Anomaly scan

[Kingston91]

December 2020 i found out I was having a beautiful baby girl. Unfortunately with that came news that no parent wants to have. My baby had severe Spina Bifida. She was never going to have control over her limbs, she would never be able to me what she wanted as her brain wasn't developing my little girls spine was severely bent and her kidneys would never work. She also had a cleft palate. I had to choose to end my pregnancy and deliver her at 18 weeks or to let her grow inside me but not have a very good quality of life. I chose to end my pregnancy, the hardest decision I've ever had to make. She was born the beginning of December sleeping.

No one ever talks about these things so I've seen, it all tends to be early miscarriages. I've had many rude comments about how I'm a killer etc and I've taken her life but everyone is different. I believe what I went through was the best thing for her in the end. I feel this world can be very cruel already.

I'm feeling like I'm ready to try again for a baby. Has anyone been through anything similar and how have they moved on? Did you try again?

Sorry about the essay

Op, I haven't been through anything similar but just wanted to say I'm so sorry and how tough that must have been. For what it's worth, I would have made the same decision in your shoes. Please ignore any negative comments, she would have had a very poor quality of life so you did the kindest thing xx

@Kingston91 I haven’t been through the same experience as you. But I just want to say how terribly sorry I am. That’s the most heartbreaking news. Sending my love to you!

Please ignore what anyone says, many people would have done the same in your position. You did nothing wrong.

Good luck with your decision to try again!

Bless you love, what a terrible ordeal for you and your DH to go through. I would have chosen the same path as you. I have no advice about starting over but I wish you all the very best.

Hi @Kingston91, I'm so sorry for what you've been through, what a horrendous decision to have to make. I can't believe some people would make such awful comments, I'd just like you to know that I 100% would have made the same choice as you.

My situation wasn't exactly the same as yours but hopefully I can be some help. In March 2019 I was pregnant for the second time (after a beautifully uneventful first pregnancy) and went to my 12 week dating scan. Unfortunately we were told that our baby had hydrops in her lungs, spine and skull and had a nuchal measurement of over 8mm. We had about four more scans just within a week and the hydrops were getting worse - we were told that she most likely would not survive to 16 weeks so we made the decision to end our pregnancy. A post mortem showed that she had a severe form of Turners Syndrome.

To our amazement I actually fell pregnant again only three weeks later! I won't lie, the pregnancy was absolutely terrifying at times and I had to be under consultant care for the first trimester. Happy to report that my sweet baby girl was born happy and healthy and is now 14 months old and such a special little rainbow.

I'm actually 9+5 weeks pregnant again now and all those horrible scary feelings came flooding back. Not really sure how to properly get over them, if it's anything like my last pregnancy they'll go away once I actually have a healthy baby in my arms!

Anyway sorry for the essay! I really wish you all the luck in the world and hope you get a healthy little baby really soon. ❤️

I'm so sorry you had to go through all this. It's so difficult but it does get easier. I had the same experience (albeit different condition) five years ago and I still think about it a lot, however, it does not and hasn't felt as devastating for a long time now, so time has certainly been a healer. I think you should tell anyone who criticises you to get lost. People who haven't gone through it will never truly understand. I have absolutely zero guilt over our decision, because I know it was the right one. It's no one else's business really. (I can't believe how rude people can be though! )

I was desperate to get pregnant again after the TFMR, and I guess I was quite fertile afterwards as I got pregnant six weeks later. The pregnancy was nerve wracking, but luckily we had extra tests and scans, which was reassuring. Our rainbow baby just turned 4.

I actually thought I'd never want to go through a pregnancy again, but recently I have been getting really really broody (hence me lurking around the conception board ) and I'm thinking about giving it another go. It's a scary thought though! There is a thread in the Antenatal testing board for people TTC after a TFMR too. Have you had a look at that yet? It looks like a great thread for support.

Hello, this is my first post here but I'm in a similar situation. I'm really sorry you had to go through that. You're right - nobody really likes to talk about it and I felt very alone and still do sometimes. It was 4 years ago but doesn't get easier.

I had my anomaly scan at 20 weeks, and was told that my baby had suspected CDH (Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia).

My scan was on a Friday, we were told we'd get referred to a bigger hospital for a proper scan and the outcome was what we feared.

She was diagnosed with severe left sided CDH, which meant her stomach/bowels/intestines were up inside her chest cavity. Her lungs were squashed and so was her heart. They said it was a 50/50 chance she'd survive but she could end up with brain damage from lack of oxygen at birth (because of her lungs not being able to grow).

Anyway long story short, we had the scan Monday, and she was born on Thursday at 21 weeks. She didn't survive, of course. But I stand by my decision, I didnt want to bring a child into the world knowing she would be suffering from the off. The consultant was sure that even if she did survive she would be in pain and probably die after 6 months anyway. Other people see it differently and that's fine, but these are individual circumstances and you did the right thing by you and your daughter.

Since then, my partner (her father) and I have split up (the whole situation broke us completely - we'd been together for 9 years) and I'm in a new relationship. We've been together 3 years and to be honest I don't think the urge for a child ever goes away even after something so traumatic as that.

We're currently trying (first month) although I've had the urge for years it just hasn't been the right time. I think if you're ready then go for it! Only you know in your heart if you're ready or not.

I wish you best of luck, feel free to message me if you want to talk xx