TTC ruining my marriage

[TTC94]

Hi all,

I just need to vent and cry in an Internet forum friendly way.

My husband and I have been TTC since March 20. We had one miscarriage in February. However, the pressure and stress of the whole journey has resulted (in recent months) in my husband initially struggling to ejaculate, and then struggling to maintain an erection during sex and now he’s got to a point where he can’t get an erection for sex at all. I’ve tried turning off the heat by stopping tracking ovulation, stopping talking about TTC, basically throwing everything out and freeing my mind and his mind up of all TTC related thoughts. But now, even when I instigate sex, regardless of the time of month, it just physically can’t happen.

Not only are we not having sex when I can get pregnant, but basically not having sex at all.

It’s destroying our relationship and tensions are so high. I see no way out and I don’t know what to do.

I personally feel so sad. I feel like my life is a black hole at the minute and I can’t obtain happiness from anywhere or anything. With a lack of physical intimacy, combined with everyone around me getting pregnant, combined with a stressful job - I feel so alone and low.

Has anyone been in a similar position? What are my options? I’ve thought about sex therapy or a psychologist to help my husband? But I have no idea how long this process would take and consequently what the bill for this would add up to? I’ve looked and it seems really expensive.

I’m sorry if this post causes offence or upsets anyone, I see sometimes people attacking the original poster on a forum for being selfish or insensitive or sometimes dramatic etc. It’s not my intention and I don’t want to cause any offence.

I have one friend I can talk to about this but as she isn’t married, isn’t in a relationship and already has a child which wasn’t planned (and she never wanted children), she struggles on what advice to give me.

Basically, I need a dash of hope or a miracle 😞

Thanks in advance x

Hi! Just wanted to say that you'll be far from the only one with this problem and that although it feels like a black hole - this too shall pass. I would recommend counselling - ideally he'd need individual therapy but if cost is a problem then signing up to Relate for couples counselling could be an option as that is means based and the cheapest sessions are £20 I think? I imagine he'd be too self conscious to tell his GP about this but otherwise they could refer him on the NHS also - however the waiting list is probably a tad long.

Is he able to do his business on his own if you know what I mean? As in the meantime for TTC purposes he could be doing it himself at his own pace/leisure but finish into a cup. All you need is a needle-less syringe and a ferti-lily cup and you can TTC that way. Plenty of couples do it - whether that's lesbian couples, couples with OHs that are on meds that make BD difficult, people with performance anxiety or even couples where they just can't always be bothered to BD on demand for FW.

@Juno231 Thank you for taking the time to respond to my thread. I really appreciate it.

I have been considering self insemination but I’ve never used a ferti-Lilly cup and it looks unpleasant. I haven’t even used tampons so that is putting me off a little bit at the minute, but it’s a fear I’m going to have to get over it seems. I think I’m out for this month now as I think my fertile window has now passed. It’s something I need to look into more for next month.

I’m going to look into finding a therapist/counsellor today I think. If it would definitely work, I’d find the money. But I’m just sceptical and am wondering how long it would take...

Thank you for offering some support and optimism for me, it truly is appreciated.

Xx