Can’t stop thinking about MMC

[MJ2901]

I’m not even sure why I’m posting I guess it’s just to offload a bit and see if anyone else has ever felt the same. I had a MMC back in December/January and I felt as though I had dealt with it but recently I can’t stop thinking about how far along I should have been and that I’d be more than half way through a pregnancy. My period didn’t come back until 6 weeks after the D&C in January and then my next period was 5 weeks later so my cycle is still a bit all over the place so I reckon we’ve be dtd at the wrong times the past 2 cycles. Started to use Clearblue digital ovulation kit this month and I’ve ovulated at some point this weekend so we dtd accordingly; days leading up to the weekend and on static days, but I don’t even have a good feeling about that for some resson! I had a natural miscarriage before DD and got pregnant with her straight away so I think I’m taking bad that this time around it hasn’t been the same. As I said I don’t even know why I’m posting so thank you for reading xx

Hi @MJ2901 .. I completely understand where you are coming from, i am too going through the same motions. I had a mmc last month, tried medical management which didn't work and had a d&c last Friday. Have a faint positive still this morning so waiting for my body to get back to normal, we are so eager to try again, the wait is mentally draining. Also it feels like everyone else around me is announcing their pregnant. I just keep thinking why is it not me anymore
I know it's hard but i just keep thinking there is light at the end of the tunnel, things will get better and it will happen for you. I wish you all the best of luck, hopefully you will get your bfp very soon

So sorry to hear your story. I totally get it and although I don't have much to offer in terms of helpful advice, I've been there and am mostly still sane.
I had a MC in April last year, not quite a MMC, I started bleeding right before my 12 week scan.
Everything passed naturally and my period came back after 5 weeks.
We've been trying ever since, and I think my on-and-off obsession is one of the things stopping us.
I go through phases of thinking 'it'll happen when it happens', and then 'I need to do everything I can to make this happen', and it drives me mad.
It was surprisingly a weight off when we passed the original due date as I was so determined to be pregnant again by then.
I hope I'll get my rainbow baby soon, but for now I'm trying to focus on getting as fit and healthy as I can, and trying to not obsess, as much as is possible anyway.
I hope you find a way to move past it and focus on the positives.

@pickle2020 I’m so so sorry for your loss, your emotions must still be raw at the moment. Your situation sounds identical to mine I too had medical management to begin with which didn’t work then went onto have the D&C. It feels as though a traumatic experience is just drawn out longer doesn’t it? I really hope you are ok and my advice would be to let yourself feel all of your emotions and don’t be hard on yourself. I think the mistake I made was brushing myself off too quickly and telling myself I’m fine which I thought I was but it’s kind of crept up on me recently. I agree all I seem to see or hear about is other pregnancy or birth announcements and can’t help feel jealous then feel an enormous amount of guilt. I suppose the positive to take is that we can conceive and it’s hopefully just a matter of time before it happens again.

@nizo1245 I’m so so sorry for your loss. You have it in your head you need to get to that 12 week milestone don’t you so that must have been heartbreaking. I go through the exact same emotions of being “laid back” then obsess over it. I think what makes it more difficult is the thought of what could of been isn’t it? This is definitely a good forum to offload and to also hear stories from other women who have experienced similar scenarios and actually feel the same as you do. I wish you all the very best for the future. As I just said it’s a positive that you did manage to conceive and hopefully it will happen again soon for you. A friend of mine suffered from numerous consecutive miscarriages, some early on, some closer to the 12 week mark and she’s just had her 3rd healthy baby. So there are positive outcomes out there xxx

@MJ2901 thank you. I am so sorry for what you are going through too and I hope your are ok, or at least getting close to being ok

