Missed miscarriage, mature parents & fertility options

[GJJ82]

Hi, I was meant to have my 12 week scan in a few days but a private scan last night showed the foetus had died at 7 weeks but I have been carrying it for 4 weeks. I am 39 and my partner is 55. We are both fit and healthy for our ages. We are both devastated. Sadly, for certain reasons our relationship is unlikely to continue but we both want a child but I have no idea how we can do this?
The NHS won't investigate unless I have 3 miscarriages. I'm not sure whether IVF is an option with our situation.....I'm even considering suggesting at home artificial insemination or is that crazy if it even works......I feel my situation now is a bit bizarre but can anyone relate or provide some advice on my next steps?

I'm sorry for your loss, it must have been heartbreaking for you.
I am similar in age to you, I'm 39 and my husband is 58! Have you spoken to your GP? I thought once you got past a certain age they might help?
My view is that no matter what your situation is, if you want baby you would do anything to make it happen so do whatever you need to do xx

Hi OP - so sorry to hear you've had such horrible news. When you say at home insemination, do you mean using your partner's sperm? If you're considering donor sperm, it's complicated to do this at home with an anonymous donor. I'm sure there'll be lots of posters who can help with home insemination using your partner's sperm. NHS funded IVF can be difficult and many CCGs have age 40 as a cut off point, so the race to start treatment would be on. It might be worth speaking to your GP. Private IVF is an option, but there are huge costs involved.

So sorry for your loss OP. Devastating though it is, miscarriage is sadly common, especially as we get older, and doesn’t necessarily mean there’s an underlying problem. How long have you been ttc? You could ask your GP for tests or go private? I think a fertility MOT can be around £500. If you haven’t been trying for long and there are no obvious fertility issues it might be better to keep trying naturally as IVF can be expensive, invasive and not necessarily more successful. Or at least keep trying in the meantime while you pursue other options.

WRT your specific situation, if you’re planning to do self insemination with your current partner, I don’t think success rates are any lower than the trad PIV version. There’s a long running thread on here which can give you some more info and support if you go down that route. Otherwise it becomes a bit more complicated! But not unachievable. Again I think there’s a donor conception board on here too, or you could speak with a fertility clinic.

If it helps, I’m currently 13 weeks pregnant aged 40 - it can take us oldies a bit longer but at 39 don’t count yourself out just yet. Good luck!