"Relax and it will happen..."

[DiscoStusMoonboots]

Hi all,

I'm nearing the end of my tether with TTC. In short, I'm mid thirties, have PCOS and we have been trying now for a year with no luck. We've conceived once before three years ago, but the pregnancy wasn't brought to term.

I've been using OPKS, Natural Cycles etc but this seems to be adding to the stress of things, both for me and DP.

We're currently awaiting hospital appointments to pursue treatment, but I feel a large part of our inability to conceive is stress related!

So, please, humour me. Has anyone finally said 'sod the apps' and conceived when they're a little more carefree/little less mindful about things?

Thanks in advance!

Yes - conceived the month that I threw ovulation sticks in the bin and took a few days off work to relax. It's such an annoying piece of advice because ttc consumes you but in my experience it worked

Eesh yes. And I conceived that month.

@LTsMum1 @Chanel05 so glad a more relaxed approach worked for you both. Definitely worth a try for me, I reckon.

Totally - good friend of mine had been TTC for 5+ years without any luck and was told by consultant that she had almost zero chance of conceiving naturally and to go home, relax and think of IVF / adoption. She gave up TTC, stopped dieting, started drinking and totally relaxed. She said at the time she didn't realise how much TTC had taken over her life.

Four months later she got her first ever BFN and that baby is now 13 and their second DC is now 10.

It does happen OP, wishing you all the best

After 10 months of trying without success we decided sod it, we'll forget about it and go on two fabulous holidays this year instead. Sure enough, I conceived the very next month - and we had to cancel both exotic holidays, not that we minded.

The opposite of what you asked but I was beyond obsessive and stressed and conceived. I really don’t think stress or relaxation are the key.

I hope it’s not much longer for you.

Yes after 8 years of trying, fertility interventions, being told it was pretty much not going to happen. I said I was having a year off to concentrate on having fun and losing weight. 4 months into it I fell pregnant!!🤣 She is now 5 and her sibling was conceived first attempt 2 years later😄 I am very very lucky to have them.

Same here threw all expectations away and conceived naturally with pcos. I would recommend inositol powder though still take it now helps keep me more regular worth researching good luck op

Took us 18 months ... both times! I wonder if there was possibly something not ideal with our fertility (either with me or DH) but we never pursued any medical interventions/ tests etc. Just adding this as it may reassure you that it can take a good while ! I was early 30s .

There's no rhyme or reason when it comes to conception my DD took 5 years and a round of IVF during that time I never had even a hint of a BFP and I was at various stages relaxed or stressed depending on what else was going on in my life. I'm currently 29 weeks pregnant conceived spontaneously 18 months after my DD was born. For whatever reason my body needed help the first time and had got the hang of it the second time but I don't think stress or lack of it was a major factor either way.

Yes.. and it’s such an annoying piece of advice. For context, both my first children I was absolutely DESPERATE for. Took 11 cycles then 8 cycles to conceive them. Decided to ‘see what happened’ and got pregnant on the second cycle! I do think stress makes things worse but I do know it’s so hard not to think about it when you want so much!

Yes conceived the month i couldn't be bothered doing opks and also it was the month I rapidly resided my caffeine intake so not sure which it was. Im mid thirties too and we were struggling to conceive dd2, had a few chemicals, a Mc etc. It can happen but I understand your frustration xx

Yes we conceived the month I wasn't tracking anything as we were going on holiday a few weeks later so had agreed to 'leave it' that month. Xxx

Yes, I've heard of so many women conceiving after they've had a child through ivf or have adopted etc.

Yup, twice. Both times had got a bit drunk and forgotten about the whole thing. The second time was 18 months in and just about to start investigations.

It is true that it does often happen when you stop stressing and trying. I hope that is the case for you. Give up your efforts, keep healthy and enjoy your life as it is. You could otherwise waste valuable years in fretting.

(Two people with pcos are Victoria Beckham and Jules Oliver. Who'd have guessed it?)

Good luck.

