TTC sex becoming a chore

[Bailey415]

I have finally got my peak today on ovulation test and my partner 'isn't in the mood' to DTD. I'm so angry at him although I am not in the mood either but feel so desperate to start a family that needs must!

Abit of background...Myself and partner have put off ttc for a year due to covid and now we are more than ready. This is first cycle and havnt told anyone that we are ttc nor does partner seem to understand the whole process so driving myself insane. Cycles seem to be all over the place so when according to the Flo app I was ovulating partner was up for it for a whole week. Once I started testing with ovulation test strips 2 weeks later I'm finally 'ready' and he's lost interest.
Iv had some bad news of lately and lockdown is hitting hard this time around so I too don't exactly feel frisky but needs must!
Partner just tells me to 'relax, it'll happen when it happens!' But I'm a control freak and can already see myself obsessing daily with ttc.
Any advice to stop sex becoming a chore, timing it right so we are both in the mood or just someone in the same boat!? It's so difficult when you havnt told anyone your ttc and you have a lot to get off your chest!

How old are you?

@Bailey415 i found my husband got really overwhelmed with too much detail. I left a lot of it out in the end and just left it until he’s asked the questions. Might be worth not telling him when it’s peak time etc and follow the smep method to keep sex regular but not scheduled.

@SleepingStandingUp for her question, age isn’t relevant I don’t think.

Me and my husband have decided to start TTC. We both have very low sex drives abs have sex about other month- sometimes longer. so while he wants to take a relaxed approach I said we categorically cannot do that. I'm worried about him not being in the mood when it comes to it either. They just don't understand it's just a few days but they're important!

I think unfortunately you are right @Arrierttyclock - once isnt going to be enough unless you have super clockwork cycles and can agree to hit ovulation day or the day before every time.

@Bailey415 my DH got really freaked out the first month that he knew that x day was the important one and struggled to DTD because of that. He now is used to it and we have sex when we please usually but he said to me last night "next week is the important one, right? So we will make sure to put our backs into it then!" Haha. So he did get on board as he learned about the cycles.

Some people will tell you not to tell him anything about the cycles as it's not sexy (fair, it isnt). I dont agree with that really - we both want a baby, we are in this together, why should women do all the emotional and practical work of TTC?

Don't tell him when you're ovulating just instigate sex.He doesn't need to know and it'll be less pressure.

SleepingStandingUp for her question, age isn’t relevant I don’t think.

It's the first month of TTC and she's already angry with him for not performing on demand. If she's 25 my advice would be to try and relax and just enjoy having plenty of sex roughly around when she's ovulating, keep it relaxed and give herself a chance without the pressure.

If she's 42 that's less helpful, so I'd suggest sitting down and discussing how conception works and the plans for when they're not really into it.

Blinding him with science is something I'd avoid if they're 25. If might be necessary if they're 42.

I'm not suggesting a 25 is less entitled to be stressed, but without any drip feed of fertility issues, it is less necessary.

‘It will happen when it happens’ makes me think maybe you do need to explain to him how it works and the stats on it (20% chance of falling pregnant doing it at the best time), my husband definitely got it a lot more once he understood the process and we had been unsuccessful for ages.

He likes us both to enjoy it (even though sometimes I’m like just do it already) so we actually bought a vibrator which changed the game! He didn’t have to spend time warming me up, we both enjoyed it and saved a load of time considering how much we were trying 👍🏼. Of course this isn’t everyone’s come of tea and was his idea which made it easier.

Good luck!

OP step 1 is to not even mention ovulation, fertile windows, etc its a right mood killer. My DH doesn't even known about my ov tests, apps and I doubt he even knows you can only get pregnant in a certain time frame. He would be put off if I told him and then would be worse for me if he withheld sex. Keep it to yourself. I've found a quickie in the morning ( DH loves ive always hated but at the min I don't mind 🤣🤣) and then at night try to make more special. My DH is over the moon because I used to have a very low sex drive coming off the pill changed that 🤣🤣 good luck

@Chica1990 vibrator is a must 🤣🤣 my hubby loves them (not on himself 🙈) but using them on me it makes it more fun and I read that orgasm can actually help to conceive no idea if that's true but it can't hurt 😉

I'm 29 but we have been together for 10 years holding off in order to be as ready as we can be plus another year due to covid etc so at the very first opportunity to conceive I wanted to be on the ball and right or wrongly assumed he would be too! Perhaps I am being unreasonable for being angry at him but il be honest I'm desperate to become a mother and the mental strain of getting your head around ovulating, testing, cycles etc without telling a single person is a lot!

I looked into the smep method and that has helped to reassure me at least enough to get back into bed with him last night and not smother him! Today's a new day and tonight I try again without the mention of ovulation, peaks or apps!
Thanks ladies xx