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Feeling really sad.

11 replies

Penguinmumma · 19/03/2021 05:35

Just needed somewhere to rant as there no-one I can talk to about this. My fertility journey is so complex we don’t tell anyone when ttc.

On cycle 5, my opk’s were getting stronger last night and I typically miss my peak as it’s during the night. Should have been perfect timing except, my DH is currently just a H. DD went missing from afterschool club yesterday along with one of her friends. They didn’t realise for 30mins and was only because they checked on the other child that they even realised. Turns out they decided to just leave on their own as they thought it was the plan. It was not, and never has been the plan. So, I asked H to come home instead of going to the gym as I needed some support talking to DD, and after a serious incident at work, I wasn’t having the best day and was struggling.
He came home but was awful to me because he missed going to the gym. He knew last night was the best timing for bd but said he didn’t care and has spent the past 24hrs calling me names. He admitted this morning he knew refusing to bd would hurt me due to the timing and that’s why he did it.
I am heartbroken. Because of my age ive only give myself a set number of months which is almost at an end now so he knew how important it was. I feel like I can’t trust him anymore and feel so low that he’s put the gym ahead of me and DD in terms of what’s important in his life.

I feel like I’m about to go from TCC my second rainbow baby, to divorce. I don’t know how to even try and get past this. What he’s done is unforgivable.

Not really sure why I’m posting other than I needed to get it off my chest. Sorry.

OP posts:
Blossom37 · 19/03/2021 06:08

Hey I didn't want to read and not comment.

I am so so sorry you have been going through this.

Reading it made me angry but I of course don't know your situation so I'm not here to judge or tell you what to do as I'm not in your shoes but I hope you don't mind me commenting with my thoughts. One main thing however I would say is that YOU and your daughter should always be a priority and how he treated you in my opinion is plain mean spiteful and unforgivable. Are you sure you want a second baby with a person who quite clearly thought a gym was more important? 😳

It may seem easy to say this from outside so I don't mean it in a bad way but I feel that you may be better off without someone who treats you and your child so poorly. Please know you are worthy much more, but if you don't stand up for yourself and allow him to treat you like that, he will get worse.

You need a partner that supports and cares about you. How will he help you if you have your daughter and a brand new baby if quite clearly his priorities are effed up?

Btw... calling you names is absolutely unforgivable he just showed you his true colours (if that hasn't happened before) and I personally would run and better to have a lucky escape than end up living in misery with someone who doesn't treat you well.

(Ps. Regarding Lucky escape I speak from experience. Moment my ex boyfriend (almost fiancé) spoke to me in a disrespectful and mean manner was the moment I left (other niggling things happened but I always thought we're not bug enough but in retrospect they were signs) and I found the most amazing and caring husband so I know the difference how I should be treated and how me and our child should abs are a priority to him).

Sorry again to read this and I hope you find a solution that makes you happy x

Blossom37 · 19/03/2021 06:12

Ps. @Penguinmumma I know it may be scary the unknown or feeling you won't manage on your own (if living him will indeed be the decision)... the feeling is normal but you will manage. Us women are strong and in face of adversity we are capable of superhuman strength and we can do and achieve anything we put our minds to x

jessstan2 · 19/03/2021 06:54

I'm appalled that your husband was annoyed about missing the gym! As if not going one evening is going to kill him. How very childish.

I'm sorry about your fertility problems but you do have a child which is a great blessing.

Penguinmumma · 19/03/2021 07:21

I don’t know what to do anymore. My head and heart are a mess and I just feel so sad and lonely.

OP posts:
Blossom37 · 19/03/2021 08:08

@Penguinmumma do you have a support network? Someone to talk to like close relatives or friends?

Janxyb · 19/03/2021 09:03

Aww I'm really sorry OP 💐 I don't really have much advice but I feel angry for you!
Ttc is emotional and stressful with out all of that on top. Does he often act like that? Have you been together long? Just so cruel ☹☹💐 xx

Penguinmumma · 19/03/2021 09:09

@Blossom37 a very small one. I’m not great with people 🤦🏻‍♀️

@Janxyb 10 years. He has on and off but never like that before. Never that cruel.

My peak was deffo overnight so I’m out without af even being due for 12 more days. Devastated.

OP posts:
Penguinmumma · 20/03/2021 00:41

I tried to talk to him about it. Wrote down how I feel and how devastated I am. All I got was some name calling and told it’s my own fault. I did nothing wrong.
Instead of TTC, I’m now looking at divorce and trying to come to terms with the fact I’ll never have another baby. I’ve been through a lot of trauma in the past, but this is by far the loneliest I’ve ever felt.

OP posts:
Blossom37 · 20/03/2021 06:36

Sorry to hear that @Penguinmumma but well done to you for dealing with it and as hard this must've been for you to federal with and the realisation at the end must've hurt.... at least now you know where you stand and as devastating and hard this must be for you I am very happy to hear you can see that you can't stay with a person who treats you so badly. I am wishing you good luck and honestly whatever happens you may not have another baby but who knows what life has in store for you. There may just be another baby in your future but with the right person x

Penguinmumma · 20/03/2021 06:46

@Blossom37 I’m about to turn 40 and once I do I can’t get fertility support where I live. If it didn’t happen this month, I could have got help but now I can’t. There won’t be another baby now.

OP posts:
JessWi · 20/03/2021 08:03

I couldn’t read this and not post.

I’m so sorry you are going through such a hard time and whilst I’m not here to offer advice on your relationship (as that really is a very personal choice) there are always options to having a baby without a man?! If you really feel that you want another baby, with or without this man, then there are many ways that you can do that. If he doesn’t respect your decision enough to be a part of it then perhaps it’s time for you to put yourself first and take matters into your own hands.

Just a thought and sending you all the love in this hard time xx

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