TTC with a chronic illness/fatigue

[minipilling]

I'm hoping some others are in the same boat. I've mentioned it on threads before, but I have endometriosis and chronic fatigue plus widespread pain (suspected fibro). My symptoms are better managed on the pill, but of course I had to come off the pill to TTC. Currently suffering another long and painful period, I've been sleeping all day, can hardly eat. I'm starting to think I can't do this. I feel so ill every day, surely a pregnancy will make me feel worse? And I don't know if I can cope with a child. I'm limited physically, I have all the help in the world from DH, but he can't fix me. He would do more than his fair share with a baby, and I could also have my mum to stay, but is that enough?

At the moment (Covid notwithstanding) I can't do days out or even walks that are longer than five minutes. I can do housework, but need to rest afterwards. I'm underweight and my nausea is not helping me bulk up (I'm trying to increase calories in case of pregnancy).

Am I just dreaming about taking care of a baby? I've been over this with DH so many times with many tears, but he's so desperate for a family and I am too... I'm just scared I cannot physically do this. Not to mention I'm worried about complications, hospitalisation, possible Covid (Long Covid would be impossible for me with my existing conditions). I skipped TTC last month because I wasn't sure what to do, I got my positive OPK and just couldn't face sex so deliberately missed the window. Now the window is looming again and I would love to conceive, to stop this nightmare cycle of period and ovulation, but what then? I could easily miscarriage and have to start all over again, or have an ectopic, or any number of problems.

I've looked at the pros and cons, but every time me and DH come to the conclusion that maybe I shouldn't risk it, we just feel so bereft. To take pregnancy out of the equation, we have also discussed adoption, but we are not sure if it's right for us and I would still worry about my ability to care for the child.

I suppose I'm just asking if anyone also suffers with chronic pain and fatigue and has similar concerns? Or are any of you existing mothers with chronic illness?

Thank you.

I have a chronic health issue with fatigue etc. that developed after I had my two. It has been very, very hard indeed. The only way I can manage when I have a flare is to stay in bed all day from after I drop them off until when I have to pick them up so I have enough energy to (almost...) get through the evening. I cannot work which means the burden of earning is all on my DH. By the end of any school holidays I am often pretty unwell (September is a write off...).

However, this is such a huge and personal issue. It is of course possible to have a child but I think you need to work out just how you are going to manage to find and afford the support you will undoubtably need. Lots of people with chronic illness and disability etc. have babies and parent well... but it takes a great deal of resources (money!), support and planning and considering just how much you can actually cope with.

For example, in my position now I wouldn't exclusively breastfeed but would bottle or mix feed so I could sleep at night. My partner would have to be prepared to take a significant amount of time off of work. I would have to ask my mother to come and stay for extended periods. I would have to be able to afford a cleaner/mother's help and nanny/nursery later, even though I couldn't work to pay for them, so that I had enough time to rest. I would also need money for holiday camps/care etc.

I developed horrendous pelvic and back pain in pregnancy and ultimately couldn't walk. It eased slightly after birth then the pressure damaged my facet joints. The pain makes me exhausted.

Caring for a baby and now toddler has been HARD. My DH is great but I don't have family help. I don't know if anyone can answer this for you.... For me im not sure I could have another baby. I've struggled a lot. I need to keep working as we live in an expensive area so you need to consider funds. If you feel like shit you have to paste on a smile and get down on the floor with them or go for a walk because they won't sleep. Unless you had a nanny I'm not sure you can get round this.

I hope this doesn't sound too pessimistic - of course women and families do this so you wouldn't be alone! Hope more can advise.

Why not ask on this thread, lots of mums

CHRONIC PAIN - share your moans and achievements
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/general_health/4188376-chronic-pain-share-your-moans-and-achievements