Same sex couple TTC, mid - late 30's. Give IUI a go or straight to IVF?

[AfterEightAnyTime]

Hi,

So DW and I have been thinking about extending our family (I have a teen from previous relationship) for quite some time now....but we thought we'd wait until we were in the middle of a pandemic before we really got started 😬🤦‍♀️

I had very good fertility results, but that was a year ago, so don't know how that stands now, so am booking in for another test.. DW, who is a little younger, is also going to get tested, as she may want to carry in the future.

Question is, given the success rate is higher with IVF than IUI, certainly at our age, from what I read, should we just jump straight to IVF rather than potentially throwing money and time down the drain on IUIs?

I know there are no guarantees either way and I understand that IVF is physically and emotionally much more draining, but - and hindsight is a wonderful thing - I have heard other couples who are the same sort of age say time and time again,
that they wished they hadn't bothered with IUIs.

WWYD?

Thank you!

@AfterEightAnyTime Hi, I’m kind of in the same boat though not in a same sex relationship, we’ve been weighing both options up and if there was a way to avoid the hormones and things involved with IVF I’d go with that but then if you have the added cost of paying for sperm donor you want more possibility of success. Perhaps see what a consultant suggests if your under a fertility clinic.

@Kev1984, it's difficult isn't it. Have you had your tests?

We were in your position but with no previous children. We went straight for IVF firstly because IUI anyway uses injected hormones and because the cost of potentially using 20+ sperm samples was crazy (we wanted 2 kids and they said IUI averaged 10 tries).
We had four rounds for our two kids, it was fine. I had 3 of those rounds for baby no.2 and for the try that worked I had mild IVF — I wish we’d done that for all 4 goes, since we were theoretically not infertile.

@MySocalledLoaf (great name) That's great, that you managed to have your two children 🙂 So your first child was conceived on your first attempt?

Did you have all the fertility tests beforehand? What age (if you don't mind me asking) were you when you started? Also, did the consultant try to convince you to give IUI a go first?

@AfterEightAnyTime yes we’ve had quite a few tests. I’m 37 in March so we really need to make a plan and go for it. We spoke to consultant about IUI but as my partners sample is the issue she advised ICSI. I’m just reluctant and worried I guess.

Yes, we had all the tests, results fine. She was 35 for the first try, worked first time, I was then 36/37 for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th. The clinic left it up to us but said most of their f/f couples over 35 went straight to ivf.

@Kev1984, I see. Well it's such a huge decision! The amount of uncertainty, the amount of money potentially lost. It's all quite overwhelming, before you've even begun! Is your plan to make a decision before your birthday?

@MySocalledLoaf, I was reading a little about mild IVF last night and apparently it has a much lower success rate than standard IVF, but is that based more on the fact that most women who have IVF have fertility issues? I would love to avoid as many drugs as I can, but not if it meant it was unlikely to work.

For me the trouble with the regime they put me on was that it was based on data from infertile women, so they hit me with high levels of hormones that reduced the oocyte quality. Mild ivf worked amazingly. (I had clomid and 1/6 of the level of hormones.)
Unfortunately there’s not much data for theoretically fertile women, though there must be plenty having ivf for male factor infertility as well as f/f couples.
We would also have tried natural cycle ivf, where they just pick up the oocyte you were naturally ovulating. I guess the price for that would be lower as you wouldn’t need any medication.
The advice they give you might also depend on your donor. We used an anonymous donor aged 21 with a previous successful pregnancy but an older, known donor might have a lower success rate meaning that you can’t risk the mild approach.
We also went to a clinic that targeted f/f couples, with a specific website and open day. They had more knowledge from the work they were doing, which I think led them to recommend mild ivf, plus it was nice to see a lot of f/f couples in the waiting room.

We also had ICSI, btw, recommended by the clinic for frozen samples.