Terrified of another miscarriage

[lamby12]

I'm not even 4 full weeks yet (found out on Monday) and I'm terrified of another early miscarriage. I had 2 in 2020, the most recent at Xmas.

This is TTC #2, been trying for 18months and I have premature ovarian failure so it's been tricky.

DD is 2.5 and just hit terrible 2 behaviours I think. Won't nap any more, crazy mood swings, kicking me, won't listen or respond when in a wild behaviour mood and doing dangerous stuff (mainly climbing) and threats of confiscation of toys and follow through have zero impact.

I'm worrying massively today about miscarrying early. Every time I pick up DD or wrestle her off something I feel like right that must be it now. Or this afternoon I lost my shit with her (shouting) because of a refusal to get down of a high surface. I had my Fitbit on and my blood pressure was through the roof. Even though I keep having a word with myself about staying calm. I have now convinced myself I am going to miscarry based on the above. I know as I read it all this is irrational and cannot actually cause a miscarriage.

How can I stop myself being so obsessive and,
I'm aware, irrational. Blaming myself for it before it's even happened?!

Firstly congrats on your pregnancy! I'm not sure the worry goes, however pragmatically you know that stress of a toddler or occasional lifting of a toddler is not the cause of miscarriages. Apparently if you lift heavier toddler sized weights properly, with legs rather than back, its okay.

The stress of worrying about miscarrying combined with terrible twos. Be kind to yourself - make things as easy as you can right now. More screen time for a few weeks won't hurt her. Is there a way you can take more of a break,, with a bubbled relative taking some of the childcare for example? Have you tried meditating also? Even if you don't really believe in it, its nice to have half and hour of time to yourself in the dark away from everyone else.

Hi @lamby12
I think I have spoken to you on another thread 😘
I am in a similar position to you, got a BFP after 3 chemicals and am not 4 weeks yet either - the fear is driving me crazy and every time time I go to the toilet I panic! It's totally normal for us to feel like this though and I am not sure that will ever go away, as much as we want it to!
I have a 3 year old daughter and am finding the stress of all this is taking its toll.
As easy as it is for me to say just keep your mind busy as much as you can 🙂 always here if you need a chat x

@A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 thank you I needed to hear that!

Yes @Icklemissgem we are on the conceiving after miscarriage thread! I didn't want to flood the thread with how I am feeling because I know I am lucky to have a BFP and lots of ladies on there are still waiting. But the fear has really taken over me the last couple of days!

On the first faint BFP I think I was still in that could be/couldn't be mind so if I bleed I'd be able to convince myself it maybe wasn't really there but now I have had definite FRERs and a 2-3weeks on CBD I am getting attached even though I am trying not to be!

Like I said I'm worried about lifting my daughter, getting stressed... everything! Today I'm worried because I feel fine whereas yesterday I felt sicky. It's torture isn't it. I know it's no good to worry so I'm trying to keep occupied. But also listen to my body and rest a bit too.

I'm so sorry you've been through that many chemicals, I had 2 in 2020, the first I wasn't 100% sure as it was faint but the subsequent bleed was bad so I was then sure. But because I was never certain that I was pregnant beforehand, I wasn't too affected. The last one was 5.5 weeks and I had convinced myself it would work out as we'd had our bad luck. The grief was so awful I went to a really dark place for weeks and I think some shock too. I'm trying to prepare myself so it's not as hard hitting as the last one if it ends.

How are you coping with your 3yo? Have you had any symptoms yet? X

@lamby12

It’s easy for me to say not to stress though because I am sat here doing the exact same thing!

Definitely rest and all you can do is see what happens, my husband keeps saying worrying isn’t going to change the outcome anyway so what’s the point in stressing over it 🙈 I mean I get where he is coming from but not that easy haha.

I am so sorry for what you have been through, let’s just keep everything crossed for both us that this time will be different 🤞🏻

I have really bad cramps at the moment which is sending my mind into overdrive thinking that’s my period coming.

@lamby12 sorry pressed send to early!

You get attached after the faintest line and as you say it’s so hard not to, that’s only normal 😘

It’s understandable to stress over everything, especially after what you have been through.
I honestly don’t think the lifting will be an issue, I do weights classes and I carried on doing this weekly with my last pregnancy and was advised it was safe to do so 😊

Thanks @Icklemissgem I have read that lifting being a problem is an old wives tale and logically I know it is too. But can't help overthinking it every time! DD is at that age where's she's tantrumming lots and wants picking up but she is reallllly heavy to be picking up now at nearly 2.5. And I have a 3 door car so the car seat is a strain (understatement). Every time it's in my mind thinking did I just over do it?!

Sorry you're having cramps, I've had strange cramps the last few days - not really painful more like nervy twinges really low down in my stomach and almost into my crotch. I felt ok by that because I remember those feelings from pregnancy with DD but today I've started with more like period feeling cramps so I'm worried too. I plan to have an early scan at 6 weeks if I make it that far. Last time I didn't book it because I was superstitious like if I book it it's jinxing it... but it ended anyway and obviously superstition doesn't make sense anyway with that sort of thing! So I think I will just book it anyway for 2 weeks tomorrow then I have something to 'aim for' mentally.

My DH is sick of hearing about it already I think. He's not much of a talker and doesn't like to go over and over things or obsess about anything. I am doing exactly that at every opportunity with him....!

