Thanks Neleh, I hope things are going well.
As a general update, in case it helps anyone else in the same boat:
Wed 31st March. 12 week scan, told foetus only 7-8 weeks with no heartbeat. Given info by lovely staff and sent home to decide what to do. Decided to go natural (but started taking dong quai supplements to try to encourage womb to contract).
Mon 5th April: had some blood and pain. Mostly just brown discharge when going to loo. This continued for the week, some days very light.
Sun 11th April: floodgates. Blood, so much blood for about 20 minutes on loo. Thought I had passed foetus but I now think it was blood clots (livery consistency). Felt fine after but exhausted, tearful and shaky that night and next day.
Tue 13th April 2am: woke with terrible pain. Went to bathroom. If Sunday was floodgates opening, this was a Tsunami. Think The Shining. Felt various large clots pass. One took a long time, was the size of two fingers, I caught it and put it on a towel. It was the pregnancy sac and I could just make out the foetus, looking like a butter bean with little bumps. More blood. Nearly fainted several times, had to keep lying on floor. Alternated this with crawling into shower and washing blood off - nice for pain too. At some point passed the placenta, which took me by surprise. It looked like a small human heart or a lamb shank. A little smaller than my fist, quite solid. I hadn't expected it. The severe cramps must have been me dilating enoughto pass it. Cue more fainting, at one point forgetting who I was or where I was. Thankfully I came round quickly. Try to turn off the water if that happens to you.
At 6am I couldnt stand, and knew I needed help. I put the placenta on a flannel with the foetus, took photos to look at/check when I wad more with it (this sounds weird but has helped me) and called my husband in. He was mortified he had slept through it so far but I was glad he had. I hadn't needed his help until then and I didn't want company before. He buried the foetus and placenta in the garden, cleaned up the bathroom, got me into bed with tea and toast. (Like all good chefs, I had cleaned up as I went along, but I'd had to give up around 6am). I was relieved and drained and glad to get to bed.
I've been off work this week (manager and colleagues have been lovely about it), and DH and my DM who lives with us have both been gems. We've all cried plenty, my DH is grieving too but also feels sorry that I'm physically ill whereas he is not, but you can't argue with nature. I'm knackered and mostly stay in bed, still bleeding and having some cramps. Emotions are up and down, and I just want to get strong and healthy and try again, although I'm scared it would happen again. I would consider my options carefully if I had another miscarriage, but don't know what I'd choose to do.
It's different for every woman, and I didn't really know what to do or expect when we got the terrible news at that scan. I want to thank you all for your advice, support, and experiences. I know this post is very long and detailed but I hope it will
help someone else in my position in future. Onwards and upwards x