All girls family question

[Commalia]

I want to hear honest things about growing up in all girls family households.

We have three beautiful healthy girls we are beyond grateful for. Though my husband never says it, I know that deep down he wishes to have a boy. That said, he really loves his girls and is a great dad thankfully.

People around us always warn us that three girls always end up with confidence issues especially the middle one and all three girls family they know have some confidence issues. I hope and pray they are wrong.

So part of want to try for a fourth because we always wanted four. And if we end up with four girls at least less to worry about "middle child syndrom". And if we end up with a boy at least they will have a brother and male figure their age they can trust and I guess creates less confidence issues I guess if people are right about this.

Is there any truth to it?

I guess I want to hear from families growing up with three or four girls. Either your kids and yourself with your sisters. Please tell me nice things about growing up in girls households not having a brother? I keep worrying about this, not just for my husband not having a son but my girls not having a brother..

I really genuinely don't mind all girls and very happy and feel blessed. I just want to make sure for them it can be nice / exciting to have sisters and not quarrel/ teenage years drama etc.

I grew up as one of 3 sisters.

Yes there can certainly be some issues. There are also loads of positives and we are all really close and have a brilliant family dynamic together as adults.

I don't think any of the negatives would have been improved upon by us having either a little brother or a 4th sister. Families are complex and the interactions can't be predicted or controlled. There's no such thing as a perfect combination of number/ages/gender mix of kids that will be worry-free because every child is an individual, with their own personality and needs.

Of course if you want a 4th child then go right ahead, but doing so is not a step towards specifically improving the lives of your existing 3 daughters, or attenuating any potential problems they may have. So if that is your main aim then I would advise that creating another child isn't the best tactic to achieve it.

I'm the middle of three girls so have some experience with your concerns! For reference we are all 4 years apart. First things first - I think that middle child syndrome (MCS) in girls is avoided the same way it would be avoided with mixed gender siblings: by treating your children equitably and as individuals. And tell the people 'warning' you about confidence issues in female middle children to feck off (I'm not joking)! I will admit I have some middle child issues but it is mostly from other people (not my parents) projecting onto me. As in, family acquaintances would ask me so much about typical MC issues that I started to think...is this how I'm supposed to feel? I look back on it and feel so annoyed at those people now; like take your issues and stuff 'em. Having said that I was significantly more confident than my female peers growing up so it's not like being a MC is a confidence death-sentence.

My parents also put us in different sports and encouraged us to have different hobbies. This was specifically so we weren't competing with each other! I hadn't realized it as a kid and only know now because my mom told me a few years ago. They also didn't make us hang out with each other or force an older sibling to let a younger sibling tag along.

In terms of my dad wanting sons deep down - not much you can do about that really. I bet if you had all sons he would want a daughter.

@TTCAbroad that's so good to hear! And yes I agree a lot of times people's comments become self fulfilled prophecies. You wouldn't have thought of it if people don't keep mentioning.

So its a good point I should keep it out of my mind and certainly my middle's daughter mind as she grows up.

The point about different sports is really good and great advice thanks!

@KihoBebiluPute so true! Each kid is their own person and I should stop over worrying. I tend to be anxious so doesn't help but thanks for that! I think sooo much attention is given to the kid's gender when they are born and its such a huge deal but then as the grow up, its about personality and how they are. I just wish people would stop putting so much pressure about having "balanced" families gender wise. Balance is about so much more.

Im the oldest of 6...5 girls and the youngest is a boy. Theres 14 years between me and my youngest sister. We all get on really well now for the most part. As kids, my teenage and early twenties when they were still young I don't think I hardly spoke to them but now they regularly turn to me for help being the oldest and i do what i can to help them

Op this must be the third thread you have started.

Your one regarding you thinking of going for gender selective IVF pointed to the fact that your FIL was desperate for a DGS to carry on the name? It now seems it's your DH?

Did you ask about having IVF to select a boy yesterday?

Hey yes but I posted on the thread that I completely changed my mind about IVF! Was already quite uneasy about it.

If you read my other thread, I said I feel my DH secretly wants a boy but he never once said it.

So here I am trying to relieve my anxiety / guilt and understand how others who grew up in girls household were and so I can be comfortable about not having a boy potentially if the fourth is a girl.

Sorry for the posts but going through dilemma and thought this community can help

People in the real world are nasty enough with their comments about same gender families, I thought maybe going online people can help provide advice or opinion to relieve some anxieties. Anyway @MarthasGinYard sorry if the posts are bothering you.