Low fertility, 39, and really, really, conflicted regarding third child.

[SelkieQualia]

I know this isn't the first message on this topic, but I really need help!

I have 2 kids, 7 and 4. I've always wanted 3, husband has would have been happy with 2, but would go for a third to make me happy.

I've had some infertility that can't really be treated (I don't want IVF), except by just trying. We've been trying since my youngest was quite young. I'd just about given up, and was ready to move on.

I got pregnant at the end of last year, but had a second trimester loss, which was very traumatic.

After this last baby died, I've been desprately wanting to conceive again.

Do you regret your third, especially with the large age gap? Do you regret not having a third?

My third was born when the older ones were 5 and 7, after two miscarriages.

I don’t regret it but it’s hard work, having to do things for toddlers when the older kids want more adventurous walks, family games and films etc. We have to divide parenting a lot, one with the toddler while the other does something with the older ones.

I guess I would always have wondered “what if” if I’d stopped trying after the losses though. I’m not sure how I would have coped with choosing to stop, so we kept going.

You always regret what you don’t do rather than what you do. Especially when it comes to kids. What is the fertility issue? If it’s something like a translocation mutation then trying ivf may make sense. If it’s pcos or a clotting disorder then there are some things you might be able to try at home

Thanks Peapotter - the trying to do things with a much younger kid is one of the things that is really bothering me. We do heaps of outdoor stuff like hiking, and my oldest is just at the age where he can manage a good hike. Would I be ruining family days out forever?

Thanks GrumpyHoonMain - there are some things I can do, but I need to be sure that I want to, before I do them!

It really does make hiking difficult. A baby is ok but a 4yo and a preteen is tough. We often split up.

But it is only a phase. I personally wouldn’t let it stop me trying, but it’s good to have in the back of your mind as a positive, if getting pregnant doesn’t work out.

That's a good way of thinking about it. How do you go with entertaining the oldest when you're talking the youngest to playground s?

Our local playground is in a big park so the older kids bring bikes, balls etc.

We tend to do more walks with toddler pulled on balance bike, or cycling with toddler seat. Toddler is carried a lot to keep up if we go hiking, and the 10yo goes just with dh a lot. It’s not ideal but it’s been good for the older ones too, they realise it’s not all about them.