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Conception

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Who (if anyone) do you tell you are ttc? And why?

13 replies

Spink · 31/10/2007 09:25

just wondering...
We tell close family, but that is partly because they aren't badgerers and don't ask for daily updates , and it lets me off having to make up alcohol etc excuses with them.

I'm going back to work next week, mat leave ending , ds is 8 and a bit months old. We've been ttc since AF returned, about 4 months ago. Had a v early mc (chem preg) in Sept, on our 2nd cycle, and have had 2 cycles since (now reaching the end of no 3).
ANYWAY.
I'm wondering about telling my manager we are ttc. I know this might sound a little crazy cos it can take a very long time. But I want to focus on discrete projects at work, rather than very long term ongoing stuff, so that when I do go off on mat leave again, I can look back and feel I've achieved specific things.
And I would like to avoid the whole thing of covering it all up, and coming up with rubbish excuses for not taking on long term contracts. I've got a returning-to-work meeting with her the day after I get back, and know she is full of ideas for career progression for me, so future plans will be a major focus..

OP posts:
Spink · 31/10/2007 09:27

Oh yeah, and I tell dh. Only fair I reckon

OP posts:
MrsTittleMouse · 31/10/2007 10:21

We told no-one for DD1. And thank goodness, as we had massive fertility issues. Then we told very close family that we were having fertility treatment. I couldn't cope with everyone knowing and wondering. And just as well I didn't tell my manager, as it was 3 years after we started TTC that I would have needed maternity leave!

dooley1 · 31/10/2007 10:22

Oh no I wouldn't tell your manager.
You can discreetly tell them when you are pregnant but not before imo

pinkpeony · 31/10/2007 10:23

I would think twice before telling your manager, as you have no idea how long or short it will take you to get pg again. And people at work can get funny about it. Even if you start working on long-term projects, once you do get pg, 5 months or so will be plenty of time for your manager to organise a handover for your projects to someone else before you go away on maternity leave. I think people at work can be prejudiced against women who start families, especially if you are just coming back from maternity leave. On the other hand, it is a good idea to talk to your manager about re-adjusting from this maternity leave, and maybe you can suggest shorter projects as a way to phase back in.
Personally, I have only told 2 very close girl friends (also thought I could use some advice from them as they have children already and I am TTC number 1), but that is a personal choice. And I do have my family badgering me about when I will give them grandchildren etc. But as I also had a MMC recently just do not want to discuss TTC with most people.

HonoriaGlossop · 31/10/2007 10:25

Agree with dooley. You don't need to share this. just proceed with career plans as if you were going to be going ahead with no further breaks for children - that's your right.

i didn't tell ANYONE on the grounds that if people tell me they are TTC it just gives me mental pictures about them that I really don't want

FrankAwenstein · 31/10/2007 10:27

Dont tell your boss as ttc can take quite a while.

I told my mum and close friend and mumsnet as had fertility treatment.

soosy · 31/10/2007 10:50

No don't tell anyone at work. My boss was vile he asked me as soon as I got back from my honeymoon when I was going to get pregnant and we had fertility issues too. I never got a payrise after I got married and actually i left work after I had a miscarriage and never had had any maternity leave. I agree though tell you other half - might be handy!

Cheekster · 31/10/2007 11:03

I second that. I didnt tell my boss but unfortunately when I had a mc they obviously worked that one out. Im a primary school teacher and since returning they are being awful - theyve taken me out of class saying theyre worried about the children because I might have a lot of absence due to me having 2 week off when I miscarried. Ive made it really clear that I dont want to be moved out of class but to no avail. I feel so bullied! Ive got the union on it now.
Please dont tell your boss unless you know you can really trust him/her. Id hate for you to be in my position.

anniemac · 31/10/2007 11:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pixie04 · 31/10/2007 11:16

I got a promotion the month we decided to ttc. My manager and I had the whole "future plans" talk and I didn't mention anything about babies. I'm glad I didn't as someone who was openly ttc applied for a position within our department and didn't get the position. I have a sneaking suspision that it was because she was ttc. Also I got my promotion 9 mnths ago and haven't gotten that BFP yet.

I have told a couple of close friends as I need to talk about it sometimes as it can be stressful but I personally prefer most people not knowing.

Spink · 31/10/2007 12:26

thanks for the advice.
I've decided that I won't tell her - pinkpeony I might use your idea about the whole adjusting back to work being a reason that I'd prefer shorter chunks of projects to start with.
Think I'm in denial about how long making a baby can take - we were lucky with ds, 2nd cycle I think, a bit of a shock that it happened so quickly!

OP posts:
hanaflower · 31/10/2007 12:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTittleMouse · 31/10/2007 12:54

Agree that you have to be very careful about who you tell before the 12 week mark, unless you're happy about leaks. It nearly killed my Mum to keep DD a secret. We told her at 5 weeks, and didn't go public until 14 weeks (when we had nuchal fold and blood test results). Every week she would tell me "I haven't even told someone who doesn't know you" or "I haven't even hinted". Argh! Hinting is telling! Telling someone I don't know is telling! Bless her. When I finally told her that it was common knowledge I didn't get to tell anyone about DD as she then rang up everyone we know and told them herself. Even when we found out her gender, a close relative admitted that he had feigned surprise when I told him, as my Mum had instantly been on the phone to him and told all. On the other hand, I don't think that I could have a more enthusiastic grandparent.
So, my advice is, don't tell anyone!

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