. And since then he has told me that he has paid out enough as he works and I don't (can't, as I look after my other children).

I am just feeling very low and wanted to get things off my chest. I always thought that he was a caring person eventhough he always gets it wrong, but this time he said some things that he can not take back this time.

I am now back on tablets for the depression. How things can change within a week. I am numb and just want to cry all the time, but he makes me feel that I do not deserve to be upset. As for trying again, this seems like a bad joke now.

OP posts:
LittleSquirt · 13/11/2007 16:30

Oh Twinklewishes, I am so sorry you are going through all this. Life is so unfair sometimes.

I had a MMC in July and that was bad enough but what you are going through is worse.

I just want to say that things will get better, even if it doesn't feel like they will at the moment.

Do you have family around you for support?

Sending you big hugs xxxx

Twinklewishes · 14/11/2007 08:15

Things seem a little clearer today. Although today I have now started with a low abdominal pain, especially when I sit down and I am now worried about that. I am going to see my G.P. later if it does not improve.

I have read that so many of people have managed to conceive during their next proper cycle, so there is much hope for others like me. Saying that, I am unsure of how I feel about my husband at the moment. I am so desparate for another dc, but think that I am in the wrong relationship. I did tell him how is comments made me feel and he did say "sorry, I did not think" but is still making me feel really bad and guilty. I don't expect flowers or anything, but I would like to think that he would have tried to make amends. I am probably being unreasonable, I know, he has lost a baby too, but surely he should not be like this with me. Many have said that this is probably his way of dealing with it, but I wish that it was not taken out on me. I am really not liking him very much at all. I am feeling very unloved when I need it the most. I just wish he would show me a little affection or show me he cares.

Sorry again for moaning. Writing it down just takes the edge off my sadness.

OP posts:
kitty763 · 27/06/2020 21:03

Can I ask if ye have ever gotten over your pain. I. Understand this thread is very old but I want to know if people managed to ttc successfully after a mmc. I am gutted to ah e gone through this and need some encouragement while ttc to have my first baby. I am feeling so hopeless

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