Anyone have experience of donor insemination?

[jennykb]

My dh and I have a 5 year old daughter, conceived naturally and miraculously after a failed IVF attempt, because of very low sperm count. We are both, though me in particular, longing for another child and have left it pretty late in the hope that miracles might strike twice, which they haven't. I'm now 42 so don't even know how successful it would be. We're also worried about what it would be like having one who is genetically both of ours and one who isn't. Anyone have any experience of this? This is my first post on MN.

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hi just wanted to bump this up, and say hi. I have absolutely no exp, but my clock is ticking, so understand what u mean there. I am single tho, so any answers would be interesting. my dd is 5 also, hope oyu get some good advice.

Thanks for bumping me. ASide from our own longing for another, I think a sibling would be good for our dd, but I think it was a mistake not to act more quickly after she was born.

a mistake? what way do u mean. I guess we all do what we feel is right at the time tho.

I am sure the time is righ tfor you now.

I didnt have any more, sooner for med reasons, then dh left, so i do feel that dd is gonnabe alone.

a mistake only in that my gut feeling is that it's too late now. I hope you're right that the time is right now. Sounds like you've had a hard time past few years. Are you ok with dd possibly being alone?

I don't have any children that are genetically from DH, but I do have a DD who was born with DI (DH is azoospermic). Can I help? What did you want to know? Neither of us has had any problem bonding with DD, if that was a concern, and she thinks that the sun shines from DH.

i feel for her, i really do, yet who knows what will happen. If i don't meet anyone inthe next couple of yrs then i might consider adopting. TBH my med reasons are still there, i had bad SpD, last time and therefore woon't really be able to carry another child, and be on my own, so even a donor is prob out the question, as my body isnt up to it.

I do feel that my daughter would benefit from a sibling, esp later on in life.

That's really helpful. Thank you. We're slightly concerned about how enamoured my dh is with our dd and whether he would feel the same about a DI child. I'm sure I would not have any problems with it and have a feeling that dh wouldn't either but we wouldn't like to bring a child into our family that would feel different or less special in any way. Have you been very open with your dd about her being born by DI? And do you know whether my age is any more a factor against me with DI than it would be anyway at my age? Thanks so much for your reply.

Yes PT, a sibling later in life feels important, especially being older parents.

yes i wonder that. even tho my dh and i arent' together, i feel the love for my dd, is 'becuase' of who she is made form, as well as 'who she is. iyswim.

No problem. DD isn't old enough to know about it yet, but we'll tell her gradually, in the same way that she'll gradually know about the birds and the bees.
To be honest, we did have concerns at first. Our fertility specialist actually made us have counselling before we made the decision, but in fact that was the best thing that we could have done, because it really helped us work out the issues before DD came along. In retrospect, it seems daft that we were so worried, but I'm glad that we took it so seriously (as you are). The counsellor lent us a book called "Helping the Stork, the choices and challenges of donor insemination" which was great. It was written in the USA, so some of the practicalities aren't relevant here, but all the emotional stuff was spot on.
We had private treatment, so I don't know if age would make a difference on the NHS (if that what you'd do).
To be honest, I reckon that there are quite a lot of parents to donor gamete children out there, but that we're mostly very quiet about it. It's a lot more "normal" that you might realise.
Hope this has helped.

PS, sorry, just re-read your message and I think I misinterpreted you. DI is actually more likely to get you pregnant than regular sex, as the sperm are taken over one of the normal hurdles (the vagina and cervix) and are of better quality than average sperm. Insemination is also very carefully timed. It's quite often combined with Clomid, especially in unexplained infertility in women, so that could be an option for you. I conceived in the last month before I was going to be moved up a notch and prescibed Clomid.

That's incredibly helpful. Thank you so much. We will be going private - too old for the NHS! But your experience is really reassuring so thanks again.