Admit its too late?

[gizmo167]

I'm 42, 43 next month, have had 2 mc in the past year, both a day or so short of 6 weeks, Drs have offered no support or tests, after all "I cant expect my eggs to stay fresh forever right???" (yea Dr's words!)

I have a DD who is 7, I was diagnosed with PCOS, irregular cycles and difficulty conceiving her, took 3 years but pregnancy totally uncomplicated and cycles have been regular since giving birth.

Reading statistics about recurrent miscarriage really shows I dont have much hope do I, given my age and previous miscarriages risks double etc etc, is it just time to admit its too late and I'm too old!

I'm very much in the same boat as you. 42 and 43 next week. I had two chemical pregnancies last year and we have now been trying for a year with no success. I can no longer deal with the constant stress of trying to conceive so this month, I stopped doing OPKs and am trying not to think about stuff too much. It is near impossible to avoid thinking about it as it has occupied my mind for so long.

My periods are shorter, I have had some bleeding around ovulation on a couple of occasions, I get horrible PMS symptoms leading up to my AF now and I think I ovulated really early this month and so I'm pretty sure I'm peri-menopausal. I think we will keep trying but with a "relaxed" approach and ultimately in my head, with the aim of becoming more detached from the process, paying more attention to other aspects of life and hopefully getting over the desperate need to have another.

Sorry this isn't a very positive post but I reached a point last month where I decided something had to give, I couldn't keep living my life only thinking and caring about getting pregnant.

@kirinm, thanks for the reply! We are pretty much in the same boat!

Its difficult just accepting isnt it, I dont temp, we just DTD as often as we want and have been taking the whatever happens approach. I was shocked by my first BFP given I tried for 3 years to have my DD, it only took about 10 months at age 41, nearly 42! It was almost a year then to the next BFP but both pregnancies ended at practically the exact cycle day to each other.

It is very difficult to accept. I feel young enough to have another but I am assuming my eggs just aren't up to it! It is frustrating and I think distraction and concentrating on other things is probably the only way to ever accept it.

I got pregnant first time trying with my DD and I was 39. It feels unfair that in the space of a couple of years, my body has aged so much it can't happen.

I'm almost 43 and in the same boat although this will be our first (if I get pregnant). One miscarriage. I keep reading mixed opinions. I suppose everyone is different. It doesn't help that all these celebs are getting pregnant in their late 40s but not saying how. Of course they don't have to but I'm sure they have had assistance such as IVF, egg donation or surrogacy.

@ClaireEclair aw hun frustrating isnt it! So many women in their 40s do have babies, wish I knew their secret!

Op, I basically wrote the same post 3 years ago to the very week! I had a 7yo DD, had 3 m/c before the 7 week mark within a year and was 40. I had one mid February and was desolate. Decided I could not face ttc any more as it was crushing. I started a thread about how to accept it.

Early March I felt a bit sick, took a test and bugger me it was a bfp, conceived about a week after the 3rd loss. Despite absolute certainty it would all go pear, that pregnancy resulted in DS1.

I say DS1 because I got the same sicky feeling about a week after his first birthday and DS2 turned up in July at 43. Somewhat accidentally!

It's anecdotal, everyone is different, egg quality is worse in your 40's. But fertility is definitely not over. Both my grandmothers had late babies, and they were very far from unusual in those days. It's so hard but taking the pressure off can only be good. I was making myself so miserable, we could not go on with me being so depressed whatever happened. I hope it works out the way you all want it to.

Thank you @LimpLettice, thats such an inspiring story! I just feel so deflated about the whole thing, I constantly go from no, its over, just forget about it to wanting to just try one more time! My problem is I just dont know how I would cope with a third loss in a row!

Hi @gizmo167 I felt like this exactly a year ago and only one year younger than you. I was 41 (almost 42), had just had an early miscarriage and had pretty much given up then one cycle later I was pregnant with my now 3 month old so it definitely can and does happen! It was a relatively easy pregnancy (probably easier than with my 6 year old) and she's amazing. Good luck and hopefully you'll have some happy news soon.

Ah, @gizmo167 I do know how you feel. We conceived on a Vegas holiday, were 5 months from our wedding & really thought we'd cracked it. A close colleague had announced an accidental pregnancy, a close friend had a newborn...and then bam. I pushed a heavy bin down the path and started spotting an hour later. I blamed myself, and basically fell to bits. The 4th BFP was terrifying after all that. I took baby aspirin, btw, through both pregnancies, on the advice of a midwife in the family.

You have to decide how much you can take. I'd had enough, and decided we would rethink after the wedding. Ended up 11wks in a stretchy dress!