Down about TTC

[TTCnum1]

Perhaps naively I really thought TTC would work out the first time. I'm 25, DH 33, both healthy and fit. We DTD every day of my fertile week, tracked fertile week using clear blue and I know exactly when I ovulated because I get really bad ov pain...but AF showed! I'm now on cycle 2 and I'm not sure I can cope with any of this anymore! I don't want to put myself through the disappointment each month because if it didn't work the first month when we did everything correctly then how will it suddenly work next month? We have both been taking pre conception vitamins for 4 months and we used conceive plus lube so we literally did everything!
I really admire those people who can deal with this every month because after cycle 1 hitting me really hard I'm ready to throw in the towel!
I think I'd got my hopes up that I'd be 12 weeks on Mother's Day in March and could surprise my DM that day with the news. Now I just feel sad.
I've bought more ovulation tests but I'm not sure I want to use them as I think tracking has caused stress. I want to pay for private fertility MOTs but DH thinks it's too soon

Don't beat yourself up about it it's totally random. I'm on month 8 of ttc with a miscarriage in January and already have a 14 month old which I conceived on month 3 ttc. You probably don't need the fertility MOT but it's no harm. It will happen. Also track the cervical mucus, I read the book "taking charge of your fertility" it explains it well

The chances of conceiving first time, even if you do everything right, is 20%. Its normal to take up to a year. I would try not to get too upset, although it is difficult, as you may have many more months of trying ahead of you. It is hard but you'll find you can cope with more than you think!

I was exactly the same first time, we were both at peak fitness and perfect weights, young and healthy etc. We DTD every day of fertile week too and OPKs confirmed ovulation, I then had spotting a few days before period which I was convinced was implantation bleeding but wasn't.

I put in the notes on my app how disappointed and sad I was and that the following month I wouldn't symptom spot. DTD every night exhausted me too, so second month we did a version of SMEP and conceived my son :)

I think even if everything is 'perfect' the stats are still only 20-25% each month so don't beat yourself up.

Keep going! x

Hey @TTCnum1

I know it’s really difficult, the first few months hit me the most too. I’m 26, DH 32 and we’re both extremely healthy, fit, had private checks and all is “as it should be” we’re now on month 13 TTC #1 but #2 for DH and it’s tough but as everyone else as said it can just take time. I know that doesn’t help, but lots of people take 6 months + it’s just the people who fall instantly are the ones to shout about it ☺️ Sending you lots of positive vibes and baby dust. Mumsnet is a really good place to come, let your feelings out and find like minded people 🤍

Thanks everyone, your messages have really cheered me up. Especially realising I'm not alone! I just keep seeing pregnancy announcements everywhere...from Z list celebrities and also close friends. I've wanted a baby for about a year but it wasn't the right time to try...now I wish we had started sooner

@TTCnum1
You mention using OPK gave you stress last month. Why not give those a miss the next few months, just so you don’t put anymore pressure on yourself, and especially as you ovulation pain anyway so you know when you ovulate.

A lot of women use them, but doesn’t mean they’re right for everyone. I use them, but they actually keep me from stressing out oddly. Keeps me reassured things are happening in there!

Best of luck to you. Stay relaxed and keep doing what you’re doing! Xx

Ttc is just really gruelling and I think it should be talked about more. I know some people conceive the first month they try, many don’t! Some people conceive quickly but have recurrent miscarriages. Some take ages to conceive and have straightforward pregnancies. Some take ages to conceive then suffer from miscarriages. It is a tough process I think. I wish I knew more about that before ttc. I am in my 9th or 10th cycle now, took us 8 months to conceive then had a miscarriage in mid December. First period arrived today but it is very light so I have no idea when my next normal cycle will be. All you can do is keep trying, stay healthy and try not to worry too much. But a lot of people find this way harder than media/society leads you to believe and I def think there needs to be better information out how long it can take and how much can go wrong, as it seems to catch so many people by surprise. I guess taking about it more helps...

I laugh wryly about the times I had period scares as a younger woman just because a condom split or my period was late! I have been basically bathing in sperm for months now and it’s had barely any impact

I think loads of people go through this, if that helps? It’s hammered into us all the way through that it’s so so easy to get pregnant. And then that turns out not to be quite so true. Although in your case, you’re young, and it really really should be fine. Good luck!

There's only a 20-25% chance of conceiving each month, so when you look at it like that, it makes sense mathematically that for most people it will take more than 1 month. I'm also 25, DH is 28, we're both relatively healthy yet we are on month 10 TTC without a BFP.

Don't beat yourself up if it doesn't happen first time round. Many couples take up to a year or 2 or even longer. Don't give yourself a time limit or stress yourself trying to track your ovulation as this will cause more stress and disappointment. As long as you're dtd every few days, you have all bases covered then you can relax. It is a hard journey but it will happen when it happens. x

@Sparrowfeeder
‘Bathing in sperm’

Hahahahaha!! Perfect description!

Spot on @Sparrowfeeder :-D LOL!

I remember getting the morning after pill when I was younger and panicking after one time (probably not even in fertile time), now I feel like I need a degree in advanced maths to pinpoint! x

So true that what they tell you at school is basically that if you as much as touch a man you could get pregnant even if on your period. They make out that it's soo easy, which could not be further from the truth. Good luck OP I'm sure it will happen for you sooner than you think!

Hi Op i felt the same it was so important to me i got my BFP before last Monday so various reasons and instead I start AF on Saturday! I'm now on cycle 3 and had enough of it

This thread popped up on my feed so just wanted to say good luck everyone. Think it was cycle 7 where I conceived. Not stressing about OPK's, not telling husband when fertile days were to avoid stress on his part and just focusing on having regular sex across the month was what worked for us in the end.

This is my first post, hello! Such a relief to not feel alone and know others are in the same boat.
I’m on my third cycle. I stopped taking the oestrogen-only pill in Oct 2020 and started taking preconception vitamins, my OH is also taking Wellman (conception).
This month I tried the pre-seed lube as I’d read marvellous reviews, although appreciate it’s not magic!
I am 12 DPO today, I haven’t taken a test- as I took 3, yes 3 🤦🏽‍♀️ yesterday and they were all negative!
Judging by my last 2 cycles my AF is due any day (my Premom app doesn’t correctly predict it yet) so I’ve told myself I won’t test again until Monday.
I was sick twice yesterday morning, but understand that’s rare to be a symptom at this stage. Also have a very white and chalk-like discharge (sorry if TMI!!) which is slightly different to normal but can’t find any info online about that.

Just started cycle3 and personally cycle 1 bfn hurt the most. This forum is full of wonderful people who are here to support and understand. We've just got to hold our heads up high and carry on. I know it's hard xxx

@JessD2B You may want to input your historical cycles in the premom to get a more accurate prediction.

@Louisa199 I didn’t have AF at all whilst I was taking the pill so I don’t have any data to input unfortunately.
AF arrived this morning, just as Premom predicted- so it was right this time! It doesn’t predict correctly my O date until after I get my peak test, even though it’s been either CD 13 or 14 so far it still predicts it too soon.

Hey, I have the same app and got the same issue. Their customer support told me that the app's original ovulation predictions are mainly based on your previous cycle length and historical data. When you get the peak, it will readjust its ovulation predictions.