Miscarriage at 11wks - how did you manage new pregnancy after ?

[MiamiBeach104]

Hey ladies,

My miscarriage started last Tuesday at nearly 11 weeks, no previous scans. I went to A&E where the pain started becoming unbearable and my blood pressure dropped soI started fainting. Fortunately the urgent care team was very kind and supportive (partner was not allowed) and managed to stabilize me. I've lost my baby (1st pregnancy unplanned, I'm 34yo) but every day I'm getting a little bit better and my partner is extremely supportive.

I'm due another scan and blood test next week. Given everything is ok, I want to start trying for another baby asap. However, I have few questions and wonder what your experiences were.

1. What is there I can do to ensure I am as ready for another pregnancy as I possibly can be? (I know folic acid, vit D, healthy lifestyle) Are there any additional tests I can do to ensure there's nothing wrong with me? (I know the NHS won't offer anything just yet, but maybe I can do something privately?)

1. How to deal with anxiety when you finally get pregnant? I know I will be doing everything right this time but what else I can do to manage my anxiety? Talk to my GP? Private scans? Private care? (I have private health insurance but I trust NHS offers a healthcare just as good)

1. Did you change your work life arrangements at all? I have very stressful periods every month where I need to work 14hrs a day and over the weekend (office work but strict deadlines). It can be stressful but it' something i've been doing for a while now. Would you suggest trying to take things easy at least throughout the 1st trimester?

I was very relaxed with my pregnancy, tried not to worry about anything and just let nature do its job. However, I can't help but think maybe there was something I could have done to prevent this from happening. Or at least be better prepared this time to give higher chances for my baby surviving.

I would be very grateful to hear your experiences and how you coped with being pregnant again.

I'm so sorry for your loss it's heartbreaking.

I had 2 early MCs and then lost twins at 12 weeks it was an awful time but my way of coping was focusing on a healthy lifestyle - eating organic where possible, yoga and walking more. I continued to work (NHS patient facing role) and only took 3 days off work for my MC - I perhaps should have taken more time to look after myself but I needed the distraction.

I started ttc again straight after each loss as I was told you can be more fertile after a MC and I didn't want to miss a chance. I took DHEA and CQ10 along with my mutli vits and vit D. As I had three MC in a row I took aspirin 75mg from ovulation.

I was lucky and fell pregnant again the second month after lossing my twins - I'm currently 33 weeks pregnant. I was waiting for the recurrent MC clinic when I fell pregnant again so I never got to have my bloods checked.

I have been anxious this whole pregnancy - if we weren't in lockdown I would have had a few acupuncture sessions as I have found this helpful in the past. Every time I use the loo I'm checking for blood. I have had so many private scans - although these would only reasure me for a day or two. I paid for a private NIPT to rule out any chromosome issues as soon as I got to 11 weeks. I have spent a fortune 🙈. I'm now obsessed with monitoring his movements. To be honest it has been an awful pregnancy but the end is now insight.
I don't think I will loose this anxiety until he is here but it will all be worth.

I really hope you are successful with your next pregnancy. Sending you a big hug X x

Forgot to add - don't blame yourself for your loss. There was NOTHING you could have done to change it. It's awful but happens so often X x

There’s nothing you could do differently, don’t blame yourself at all, it is 1 in 4 KNOWN pregnancies so imagine the rates including chemical etc.

I would definitely recommend prenatal / folic acid anyway.

I had MMC (found out at 9 weeks, baby stopped growing at 6+3), I am now 8 weeks and I’m not going to lie I’m terrified... but I’m taking each day as it comes and ‘hoping for the best, preparing for the worst’ as the saying goes! My gut says everything is fine (which it didn’t last time), but my brain / anxiety keeps telling me it’ll happen again!

Sorry that’s not much help is it... just letting you know it is so much more common than you’d think. Take care of yourself first and foremost x

Thank you ladies.

@Quail15 - I like your idea on concentrating on healthy lifestyle. I bought stuff for smoothies yesterday and folic acid. I'll start researching ovulation trackers as well. My partner keeps on telling me just to relax and not think about it but it makes me feel more in control, that I'm doing something constructive about my situation. He's likely worried about my mental state and just wants me to feel better. Congrats on making this far - I trust you will have a healthy baby. All the best!

@Amz6219 - Tbh, I had gut feeling for some reason that it was not meant to happen. But I brushed it down to the fact that the pregnancy was unplanned. Sending you my positive thoughts. Stay strong!

Yesterday while at Boots a young lady (no more that 22-23) with a buggy came into the shop. She was chatting away on the phone (wasn't wearing a face mask which didn't help) and looked so happy and care free. I felt so jealous and angry at her. I know she didn't do anything to make this happen to me. But I couldn't help myself but think why me. I have so much to offer and was looking forward to it so much. I just paid for my folic acid and went to Sainsbury's to buy stuff for smoothies hoping to meet no more young mums.