@pickle2020 it is such a heartbreaking thing to go through especially because, if you were the same as me, there was nothing to suggest anything was wrong so it’s a shock when you find out all isn’t what it seems! It’s a rollercoaster of emotions for sure! I know exactly how you feel about wishing the weeks away. I did the same and still do to an extent. I’ve tried to stop doing that now and try to plan things to do and try to keep as busy as I can. I meant to say in my last response to you it took just over 2 weeks for me to get a negative test so hang in there. There was a point where I started to feel nauseous again in the week or so before I got my first period but knew I wasn’t pregnant so felt like my body was playing tricks on me all over again. Just a heads up really that you’ll probably feel all over the place physically and mentally for the next few weeks I think it’s just all of the hormones regulating but please go easy on yourself too during this time and take the time to heal both physically and mentally. Xx

@MJ2901 yes mine was exactly the same as you! I still had morning sickness, sore boobs etc so had no idea. I remember thinking that having these symptoms must be a good sign that’s things are going well. I had no idea what a MMC even was or that it was even possible, it was only at the scan we were told the awful news.
That’s really good your trying to keep busy and planning things to do, it helps the days go by without counting them down so to speak. I really hope it’s helping you. I’m dreading seeing all my friends and trying to put on a brave face, as only a couple of them know and I don’t want to burden them with it all.
Was that 2 weeks after the surgery that it showed up negative? And then another 4 weeks after that did you say for af to show up?
Oh gosh, thank you for the heads up. I’m so sorry that happened to you, it’s awful what our body’s can put us through. The physical process is hard enough but it’s the mental side which is the biggest struggle, which I also feel no one really talks about. So it’s really good to be able to talk about it with others who have sadly experienced it too.

@pickle2020 yes I kept it to myself as well and only told a handful of close family and friends. Mines happened just before Christmas, we booked privately what we thought would be a 9 week scan to see if all was ok so we could tell our parents as a surprise for Christmas but obviously the news wasn’t what he had hoped. I had opted for a D&C from the outset but due to the festive season and a COVID outbreak they couldn’t book me in for a D&C straight away so I had the medical management in the hope it would work and I wouldn’t need the D&C but I did need it after all. In a way I’m glad I found out earlier and I’m so sorry you had to find out when you did, the first scan should be a wonderful exciting time. So I had the medical management on 31 Dec, nothing happened but started to bleed on 07 Jan which was the day of the D&C, but the midwife said it would be best to just go ahead with it as id been waiting long enough for it to be all over with and it could still take a while to miscarry naturally. I had minimal bleeding after that. I then got a negative test on or around 20 Jan and my period arrived on 15 Feb. I hadn’t anticipated that it would take perhaps a cycle length to get my next period after the negative test. But everyone is different. Again it’s just a waiting game and you wish the weeks away. My first period was a sigh of relief though as it felt like my body was getting back on track. It’s such a difficult thing to speak about to folk isn’t it but I think it’s fear of making other people uncomfortable, well it’s certainly how I’ve felt when it shouldn’t be the case at all! I watched a really good programme that was on channel 5 about miscarriage and women, some of whom were famous, spoke about their experiences of miscarriage. I don’t know if things may still be too raw for you at the moment but I would recommend it when you feel up to it. It’s not all doom and gloom I found it quite inspiring and again like this platform it was good to see hear from others who have felt the same emotions you’ve felt. You will get through this, time as they say is a great healer. Xx

Hey everyone so sorry for all your losses. It's so hard isn't it. I fell pg in January. Healthy scan at 7 weeks with heartbeat, I had Hg so horrendously sick and on meds (which didn't work) then at 9+4 had a second private scan and discovered mmc (this was start of March). I had the surgical management. About 12 days of bleeding and nearly 3 weeks to get negative test then I got my period back on cd27. So I've just had my first fertile week and currently 1dpo again. Tonight I just feel horrendous all over again (hence Mumsnet at 2am) I'm in the spare room and just crying my eyes out. It feels so unfair, you had planned everything out, knew all the dates in your head that were significant, knew how many weeks you'd be at all the upcoming events. I know I sound really whiney tonight but i should be 16weeks and thinking about gender scan not 1dpo - I just don't know if I can go through all this again. But I know it's the only way to have a chance at getting what I desperately want 🙁 baby dust to you all ✨✨

I'm almost exactly the same. MMC in December, d&C right after. Wonky cycles since but have tracked ovulation for each one. Still don't seem to be catching and it's depressing me.

