Fear of Transvaginal scans

[Zibidee]

I am gay, 39 and finally getting around to trying to conceive. I was hoping a simple turkey baster job in the bedroom but its all got much more complicated, even with the most basic fertility treatment of IUI I have just had a transvaginal ultrasound which had me panicking and crying in anticipation last night, and now I feel a bit molested, cue more hysterical tears!
The doctor was very gentle and patient and kind, no complaints at all, I am just extremely fearful of the whole thing. Never has a smear for that reason. And now I find out they want to do another one for a HyCoSy test which involves 3 insertions, and then more of them when they check to see if I'm ovulating.
Is this all necessary?
Is there an alternative?
How do I rid myself of this fear and feeling of being invaded?

To be honest no- there aren’t other options. The baby comes out of your vagina and being pregnant can require examinations etc.

Perhaps taking some time to explore your fears and if there are underlying reasons for such strong emotions around this could help?

I'm quite calm about the birth part, that's me and the baby, its the part when complete strangers stick things up my vagina that terrifies me.

It's difficult to help as it sounds quite personal about the nature of what terrifies you. I mean, rationally you could say it's the same as going to the dentist they have to look inside and thankfully there's an opening that lets them do it.

It all has a means to an end. It's a shame you've skipped smears because of this. Nothing bad will happen by what they need to do, in fact the opposite.

And they're not strangers exactly - they are medical professionals who are trained to do this. They don't get kicks out of it.

When you are pregnant you may well have to have examinations that involve inserting one of those smear things. I had to have two of them in the last two weeks. They also had a torch so they could see right up to my cervix.

They are medical professionals and preforming a medical procedure. I understand it's not the nicest but that's the reality of it.

Ahh, bless you. Go for an elective C-section then! The amount of fingers and instruments you can get inserted into you in the birth process is no joke! And then if you need stitches, that's even worse.

To answer your question, there's no other way really. Unless you have a partner who is willing to do the pregnancy bit instead?

The ! there was not intended in an aggressive way btw.

Due to previous sexual trauma this is really difficult for me too.

There’s no shame in asking what is truly necessary. Sometimes there’s a conveyor belt that patients are placed on for routine investigations, not all will be critical to your treatment. Every treatment/ assessment requires your consent. They can’t do anything without your permission. Telling myself that helps.

If I get pregnant, I will be declining vaginal examinations unless critical. Definitely won’t be consenting to periodic ones during labour.

This sounds difficult for you.

I think I was similar, I hate hate hate it. I've had so many transvaginal scans now though due to endo, scopes, polyps removal etc.

I think saying have a csection isn't really informed. I've had two csections, both have involved vaginal exams at some point. You also have to be catheterised, as well as cleaned and catheters taken out. There's also suppositories.

So whichever your birth method, you'd also have to address this issue.

There's no way around it, it sounds necessary. Deep breathes, music, ask for your partner to go with you and talk to you all the way through it. It helped me to just zone out.

Hi, I would suggest you talk this through with the people caring for you. In my labour I had no examinations at all, as my midwives knew it freaked me out and I hated it. If staff know you have a real anxiety they should support you in finding a way through, for example I have been offered to hold the probe myself for a transvaginal scan so that I am "controlling" it. Healthcare workers are much better at dealing with these sorts of issues than they once were, I hope you get an understanding response.

Op have you considered councilling? In the gentlest of way if you go for a vaginal delivery you will be treat like a cow . Sorry for the description but I was fed up if doctors. And midwifes elbow deep in me! Best of luck

The more you have generally the easier they get.

Could you maybe try some self-hypnosis, relaxation techniques? It really does make it easier if you can try to relax through the procedures - no easy task I know.

Also just count yourself down and think, this procedure is going to be over very soon.

When they check your cervix its done by hand when my waters broke early I had three students and a midwife up there pregnancy and birth is a bit of a public spectacle as far as rummaging around your cervix sadly

My advice is ask for some trauma counselling before you get pregnant

And good luck with it all

I had an ELCS and had zero vaginal exams. I had a catheter put in (and removed) but that was it. I would have declined anything else - which is totally your right.

In terms of fertility treatment, there's not really anyway to get round it. Some kind of therapy might help or something like diazepam might be the best option? We had a round of IVF and it was horrendous.

I don't know if this will help, but I had a transvaginal scan recently, and the technician asked me to insert the transducer myself, which was a relief for me. I don't know if that is standard practice but maybe you could ask. The technician obviously had to hold it during the scan.

I'm really sorry that you have this fear to deal with. I did during pregnancy and labour and really had to grit my teeth because I was keeping the baby's welfare as the priority. I've never had a smear test either for this reason. But at the conception level this will be invasive and you need all the help you can get. I wish you all the best OP

I think the Elective section depends on your experiences. I've had two electives and the following vaginal exams throughout:

1. Heavy bleeds in early pregnancy so transvaginal scans
2. Waters leaking, clamp and swab to test liquid
3. Reduced movement meant a look at my cervix at circa 35 weeks, as I was registering small contractions
4. Post section infection and huge bleed - checked internally for an infection and given antibiotics

I'm also a sexual violence survivor, but I didn't feel like I could refuse the above, for the safety of my two babies, and latterly me. Though during the section, I did ask for men to leave the room while I was catheterised, I also asked to have the lower half of my body covered.

@Zibidee

I'm quite calm about the birth part, that's me and the baby, its the part when complete strangers stick things up my vagina that terrifies me.

This happens in labour too. You need help to overcome your anxieties and to educate yourself on the reality of childbirth

Thank you to the sensitive and thoughtful among you. It is helpful knowing some of you have asked and been allowed to insert things yourself. My sister is a midwife and advocate of the least internal examinations as possible to help reduce anxiety, stress and then what ends up being caesarian. So knowing you always have the option to say no is reassuring.
Obviously the safety of the baby is paramount, but with no baby currently existing, my safety and mental health is paramount. If I get that far then yes I will agree to anything that is essential.
I did get through the scan today, I smiled, I thought of other things, made jokes, listened to music, did lots of breathing, even helped with palpitations. But now in the safety of my home, I am shaking and crying, feeling trauma that hasn't really happened.
I guess, in preparation for the next ordeal, HyCoSy, some thoughts and ideas around reducing anxiety before, and the traumatic feeling after are more than welcome.

Any suggestions to get over it, please do not respond.