Long term TTC coping techniques

[Crazydoglady123]

Hey,

I've been TTC #2 for over 24 months now (this is my OH first child). We've had lots of tests etc and recently been on Letrozole and Clomid. My last cycle was on Clomid which caused me to end up in loads of pain and bloating so I took myself for a private scan it showed 4 ruptured haemorrhagic cysts on one ovary and a large rupturing cyst on my other ovary and both ovaries enlarged. I have a scan due with the hospital next Wednesday to check on them but I wasn't allowed to continue Clomid this cycle. I'm feeling really frustrated as my cysts are secondary to me releasing multiple (5!) eggs at ovulation and yet I still didn't get pregnant. I usually have a couple of down days at the start of a new cycle, like a little loss everytime AF comes but this month I just feel so, so consumed like I just feel like my head can't switch off from TTC. So many people I know getting pregnant too doesn't help! We have actually booked to start IVF treatment and have our tests booked in three weeks so you'd think I'd be more relaxed now, but if anything I feel like it's made me worse and I don't know why. I was just wondering if anyone has any mindset videos, or any techniques to try and help me switch off. I have so much stuff I can be doing but I just can't focus on anything at the minute 😞

It’s been over a year for us @Crazydoglady123 so not as long but it’s really hard. I wish I had something to suggest but I feel like I’d be the same as you and increasingly consumed the longer it goes on. I guess the only advice is to try to go for a walk or exercise or do something to take your mind off, but I don’t take my own advice. Had you had a follicle scan prior to clomid and did they see these cysts then? I had a scan and had a lot of follicles so I’m worried if I go on it I’ll end up in a similar situation (my progesterone is very low so I’m guessing it will be something to try with me).

It really is like everyone is pregnant and no one gets what it’s like when you can’t join them.

Thanks @thislittlebird. It's so hard to take your mind off of it. My OH doesn't understand why but he's such a positive person he doesn't let this affect him. Plus too it's not his body, so he doesn't have the daily reminder or having to be in tune with what's happening, just gets told that we need to DTD!
I had a Hycosy before I was started on Letrozole which was fine but my third round of Letrozole bloods showed low progesterone so I was then started on Clomid but do have a history of ovarian cysts and they are a side affect of it. I'm still getting a lot of twinges and pains in my ovaries occasionally and they're becoming more apparent the last couple of days. I'm guessing as I'm CD7 my body's starting to gear itself up to ovulate but the pain is just constant daily reminders of what's going on. I'm trying so much stuff these last couple of cycles like coenzyme q10, vit b, preseed, acupuncture, OH taking wellman so I don't know why I'm not being more positive and I just can't relax...

Me again @Crazydoglady123. Sending message two because I wanted to be of more help than my last message was and don’t know if you’ve done CBT but there is a document I’ll link to that helps me sometimes. Here’s two links in case one doesn’t work: pin.it/60ufJn3
www.thoughtsonlifeandlove.com/manage-anxiety-with-cognitive-behavioral-therapy/

Fingers crossed there’s something in there to get your mind to work with you whilst you’re finding things especially hard.

Crossed posts there. But yes, I get it, it’s so hard when your body doesn’t feel like it’s working with you. I’m starting acupuncture Thursday, how have you found it? Has it helped you relax at all?

Do they do a transvaginal ultrasound before the treatment started? I’m just curious as to what they look for and where before they start these drugs. I’m assuming that’s how your cysts were picked up. Have you found the pain is throughout your cycle or just when you’re gearing up to ovulate? It sucks, I wish some of us didn’t have to do all this.

Awww thank you so much @thislittlebird I will have a good read of them! I'm trying to look for some YouTube mindset videos to listen to tonight. I just feel like such a rubbish person to be near atm.

No there was no cysts there before I started Letrozole and moved straight on to Clomid without any checks. I started feeling really uncomfortable and in pain, especially DTD (which I've got before when I had a large cyst) around CD14. I spoke to the NHS fertility nurse where I've been going and they said there was nothing they could do so I paid for a private scan on CD21 which was internal and the sonographer was shocked and just kept saying "you poor thing, no wonder why you're in so much pain". I emailed my scan results to the consultant but as they had ruptured all I had to do was rest and manage the pain at home. I'm booked for a scan with my consultant on Wednesday to check the cysts but I haven't told him yet I'm going down the IVF route although he has talked to me about it before. My advice to you is to just listen to your body. Every time I've had cysts it's always been uncomfortable DTD so watch out for that as a sign. The pain and bloating I had was from the fluid in the ruptured cysts leaking is an irritant to our insides (felt like acid!). I think that hasn't helped me mentally, as I'm still a bit bloated now but at the time I looked pregnant and had an unusually long cycle with a symptom I had with my first- needing to pee so was convinced I was pregnant this time but was just getting BFN's and then came on late. Maybe I'm still getting over not a physical loss but a mental loss

@thislittlebird also acupuncture is meant to be so good for fertility! When I came off my depo in 2018 it took months to get my period back so I read about acupuncture so went and within 2/3 weeks AF came! I went Saturday again for the first time after the IVF clinic recommending it and am back on Friday for another session pre ovulation

I really like a YouTube channel by The Honest Guys @Crazydoglady123. I just find the man’s voice super relaxing to listen to for meditation/relaxation/sleep aid videos.

It really weirds me out because I had quite a lot of follicles when I had a scan and I keep wishing I had asked about cysts, but they didn’t mention seeing any but I wish I’d asked. At the moment it looks like i’ll probably do clomid private if I do it on the back of my progesterone results and my understanding is they do it with monitoring you pay for so I guess they’d look for that? I hope so. Good to speak to people like yourself who have done it though, hard to know what you’re looking for when you get into all this.

The mental loss is really tough. I have to say, after a while every month can feel like a grieving process. Or every other month, but sometimes you can think it might finally be happening and then it doesn’t and it’s very hard to deal with.

I’m really looking forward to the acupuncture. I heard it can be good for lack of progesterone etc so I am prepped to tell her all about the issues they’ve found and hope she can needle me in the right direction. I have had much lighter periods the past few months and I’ll mention that too, it’s not normal for me.

I've spent all evening crying. AF is due tomorrow and I can feel it coming so I know this cycle is not going to happen. I'm single and TTC with a donor which has all sorts of logistical challenges with lockdown.

I don't really have any advice because I'm totally failing to put it out of my head but you have my sympathy.

A lady on another thread shared this to me and I'm going to try it tomorrow. I'm going to over the next week try and reduce the time I allow myself to think about it and when I start to, distract myself. I'm going to try and set myself times I'm allowed on fertility apps (like mumsnet and the cycle tracker I use etc). Hopefully I can get this under control a bit 🤞 This is the link if anyone wants to have a read
thefertilitytribe.com/blog/how-to-stop-obsessing-over-getting-pregnant-mental-health-tips-for-coping-with-infertility

@thislittlebird yeah the acupuncture can be adapted for your needs. I think if you go private for the Clomid you'll definitely be monitored more closely than the NHS. That was my reasoning for deciding how's the time we go down the IVF route again as I don't want to be put back on Clomid and left to it so to speak.

@bitheby I'm sorry to hear you're feeling down too. It's such a rocky journey this and sending you hugs

Thanks for the link @Crazydoglady123! It might be useful for me too ngl.

Makes sense re ivf route and at least you can get the ball rolling and use your nhs cycle (you might have more in your area).

Hi @bitheby. That sounds hard, I hope you’re feeling a bit better today?