Decided to pause TTC - advice?

[Giraffle]

So after a year of trying we have come to the decision to pause trying to conceive.

I’ve just been offered a new job which is a much higher position and salary than my current, at a company who you tend to work for life and we wanted to make sure I gave everything I had to this so I can have a successful start and get us in a better finacial position after Coronavirus ruined our finances.

We have an 18 month old boy and he is everything to me and I want to offer the best he can have and our next baby. But it feels like I’m grieving something. I know we’re only pausing TTC for a year, for me to get settled but it feels like after trying for a year I’ve lost all of that. I’m not sure that makes sense. It’s hard to describe. I know it’s the right decision and I know that long term this will make me happy career wise. I just can’t help but feel heart ache over knowing we won’t be welcoming a newborn anytime soon.

I think part of it is also starting contraception again and knowing the affect it’ll have on my mental health, worries me. Plus having endometriosis means I struggle with fertility anyway so it’s just playing on my mind of what if when we try again I won’t be able to have another baby. We only ever planned on two.

I’m just wondering if anyone has advice for fighting these feelings of grief/sadness? I’m happy about the new job, and excited for a new beginning, I guess it’s just not the one I was expecting.

@Giraffle
Sounds like it’s been very difficult to come to your decision but after everything you’ve written, it does sound like the right one.

You mention about going back on contraception again and it affecting your mental health. What contraception will you use? Would you consider just using condoms so it takes the pressure off you putting all the burden on yourself? If it’s just a year, perhaps going onto and having your body take time to adjust only to come back off and adjust again isn’t the right idea?

Congratulations on your new job too! Setting you and your family up for a brighter future sounds fantastic xx

Hi, I had a different reason for pausing ttc for a year in 2019. I'd had 2 miscarriages before having my first child and then another miscarriage a few years later trying for a second child. My head and heart were a wreck from the losses and I knew I needed time to heal before trying again so I had my coil put back in. I knew it was the right thing but also worried because I was late 30's and knew that by delaying ttc, I might be throwing away my chance to have another. I remember getting my coil fitted and calling my mum up in tears because it felt wrong even though I knew it was the right thing to do. She just said something to me that made me feel better which was - I can always chance my mind and it's true. I'd made the decision but it wasn't permanent, I had the free will to change my mind whenever I wanted. Suddenly when I looked at it like that I didn't feel so bad and it didn't feel like such a 'big' thing.

It's the same for you. You've made a decision but you can, if you really wanted to, change your mind at any point. You could change you kind next week, next month, whenever. It's not permanent and if it feels wrong or you have regrets about your decision you can undo it.

Once I realised I could change my mind if I wanted to, I felt a lot better and in the end I did stick to my decision to pause ttc until the following year and was lucky enough to have my second in 2020.

@cat8986 thank you for your kind words. Condoms for me makes sex very painful (it’s been discussed with doctor and we have a reason now), but it means I can only go on other contraception. I’m only allowed progesterone only based so options were limited to patch, pill, implant, coil or injection. I’ve been on them all in the past and the pill worked best for me with least side affect but still affect my mental health. My doctor this time has put a plan on place to review me every month to make sure it’s not too bad. Thank you, I’m hoping it’ll be a nice fresh start and will help us get in a better situation! ☺️

@Aria2015 I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriages. Thank you for your kind words, I have that in my mind and I know I can stop taking the pill if I want to. I think I just know I need to give myself this year to get a good standing at the new job and it will help my family massively. ☺️

What about the hormone free coil @Giraffle? Wishing you the best of luck with your job

@TheDaydreamBelievers I’m not wanting the coil until after my second because it emote long term :)