Help husband on antidepressants and ttc

[digitalnative]

Hi all

Please be gentle as this is a fairly sensitive post, and looking for some advice.

We had a late stage mmc a year ago and we are finally looking to conceive again. Problem is my partner was put on citapram and it's seems to have created some problems with him organisming. After a fair amount of a sex drought after everything (my fault) I'm a little shocked and he can go for hours (I'm really not complaining but unhelpful when ttc)

We have tried lowering the dose (it didn't end well) and doctors suggested going on sertline (Zoloft) does anyone have any success stories on this one ? Or advice on other anti depressants that aren't SSR's ? SSRs seem to have universally say only way to solve this problem is to come off them which isn't a thing I want to put on his shoulders. I know he would because we desperately want any other chance..

I can't stress enough please be kind, the mmc really hit us for 6 and don't ask why we ttc if he's on antidepressants and question if it's the right time. It is for us.

I'm incredibly embarrassed having to ask the internet this. I feel like I'm failing my husband in all areas. All we want is another chance.

Experiences or advice most welcome

Hi,

SSRI's are known to make it difficult to climax unfortunately. I am on sertraline and experience lower sex drive and difficulty climaxing as a side effect.

Different medications affect people differently. For example, for me citalopram made me gain tons of weight whereas my sister is fine on it! So it could be a case of trying something else to see if this helps, but I'd also be a little cautious of this if his mental health is doing well on citalopram..

I'm sorry I have no practical advice but didn't want to read and run. You're not failing your husband, please don't think that.

xx

Ahhh so it might be another SSR might not have the same effects ?

Tbh I think councilling has helped but I don't want to put him into the dark spot again but on flip side he wants a baby so I don't want him going native.

Just wanted to find out if people have had same issues and it's been solved by another type !

Funnily enough his sex drive is great on them just the ending that we are struggling with.

Doctors are bit rubbish about explaining this, and GP knew his wishes re trying again. So wish they had flagged this tbh

So sorry about your mc and that you're now dealing with this.

So yes, ssris can make it harder to finisher. I wonder though if there are things you can tweak to make crossing the line a bit easier.

1. could you time sex to be just before he takes the tablet? That is when the level of ssri will be lowest in his blood so make it easier to finish

2. you could switch up what you're doing to increase stimulation? My partner sometimes takes a while to finish and I will sometimes hop off and stimulate him with my hand (not mouth cause of sperm-killing saliva) until he is very close and then hop on for the finale.

3. I'd imagine he is feeling under pressure here. Not only are you guys trying to conceive, so he HAS to finish for that to happen, you are also trying for a rainbow baby, which i guess increases how much you want it, and also he's probably conscious of how happy it would make you and wants to make it happen. Is there any way you can take the pressure off? Maybe tell him you're going to take a month off and not 'try' (you can make sure you're having sex at the right times but he doesn't have yo know that. Maybe tell him that you just want to focus on connecting with him and have fun and it doesn't matter at all whether he finishes or not.

Fingers crossed you can make it happen xx

Thank you for the reply. Trust be told I have said let's come off contraption and see what happens type approach. I never thought this would would be a issue it, but I know he wants it so badly so I have tried to get him to take it easy but you know men.

I'm going to give a go re timing of tablets and DTD and switching up it up like you mentioned in point number 2.

I suppose I just want to know that someone somewhere must have had successful outcome of ttc on these meds. Also I did not know that about saliva! Thank you !!!! How did I not know is ?

It's all making me a bit worried as I know he's going to need this medication for a while and all he's read online is only way to stop this side effect is to stop the tablets. Which is a no go atm as I have just got my husband back again !

I agree that coming off them is just a big no. Health needs to come before anything else and that includes mental health.

Try and make it clear that he doesn't need to feel pressured.

Maybe try having sex less often and with more foreplay. Also, let him take the lead. He'll know what will turn him on most and it will make him feel less pressure. Maybe ask him if there's anything he'd like to try that you haven't before.

Lastly don't blame yourself. These medications are even given to treat premature ejaculation. There's nothing you or your partner are doing wrong. It's just a difficult situation.

I don't have great advice for you OP unfortunately - my DH was on citalopram and not only did it cause climax issues and loss of sex drive it also nuked his sperm. To the point we were referred for IVF. 6 months after he stopped taking them (without telling me I'd add!) we fell pregnant naturally just as we were about to start our IVF cycle

Hi OP. My husband is also on citalopram. I was really panicking they would affect his sperm like the the PP but my husband sperm analysis came back absolutely fine. His sperm count, morphology and motility was way above average.

