Is it too late for me/should I just give up?

[ReggaeIrish]

Hi there,

So yet again I've had another visit from Auntie Flo, but this time round it has really hit my hard as I was two days late... I'm 41 years old, and have a lovely 3 years old DD and partner but I would love to have another child. Though I've talked with my partner and expressed my fears/concerns about us TTC this time round, and he's assured me that he does want another child; it just seems so much harder. I'm WFH and my world for the last year has just been the spare room, kitchen or the living room. I only go out to do the food shop and the park with my DD, occasionally seeing a mom friend for a park play date for my DD, but am feeling that my life is just slipping away in stagnation. My partner's work has been crazy busy throughout the past year after the first lockdown as construction sites have reopened. He's regularly working long days and some weekends, and when he comes home just wants to sit on the sofa and vegetate. I'm pretty much left picking up the running of the house; cooking, cleaning, food shopping and all the child care, whilst also doing my crazily stressed out job. Though he says he wants another child, to me his behaviour is saying different. As it's always me that initiates sex, and I'm left feeling like I'm chasing him/harassing him or walking on eggshells wondering when he's in the mood. I get that our jobs are both stressful and tiring, and with DD around, we've lost that magic 6-7pm slot that worked so well to conceive her, but I can't help feeling scared/resentful that we're losing our chance to have another child, because he's tired and never seemingly in the mood. Should I just give up and accept that we are a family of three?? I know that we are lucky and that some poor people never get the gift of a child, which makes me feel even worse for getting so emotional and frustrated over this all. We've been TTC since May 2020, but if we have sex 3 times in a month, that's an active month for us!! I don't want to get to the point that sex is a soulless regimented act but I can feel it slipping that way if I was to let this get obsessive with me, especially with me initiating all the time. Thus why I want to know I should just accept my lot, grieve for the child I may never have, and move one with life?? Thanks in advance for any advice you may give xx

I know totally where you are coming from. I'm 39 with a very nearly 3 year old. I'm pregnant at the moment (very very early days and after 3 consecutivelosses) but had to initiate all of the sex to get us here. I get so stressed around ovulation time at the thought of another wasted month if we fail to dtd. I feel like I nag him but know if I didn't track things he never would. It's so easy to become obsessive but you have to be at our age to a certain extent.
I have set a date on which we'll stop actively trying so we know there's an end in sight either way. I suspect if we haven't been successful in ttc n2 by then I will have to have some sort of counselling to accept it to move on.
So no advice really, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Hope it all works out for you

@Jeds55 Thank you for responding! It's comforting to know that someone else has felt as I do, especially around the whole TTC thing. I don't know why but there seems to be this thing about not saying out loud that we're TTC, some of it I can understand as you don't need the pressure of people constantly asking "pregnant yet??!" And some fear of tempting fate/the early 1st trimester miscarriages, but then I feel like you're left with no where to go to voice/go through your anxieties. I suppose my post was my way of venting into the Mumsnet cloud; feel slightly better for it Thank you again for just letting me know I'm not alone in how I feel. Cross fingers for next month eh!!