I've had a few miscarriages. The first one, the baby would have been born 10/4 so every year I remember and think how old they'd be now. When the due date came my DH and I bought a helium balloon and had a cry as we let it fly from our garden.
We've got two children now, it's weird to think if that baby had survived I may not have these two now, all these years later.

Good luck, you'll have your baby soon enough

@justwant2beamum I’m so so sorry what you are going through but if it’s any consolation I know exactly how you feel and you aren’t alone in feeling the way you are! No one prepares you for the negative outcomes and it must have been a bolt out of the blue to see a heartbeat then not. I really do feel for you. The milestones and the dates are really tough because you can’t help wonder what could have been. You’ll get through this might not feel like it but you will. Sending lots of love and hugs x

@Rtmhwales I know how you feel it is very frustrating isn’t it! I hope it happens soon for you. I can’t even say try not to think about it too much and obsess over it when I myself am doing the exact same thing! I wish you all the luck and love in the world xx

@custardbear I’m so so sorry for your losses and that’s a lovely idea to release a balloon on that particular date. I’m so glad you got your rainbow babies but I know that little one you lost will always have a place with you too xx

@MJ2901 - yes always has a place in my heart - even now, 14 years on, I'm marking the day still - I always think of that baby as 'she' albeit I haven't named her and it was too early to tell if the baby was male or female.
Good luck with your journey - I hope it's smooth here on in

@MJ2901 - oh my i am so sorry that happened over Christmas as well. I personally think d&c is the best option in this scenario, i really wish i opted for it first. I am glad you didn't have to wait too long to get it tho and that they were able to proceed with it. I did medical on 13/03 but 3 weeks later i was still positive and a scan showed retained tissue, after having the d&c Friday i only had a small amount of bleeding which stopped Monday, so i am counting Friday as day 1 of a new cycle. I know it will be all over the place but hoping to get the negative in the next week, as it is super faint now so i am hoping it wont be too much longer. Then I can start ovulation testing, did you do any testing before af arrived? I am keen to to start again so don't want to "miss" it, if you know what i mean. My cycles are usually around 28 days and i use to ovulate around day 19, but i know this one won't be the norm.

@justwant2beamum I am so sorry you have gone through this too. I am glad you didn't have to wait too long for af to arrive back for you tho, i guess that was a sign of relief that you can try again. Oh i am so sorry you are feeling like that, you are honestly not alone, it's completely natural. I cry all the time. You can't let it deter you, i know its a horrible situation and when you fall again the anxiety will be through the roof with worry. But we can do this and it will happen, i wish you the best of luck with your cycle, please keep us updated.

@Rtmhwales I am so sorry you are feeling like that, it totally sucks i know. We just have to try and stay positive, a lot easier said then done i know. Our time will come

Hi OP
Came across your thread and can totally relate. I had a MMC with my first pregnancy in September/October last year. It just felt so cruel as everything seemed fine until they couldn't hear a heartbeat or really see baby at the 12 week scan. I would've been due this month.
I'm now nearly 9 weeks pregnant. Had an early scan last week and everything was fine. Measuring as expected and heartbeat was there. However, I'm still terrified of having another MMC.

I think the other cruel thing with us is that the MMC was our first pregnancy, which means that it's tainted this and future pregnancies with the fear of it happening again. I keep telling myself that it's more likely that everything will be fine than not, but that was also true last time.

Just trying to take things a day at a time to avoid going crazy and getting too down. Having an early scan picture helps as we never got to see our baby last time. Also very busy with work which helps too.

Thanks everyone you're all so lovely on here, it's so shit how many of us have similar experiences.

Totally agree @KeepSmiling89 was first pregnancy for me too. Now I feel I'll never get a blissful happy pregnancy. I know a few people who have mc'd but they were all 2nd pregnancies so I feel like they knew they could carry a healthy baby (all went on to get pregnant in the next few cycles and all currently pregnant due June, July and sept). It's positive to hear success stories but doesnt feel the same as when it's your first and you worry will I end up with recurrent snd is something wrong with me.

