DH wants to start ttcing no. 2 , I would like a 3 year gap

[Tapster]

DD is one in a couple of weeks. DH wants to ttc in January if not now, I'm beginning to want a 3 year gap so I can spend quality time with each child (I would probably only want 2 kids). I am 37 so I don't have time on my side. I got pregnant first month with DD but I know as I get older it may be harder to conceive. I had an awful pregnancy (and birth) the first time round, can I put up with the sickness/pain and run after a toddler. Also its very likely I will have to have another c-section so not pushing pram and looking after a toddler seems a nightmare prospect. I have very little family help.

I know it would be good to get the nappies part of out of the way. Also there is a financial implication of me not returning to work for a longer period as I am planning to continue to be a SAHM until the youngest goes to pre-school. My head says yes start ttcing no.2 in january (increased risk of miscarriage/abnormalities the longer I leave it etc..) my heart says a 3 year gap for the sake of both children. I suppose I should just let nature take its course.

You sound exactly like me. Conceived ds in a month and then started to wonder about the age gap. I was nearly 35 when he was born and we started ttc when he was 18months old but it took us a year. I suppose I am saying that these things are not quite up to us, but don't go for it too soon if you know it really would be too soon for you.

as much as you can try to plan these things, i would just leave it up to nature tbh. we thought we'd give no.2 a try when dd was 2, carefully planning the age gap we wanted, however, 2 m/c's later, it was quite clear that it wasn't going to be as easy as we thought.

ds finally arrived, with a 3.5 year gap between them, they adore each other. i'd say just go for it, once no.2 arrives, you'll wonder why on earth you thought about waiting.

Well I have a 2 yr 2 month age gap between my two.
Would have been 2 years if had conceived straightaway.

I know of friends who also aimed for a 2 year gap and ended up with, variously, a 4 year gap, a nearly 3 year gap and just over 2 year gaps like me. I think if I were you I'd be worrying that if I started ttc for a 3 year gap, would end up with a much larger gap than had anticipated. But then I am a worry wort like that.

Still want No. 3 at some point, but will prob wait longer this time (already have actually since ds is now almost the age dd was when he arrived).

WRT older child still in nappies, it wasn't a problem. DD was potty trained when ds was about 3 months old, very quickly.

3 years is a bit long imo
their relationship with one another is easily as important and as lifelong as their relationship with you
my children with 2 years between them are closer than the bigger gaps
good luck with whatever you decide x

I have a three year gap between dd and ds and plan to have it again with a third. i think it is a great age gap, each child gets quality one on one with you, dd started school in september and ds and i have a great days together before picking her up. It depends how easily you conceived first time as far as planning goes- i am 36 but still wouldn't try until ds is over two!

Hi Tapster. I was nearly 37 when I had dd (my first) and have a 21 month gap between dd and ds (also had a miscarriage inbetween). All I can say that I have found and am still finding it very, very hard work with that age gap. Like you I was aware of not getting any younger etc but looking back I do wish I had had a bit more time with just dd. Having said all that, I think it depends also on what family support you have, in my case I didn't have much and I think that made a huge difference.

As others have said, I am sure you will do what is right for you and your family, but don't be pushed into a decision by your dh because ultimately the lion's share of the hard work will be yours.

Hope this helps.

I know I know I should start in January, I'm just so knackered and can't see where I fit another child in! I know I need more help. I love being a mother but being a housewife is not for me. DH is not domesticated at all and can't cook and hates cleaning (don't we all) but also doesn't want to spend the money on a cleaner. I'm just so stresed in trying to do it all and except for playing with DD its all repetitive, mundane and boring arghhh. Can't see how I can fit another child in, I can't manage at the moment. DD just started sleeping through again so maybe that will help...

Tapster - you have a right to enjoy your children! Sounds like at the moment 1 is enough to be going on with
Here are a couple of thoughts 1)Dh may be keen right now but in a few months as dd gets into her stride as a toddler, he may feel differently - do you have any friends with toddlers? I would leave him alone with them for an hour or so - bet that will have him aspiring for a longer gap - toddlers are brilliant - they're just a lot of brilliant at once! 2) Re finances - if you did go back to work before ttc you would then qualify for SMP - and I think I am right in saying that the mothers of babies due April 2009 onwards will qualify for 12 months SMP. Therefore if you could go back to work for a bit and ttc next summer (July onwards for April due date I think )you could have the best of all worlds