TTC but uncertain...

[daisyrosebuttercup]

Hi

My husband and I have never been in a hurry to start a family and I guess we were slightly ambivalent about it but at the same time it did feature in our longer term future together. We talked about it a lot for a few years and last May I turned 34 and it kind of felt like now or never. I didn't want to leave it too late and have the decision made for me.

We've been TTC since May and nothing so far but have noticed my cycles are a little irregular and my luteal phase is shorter than average 8-9 days. I've been using ovulation tests for 6 months and think I'll buy a basal temperature thermometer soon. We said we'd approach the GP when it is approaching a year if nothing has happened. When I got my period last week I felt a bit of relief if I'm brutally honest. One minute I feel ready and the next I feel like stopping trying for a while especially as I wouldn't be able to get the covid vaccine if I became pregnant and feel like I need some freedom (if that is even possible this summer) but then I think if it is a choice between that and not having a family then I'd pick family.

I think I want to know sooner rather than later if there are any problems and if so what options are available. I think neither of us are in a 'rush' to be parents but it feels like we have to do this now or risk not being able to later?

Sorry for the ramble, I don't have anyone to talk to about this apart from my husband. I don't know whether to try and speak to the GP now (granted it hasn't been quite a year yet but I think after 35 they say to seek help after 6 months) and then hopefully we can get some tests done as I think this takes a while? I wondered if maybe if they all come back okay to have a little break and take the pressure off for a few months?

I think with so much uncertainty I'm finding it really hard wondering if it is just a question of time or if there is a problem. I'm not very good with the unknown in general and am a planner and like to know what is lying ahead.

I dont have much advice but am in a very similar position and just wanted to say hi :)

I'm 33 and have been TTC for just 4 months. I always thought I wanted kids but the older I've got the less ready I've felt, weirdly! My DH is 44 and has 2 grown up kids as well that I helped raise... so having gone through the teenage years already I'm not naive about what lies ahead.

I feel the same about desperately wanting it one minute and then being almost relieved when it doesn't happen the next. But I suffer from anxiety and don't like not being in control so I'm struggling not knowing if anythings wrong or if we'll be able to conceive or when it will happen etc...

I would talk to your GP now and see if they can take any blood tests etc.. they might just say to wait a full year.

I'm trying to be laid back and just adopt a 'what will be will be' attitude as I know having kids isn't necessarily going to make me happy.... but like you said I dont like not having control over it, I would want it to be my choice.

Eugh... lifes confusing! How does your partner feel? Do you have friends with and without kids? X

I'd say get the ball rolling with the tests even if you're ambivalent - there are only pros to having them done in my opinion, whereas you can easily regret not doing them.

To give you an idea, I called my GP in July and it took until November to have all the tests done and a referral sent to the fertility clinic. Then my appointment was until February (although originally was scheduled for May!) and now I'm in limbo again between appointments. So it potentially takes many months to jump through the hoops so you might as well have the hoops lurking in the background whilst you continue to think about it? Oh, and if we need to go down the IVF route the wait is close to 10 months at the moment so that's another addition to your timeline to take into consideration.

I also want to stress that if your tests come back okay it does not mean it takes the pressure off or that everything is okay. They only test for the basics and eg your hormone levels might be fine but they won't check if your ovarian reserves are low until much later in the process if at all. Not to mention there are many things that could be wrong that they can't even test yet with modern medicine - hence so many couples that are stuck with "unexplained infertility".

I know what you mean about the vaccine OP! I was expecting to be vaccinated in September but just got called up last week (I'm 32) and I'm 12 weeks pregnant so now have to wait till October anyway!

With my first I got pregnant super quickly, but this one has taken 13 long months of trying and tests to get there. We were actually booked to start IVF the month I got pregnant.

If I were you I wouldn't necessarily stop trying because you don't how long the process might take, but I'd probably take the pressure off by deleting the app and stopping using ovulation sticks. I used them, and they made the whole process very mechanical and, if I'm honest, not very fun. I became very led by when we "should" have sex, rather than just enjoying ourselves as we used to.

The GP should be able to do your bloods and semen analysis without too much bother or waiting, so why don't you just do that to reassure you, then stop "trying" for the next three months? You can still get your vaccine (I think you're supposed to wait till you get your period so you know you're def not pregnant) and you might be called up sooner than you expected, like I was.

I probably shouldn't confess to this, but I found out I was pregnant with both of mine after a weekend of too much cheese and wine both times! Maybe a care free couple of months might be just what you need.

Good luck! :)

Thank you so much for the replies . My partner keeps saying he isn't in any hurry to have children (but that it would be nice to maybe have them but equally if we can't we'd get a dog) but then asks me if I've done the ovulation tests and is a little frustrated nothing is happening but then says he isn't in a hurry at the same time.

I've got friends with and without kids but the friends without kids I don't feel I can talk to about this as I don't want to be insensitive as they're my age and not in relationships currently so don't want to risk being insensitive in case they're worried about if/when they can have kids if you get what I mean...but then again maybe that is insensitive of me to assume that it may upset them talking about it. My closest friend with kids suffered two MC's recently so I don't feel I can really talk to her either as she has got so much on at the moment.

That's really useful to understand how long things may take, I'll give the doctors a call and see what they say. I think I'll stop doing the tests for the next few months and just carry on trying but not being wed to the sticks. I agree @EmbarrassingMama it's really made everything feel very mechanical and taken a lot of the enjoyment out of it. Feels more like a science experiment every month and a chore?

Thank you so much for the supportive and understanding replies.