Congrats on your pregnancy, you must have managed to conceive again fairly quickly, that's good and brings me a little hope! X

@justwant2beamum it was a total surprise as I didn't know when I ovulated that month but a very welcome one. I'd just accepted a new job 2 days before I got my BFP as well!

Positive stories are keeping me going just now. My DH is a rainbow baby himself as my MIL had a MC about a year before he was born. My DH's niece also had a MC last spring/summer and is due a wee girl next month.

@KeepSmiling89 aw congrats on new job! I actually interviewed in jan before I was pg, got BFP then got offered the job so turned it down. When I mc'd I emailed and asked if I could still have it 😂 so I will start new job soon too, we have carried on TTC even though it's shit for Mat pay but if I don't get BFP this cycle then it shouldn't matter and I should be in new job for mat pay. But I still really really want BFP this cycle, I don't care about the mat pay I just want my baby don't want to wait any longer 😩🤞🏻

Congratulations on the new jobs!
And huge congratulations on your pregnancy @KeepSmiling89
I think all we can do is remain positive, it’s the only thing that gets me through everything to be fair!
@justwant2beamum I know what you mean about not wanting to wait any longer, it’s so tough but our time will come.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds to me like how you are feeling is totally natural, it was really so recent. Allow yourself time to grieve. I wish you all the best for the future

@pickle2020 I didn’t track ovulation after mmc I began too but kept getting a positive but I think that was because my hormones were still over the place. I’ve only just started tracking this cycle because I had it in my head I’d just get pregnant straight away how naive!!!

@KeepSmiling89 congrats on the new job and your rainbow baby. You are so right we just have to focus on the positives don’t we!

@justwant2beamum congrats to you too on the new job hopefully it will help to keep your mind off things going forward.

I’m so glad to hear from everyone it’s definitely made me feel more positive so thank you from the bottom of my heart x

@MJ2901oh yes of course. I just assumed once the pregnancy test was negative then the hormones would also be back to normal.. I think I will still try opk’s and see how it goes but I guess it’s fair to say I might not have much luck!
I am also really naive about it all, I’ve read so much about how your meant to be more fertile after a mc. So I’ve been expecting it to just happen as soon as we start trying again, but I know realistically it may not for some time.
Fingers crossed for us all.

It’s really good to talk about it, I’m glad it’s helped you as it’s also really helped me

@pickle2020 yes keep at it I wish I’d stuck with testing and am annoyed at myself that I didn’t and essentially missed 2 cycles but again I was naive thinking I’d fall pregnant straight away again. I know it’s madness that I can even say I’m annoyed at myself after everything that happened but I think the madness takes over when you’re ttc eh 🙈

@MJ2901 sorry to hear of your loss. I understand the pain and frustration you are feeling.

I had a mmc that was discovered in mid-April 2019. I was so angry and sad, I thought I'd fall pregnant again immediately. Like you, I constantly reflected on what week I should be and had therapy in the end. I panicked that I would not be pregnant before the due date. In the end, I wasn't. I truly believe that I was putting so much stress on myself that it was never going to happen before that point. The very next month, I fell pregnant and now have a 7 month old daughter who's snuggled up to her dad in bed with us!

What I'm saying is, be kind to yourself. A mmc is truly heartbreaking and shocking. So shocking that after I'd found out, I left the country two days later on an international flight that I'd booked the day before. My advice would be just to ditch the ovulation sticks for one month and just have sex every other day. Give yourself time to heal .

@MJ2901 ahh i know exactly what you mean. You really shouldn't beat yourself up about it, none of it is your fault at all. I totally agree with @Chanel05 I think we just end up putting too much pressure on ourselves which doesn't help. We will get there

I had an MMC at 16 weeks with my twin daughters last year. We didn't start TTC again for a while as I had some complications.
It felt so cruel to get passed the 12 wk scan and then lose them.
I am now nearly 20 weeks with another little girl. I try and look at it that my baby girls are watching over their sister and looking after her. I know that sounds silly but it helps me manage their loss.
I really hope you get your rainbow baby soon