Thanks again - it makes me feel less alone and gives encouragement xxxx

I can only really answer one of these as it was still quite recent. My baby also died at 11weeks in Dec 2020. Now I write that i realise its march, but it's been a bit of a journey.

1. make sure you take some time off work. I took 1 week but was still struggling for about a month after and would leave early etc

Your body make take a while to let go of the hormones. I took 9 weeks to test negative (no retained products or anything, just dialing down v slowly). Its important you have a negative test before TTC again.

Given you are 34, I agree that it may be good to add CQ10 (egg quality) and vitamin D to your vitamins.

My healthboard are testing me for APS given the timing of the loss. I understand most healthboards dont do this. You might be able to request that privately. This does mean a break in TTC as you should avoid pregnancy when getting tested. Takes a while too!

*may take a while

@MiamiBeach104 sorry for you loss. I've had 3 losses (and 2 successful pregnancies!) and honestly, unless you have an undiagnosed fertility problem (most women don't, miscarriages are often just 'bad luck'), then there is nothing you can do to prevent a miscarriage. It's nothing you've done so don't blame yourself in any way or get fixated on doing certain things.

Regarding anxiety, I've suffered very badly from this as a result to the miscarriages. The most helpful thing I found was mindfulness techniques in the initial months (saw a counsellor for this). Just distracting my mind when anxious thoughts popped into my head helped them take over. I also personally found having early scans very reassuring. I paid for some scans and for others free through the early pregnancy unit. Seeing a heartbeat in those early weeks is linked with a positive pregnancy outcome and so that made me feel more hopeful.

As for trying again. One of my successful pregnancies happened unexpectedly straight after my second miscarriage and I wasn't doing anything to prepare. In fact I was drowning my sorrows in wine and even had a hangover when I found out I was pregnant again! So while it's always good to be healthy and prepare your body for pregnancy, don't get too fixated on it.

Wishing you lots of luck!

@TheDaydreamBelievers - thanks for sharing your story. Sorry for your loss. Fingers crossed your APS test results will be encouraging.

I've looked up CQ10 on internet. How did you come across it? (It has not come up on any of my research I've been doing so far. Fair to say I am not being very methodical just yet)

@Aria2015 - I understand the element of bad luck but it just makes me feel helpless not being able to control it. I guess I just need to keep on trying and will get lucky one day. You had 3 losses and 2 pregnancies so numbers make sense.

I appreciate your comment on not getting fixated on it. There is a part of me that's doing exactly that. But with every day it is getting better. Hopefully when back to work (planning to be fully on tomorrow - after 1 week) it will be easier to distract the flow of thoughts.

Thanks again for sharing your experiences. I find it very helpful. It just proves how common this is and gives motivation to keep on trying xxx

@Aria2015 - I'm not looking for external help on managing anxiety just yet. Will give myself a couple of weeks before exploring the option / might need it when finally get pregnant again. Haha, I like your story of finding out you are pregnant again I hope you are well now xx

@MiamiBeach104 I think a lot of the mindfulness stuff I learnt from the counsellor, you can learn through an app or equivalent, so you don't have to seek external help to get the gist of it. I confess I'd always poo poo'd mindfulness, but it was good for distracting my mind at night and times when I found myself not very busy.

I didn't get much comfort from being told it was 'bad luck' either. I only mentioned it because I was just trying to reassure you that the odds are in your favour that you'll have a successful pregnancy (hopefully some time in the not too distant future!). Good luck!

@MiamiBeach104

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can totally understand the anxiety, guilt, fear, anger and so many emotions in one.

I can only share my experience as I lost my baby boy at 20 weeks nearly 1.5 years ago. I felt all that you are feeling and am also anxious about the future. If it helps, I'm one of the young mums (25) and this has happened to me. So I'd say every time you feel a bit like you've had a bad share, think that this person may have had something even worse happen to that you don't know about. I say this because I've been there, and now knowing so much more, I know how common it is to sadly lose a baby.

Regarding your anxiety, I think for me I'm now maybe ready to try again and I've told myself to take one day at a time. Max a week ahead of me and setting small milestones. The anxiety won't go away, but it can be minimised for our own sanity, right.

Take time to heal, grieve. It was definitely not your fault that this happened to you. They say if a miscarriage happens before 12 weeks, there's likely to be a chromosomal abnormality (possibly). So don't feel guilty, please.

Sorry my reply has become so long! I just wish you healing, happiness and healthy babies!

Take care x

Thank you @Aria2015 and @Mysleepingangel for your kid words and support.

I did scan last week and tested negative for pregnancy test on Monday. so all is going well.

good luck to us all