@lamby12

Yes I remember the terrible twos very well, although to be honest since my daughter turned 3 she has been no better!!

Yes I am trying to convince myself the cramps are normal, also I have been prescribed the cyclogest pessaries this time which I had to start yesterday and have read it’s a side effect of those also.
How far are you so far?
I ovulated CD18 instead of my usual CD14 so I’m not sure whether to base it off my ovulation date instead of my last period - do you know at all? If I base it on my last period I would be 4 weeks tomorrow.

Definitely get your scan booked in, I will be doing the same and hoping I make it that far.

I have heard having mini milestones to aim for definitely helps x

@Icklemissgem tomorrow will be 4 weeks, as in 4 weeks from the first day of my period this cycle as that was Friday 12th. I usually have a short cycle. I ovulated day 14 or 15 but we DTD on day 11 (I thought I was out - we were going to DTD on day 14 because I had a positive OPK but I had bad ovulation pain and we started and it hurt so we stopped... sorry if that's tmi, I can only now think that fertilisation must have been taking place as I was ovulating and the swimmers were already there!

I'm getting lots of left sided twinges though, which I had in my last chemical but I also had in my successful pregnancy. So I'm trying not to worry too much. But also expecting it so I'm not in total shock...

I'm going to book my scan tomorrow if all is well, so that I'm booking it 2 weeks ahead

I really hope the pessaries work for you. I have read about them online and it sounds promising so I've got everything crossed for you, hope this is your time.

Everything crossed for us both!

I think they always do the date from the first day of your last period, as it's too complex to pinpoint when ovulation/fertilisation took place for sure. So you go from the period being day 1. Which makes us the same! X

@lamby12

I've turned into a mess today, every time I need a wee I get myself in a right panic and am nervous to go to the toilet in fear of seeing any bleeding has started 😫😫

Hope you are doing ok x

@Icklemissgem right there with you!!!! I spent last night in a real downward spiral because I had cramps all evening and night that were JUST like period cramps. Obviously everywhere you read says period like cramps normal in early pregnancy but you can't help panicking when it feels like things are starting again.

I am inspecting the toilet paper every time I wipe.

We've made it to 4 weeks now - fingers crossed for us both!

I have just booked my scan, 2 weeks today. Paid now but they refund all but £5 if you don't end up making it that far. So now I've got something to mentally aim for which doesn't feel too far off... what am I talking about 2 weeks is a lifetime right now! X

@lamby12 Ye I've been driving myself crazy all day!

Ah that's fab glad you have that booked in 😊 and definitely another milestone to aim for.

Although I am 4 weeks today I didn't ovulate until CD18 so don't think I am in the clear yet as I am not sure when my period should technically be due because of my late ovulation (never ovulated late before!)

Yep same here. The twinges have kicked in for me again this evening and I had the runs this afternoon and not anything I could have eaten. Made me a bit nervous because I had the runs for a couple of days before the last pregnancy ended. I hope this doesn't mean anything.

At least it's another day ticked off. Can't believe I am wishing time away so quick! I'm fairly certain when I ovulated this time and I deffo know when we dtd as it was only once.

Hope you're feeling ok this evening. How are you finding the pessaries?

@lamby12
Oh I know I am the same, reading in to every little thing.
I have bad nausea but I had this last month and still ended in a chemical so trying not to get my hopes up.

The pessaries are pretty gross but just hoping they will be worth it!!

Hope you're feeling ok today? Guess we just have to stay positive as there's not much else we can do xx

Yes same, before my loss at Christmas I had full on morning sickness ridiculously early which would have indicated super high hcg. So there's no telling is there, I'm trying not to read into things too much.

Got some weird stitch like twinges today and if I get up too fast I've got sharp hip pains like a cramp, hopefully normal pains of everything stretching. Feeling really anxious at the moment though like it could end at any minute.

We have an upcoming appointment with the private consultant on Thursday about our ivf plans. It was made before I found out and I have kept it in because obviously things might end, it's too early to assume this is it! So it's making me feel better knowing we're planning for 'what next' in case it does end. I'm still in my head thinking we're doing ivf because I know if I start thinking we've had a miracle I'll be crushed about having to go through the physical and emotional journey of ivf. I had already psyched myself up for ivf so I'm keeping that psych for now.

Hope you're feeling ok today! X

Hi @Icklemissgem I keep thinking of you, I hope you're doing ok? X

Hi @lamby12
Sorry for been so quiet but unfortunately I am having another chemical pregnancy, now my fourth and not sure how much I can take. This one seems to of hit me the hardest, maybe because I tried the pessaries and thought just maybe this time would be different.

Trying to remain positive and believe our time for another child will come but going to take a break for a few months now so I am mentally ready.

Hope you are doing ok? I hope all goes ok with your scan xxx

Oh @Icklemissgem I'm so sorry, I really thought this was it for you too. I can't believe the terrible luck you have had though I know that is not consolation right now.

I know I'm just a stranger but I was really hoping for you, I'm so sorry you're going through this again.

Take the time you need and look after yourself. So sorry. Xxxxxxx

@lamby12
Thank you, and thank you for being so lovely it's been very comforting talking to someone else and I am very grateful.

I am wishing you all the luck in the world on your journey xx