In terms of him taking ages to finish. I feel you. It was so stressful he could go for hours. He was on the tablets before TTC though and the problem wasn't half as bad. The pressure of wanting a baby definitely made it worse. For us we got pregnant on cycle 14 so it was stressful every month for a long time. I remember once just crying because I didn't want sex anymore. The citalapram was not a factor in it taking us this long though as we did manage to DTD throughout fertile week. The month we conceived I'd pretty much given up but bless him he perservered. I'd say try not to stress about doing it too much during the fertile week. Use ovulation sticks so you can pin point it more. For us we had sex twice the week we conceived. My husband would often pleasure himself until he was on the brink and then finish inside me. Or we'd try one night and if we knew it wasn't going to happen then just stop and try again the next day and it would be easier and less stressful for both of us.

Good luck xx

Hi OP, my other has recently gone back on Sertraline after a year off of it. He definitely struggles to finish whereas when he came off of it he was fine. I keep telling him it's ok and not to put pressure on himself but it's tough.
I completely understand that we have to put them first, but the struggle of TTC is taking it's toll. We've only been trying for 4 months but I have long cycles which doesn't help things either! I'm currently in my TWW so I'll let you know how things go, although I'm not holding my breath. But just wanted to post to say that you aren't alone and never feel embarrassed x

Hi

My partner is on venlafaxine. He didn't so much have trouble with finishing but he didn't really feel the climax, which meant sex wasn't overly enjoyable for him. He got himself a fleshlight and started using that with some sperm friendly lube, then when he was near finishing I would jump on. Worked for us. My friend used to have to give her boyfriend hand jobs to get him to finish, I suppose fleshlight is like a really powerful handjob?! Maybe worth a try.

Thank you ladies for all your comments !! Im so glad I'm not alone in this misery.

I don't know how I didn't really twig that this would become a issue.

This seems to be a really common side effect of SSR's although I'm cross the GP has said the sertline (the new one the gps prescribed) is basically going to cause the same issues because the GP said nope no sexual side effects either this one 😭

Hi DigitalNative,

Hope you're well! Such an awful awful thing to be going through - me and my husband had something similar. In the end we got pregnant by doing self insemination. Husband took ages to "finish" and I think there was added pressure of me being there and he felt guilty etc. So in the end we would just mark the days when i was ovulating, he went up the bedroom on his own and did his business so there was no time pressure. When he had a deposit I came up and we used a syringe to insert it and i lay on my back for half an hour with my legs up. We also used proseed to help things along. I was surprised at how quickly this worked for us - second month of trying, and how littler sperm we needed - just over 1ml.
We used a kit like this www.amazon.co.uk/Home-Insemination-Women-Syringe-Ovulation/dp/B08V5GG72S/ref=sr_1_6?dchild=1&keywords=home+insemination+kit&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1616406659&sr=8-6
I suppose its not for everyone but it worked for us.
Hope this is helpful. PM me if you need anymore details

Hi OP,

Just wanted to let you know that I was in a similar position TTC after a miscarriage and DP was on the highest dose of Citalopram. I think all SSRIs have the same impact in that department. Some SSRIs might have less of an effect on libido which might be what your doctor meant? But it doesn't sound like that is the problem, all SSRIs can cause issues with delayed orgasm.

Don't be embarrassed about TTC whilst he is on antidepressants, there's nothing wrong with it.

DP is coming off his atm after nearly 2 years on them, should be stopped fully by the time DD is here (4 weeks to go!)

The depressing thing is (no pun intended) his sexual mojo has been better on citapram, it's just the delayed ejection. Frustrating as my hubby explained it really clearly to gp but just wanted to rob him off. We are in the middle of the transition from citapram to sertline (you need to wean off one then wean back on to the other) apparently.

You will all have to forgive my general distrust in doctors at the moment. I don't usually sound like a whack doodle, it's just we have had some awful comments come from his GP along with calling our last baby "tough luck" but you can always get another one 😒

Any tips re at home re artificial insemination would be great. I supposed I never even considered how this works ? How much is enough ect

I just want to give him a option out of this pressure cooker he's putting himself in and frankly me. I can only hope my body doesn't fail me again ! Xxx

Thank you all for being so lovely - I'm really glad I posted on here for advice