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories with me. I've now shoved the OPKs to the back of the bathroom cabinet and am having until early August off (we're supposed to be getting married then, guidelines permitting). If I have good news at any point, you can be sure I'll be back to update this feed!

After our second loss I threw the OPKs away and stopped tracking I really just wanted to spend some enjoyable time with my partner rather than being on a schedule second month of no tracking I got my BFP I'm now 33 weeks. Good luck to you

I never actively TTC (apart from the obvious!). My friends gave me their fertility books & spare supplies of pee sticks etc... But I’m not an organized person. I know it would have caused me stress!
I conceived after a holiday. And I was in the last chance saloon (age 43) so it was a happy shock. The change for me was not waiting for ov, but getting in a week before that. I’d finally figured out my cycle!

I don't think "relax" is always good advice. It works for some couples but others need help. However, I think if you're pursuing investigations it's worth ditching the apps for the time being. One thing at a time is a lot less stressful.

I fell pregnant after 3 years of TTC, during which we’ve had plenty of holidays and I thought I was ‘relaxed’ enough. Last year we did an ivf transfer which was successful but unfortunately ended up in a missed miscarriage at almost 12 weeks last October. I was pretty desperate to try again but given the Covid situation, we knew we had to wait a few months before we were allowed to travel again, so I was hoping that by we could do another transfer by summer 2021. I spent the Christmas holidays eating, drinking and lounging on the sofa binge watching tv series. We were not active during the fertile window ( and I was very very frustrated about it!!) so when I started feeling symptoms on the day my period in January was due and got a positive test, we were quite in disbelief! I’m 16 weeks pregnant now and I’m still scared to say it out loud because part of me is still in disbelief and scared that something will happen to this miracle baby

I think it’s very very difficult to relax and not think about it when it’s the thing you want the most. Perhaps a better state of mind would be to do your best but let go and accept that it will happen when it’s meant to happen.

Eventually, after 7 years we gave up, decided it wasn't going to happen and we'd get on with living a different life. Spent the money we'd saved so I could have a long maternity leave on a holiday and came back pregnant!

@KittyFoster

I fell pregnant after 3 years of TTC, during which we’ve had plenty of holidays and I thought I was ‘relaxed’ enough. Last year we did an ivf transfer which was successful but unfortunately ended up in a missed miscarriage at almost 12 weeks last October. I was pretty desperate to try again but given the Covid situation, we knew we had to wait a few months before we were allowed to travel again, so I was hoping that by we could do another transfer by summer 2021. I spent the Christmas holidays eating, drinking and lounging on the sofa binge watching tv series. We were not active during the fertile window ( and I was very very frustrated about it!!) so when I started feeling symptoms on the day my period in January was due and got a positive test, we were quite in disbelief! I’m 16 weeks pregnant now and I’m still scared to say it out loud because part of me is still in disbelief and scared that something will happen to this miracle baby

I think it’s very very difficult to relax and not think about it when it’s the thing you want the most. Perhaps a better state of mind would be to do your best but let go and accept that it will happen when it’s meant to happen.

HUGE congrats @KittyFoster and @May2021Mummy ! I'm so pleased for you.

I have PCOS and a rare genetic condition which means I have to have genetic testing at 11 weeks and there's a 50/50 I wouldn't be able to proceed with the pregnancy as the baby wouldn't survive!
First time due to PCOS I'd not had a period for 6 months so we decided to go down the route of PGD as the NHS would fund 3 cycles (ivf but with genetic testing) so we were told to use contraception while we waited for an appt so we did! Somehow I got pregnant by accident before our appt we'd stopped trying. 2nd was by accident while I was in holiday after trying for 5 months after my DD1 (this 2nd pregnancy ended at 13 weeks tho) 3rd time 5 months TTC the month I didn't get a positive OPK I got pregnant (this also ended at 13 weeks) 4th time 1st month of trying (though had not been using contraception for 4 months before but rarely DTD) and again no positive OPK so I'd written that month off and have now had my DD2- moral of the story PCOS doesn't always stop you falling pregnant and it may happen when you least expect it!