Male infertility/vasectomy suspicions

[Wineandcakequeen]

I wasn’t sure where to post this but to keep it short, I’m concerned I’m being made a fool of by a potentially infertile man whilst ttc. We have been trying for 4 months and nothing is happening. I know I ovulate and everything is fine in that regards. I conceived my older children first try. I know it can vary and pregnancy can take a year or more, but there is a nagging feeling that he may have had a vasectomy and not told me. He has 4 children with his ex wife so I know he is/was able to produce children up until 2 years ago, and he was adamant he wouldn’t have anymore despite knowing early on it was a deal breaker for me. He was the one who suggested ttc weeks later.
Apologies for tmi, I have noticed his semen is like clear ewcm whereas I’m aware the majority of men produce white-ish semen. Apparently clear semen is a sign of fertility issues. I may be looking too much into it as I’m desperate to conceive, but has anyone else had experience with this or can confirm the semen colour in relation to fertility? I don’t want to make accusations or raise my concerns at the moment, as I’m aware I could be overthinking and everything is fine or it’s me with the issue. Anything I should look out for to confirm a vasectomy/infertility?

To be honest if he’s become infertile that’s not his fault and infertility can result from lowered sperm counts or quality brought upon for a number of reasons eg started smoking, dietary and stress changes etc. I think it’s quite a jump to assume he’s had a vasectomy just because you are both lucky enough to have conceived before. The sudden change of heart though on having kids is a red flag and quite a big one. You might want to post on a higher traffic topic but without the comments on general infertility which could be insensitive to many.

If he fathered a child only 2 years ago he would have had to had a vasectomy quite recently, how long have you been together?

He might have a scar on his testicles if he has had the snip

Are you sure he is the one you want children with he has four children already?

Plus he has already changed his mind very fast from no kids to kids how do you know he won't change it again?

You're this suspicious after only 4 months? Give the bloody guy a chance

You can buy otc sperm testing kits.. Suggest looking into it and watch his reaction.

It's only been 4 months. You're both older than you were when you last conceived children so there could be fertility factors on both sides due to ageing and lifestyle changes.

I find it odd that he's changed his mind so quickly though. I wouldn't assume a 'secret vasectomy' though.

he was adamant he wouldn’t have anymore despite knowing early on it was a deal breaker for me. He was the one who suggested ttc weeks later

How long have you been together? I’m confused. Early in the relationship he said no kids but weeks later he suggested TTC and you’ve been trying for 4 months? Sorry if I’ve got the wrong end of the stick. I’m wondering what the rush is if you haven’t been together for very long? Does he live with you?

Changes in ejaculate
While the composition of a man’s ejaculate will change after a vasectomy, it is more or less impossible to notice the difference through sight, touch, taste, etc.
The only change in a man’s semen after a vasectomy is the lack of sperm. Since sperm account for no more than 2% to 5% of the total volume of a man’s ejaculate, this change is not noticeable under casual circumstances.

I don’t think you would notice from the sperm if he has had a vasectomy.

I’m also a bit confused about dates. It sounds like you’ve been with him less that five months and already four months into ttc!

He has four other children, the youngest of which is around 15 months old, you’ve been TTCing for 4 months so it’s a very new relationship. You have children.

Maybe this is a sign?

Thanks for the replies, I know I am being paranoid but it almost feels like the sudden change of heart was because he knew he couldn’t produce children and it would salvage our relationship if he agreed. He’s a good dad to his children and he’s great with my children as he’s known them all of their lives. We didn’t begin ttc immediately when he changed his mind, sorry for the confusion, we have been together for a year and known each other for 11 years, I told him we’d improve our health, diet, take folic acid etc and talk about it again in a few months which we did.
I will try the suggestion of a fertility test and see what happens from there. If it’s infertility of course it’s not his fault and I would support him, I just don’t want to be lied to if he can’t conceive by choice. If he has had a vasectomy it would have likely been after his ex wife fell pregnant with the youngest as he was a ‘surprise’ baby so any time from around 3-4 years ago.

Why the rush? You've only been together a year. You might have known each other for 11 years but it's still quite a new intimate relationship- what's the hurry for more children? You talk about him quite perfunctorily - you sound like you're talking about a sorry donor rather than a partner iyswim? If there are doubts then probably holding fire on the ttc front is sensible. Trust is really important and it doesn't sound like you trust him?

If his had the snip it leaves a hard pea size lump in each testicle. Not sure how you would examine without it being obvious but they are definitely there if it's been done

Why do you think he is lying to you about having a vasectomy? Is there a trust issue? It has been 4 months which isn't very long and you know it can take longer to conceive. Why the rush? You have been together a year? Why are you desperate to conceive after such a short time being together?

Has it really been a year, though? I remember your post from April last year talking about how your were single, had tried sperm donation, and had no way of meeting anyone during lockdown.

This is a very new relationship, your objective seems to be to get pregnant. Even though you’ve known each other a long time, you were together just months before deciding to TTC. You have trust issues. You have teenage children living with you.

It just all seems very full-on and not sustainable.

@VodselForDinner

Has it really been a year, though? I remember your post from April last year talking about how your were single, had tried sperm donation, and had no way of meeting anyone during lockdown.

This is a very new relationship, your objective seems to be to get pregnant. Even though you’ve known each other a long time, you were together just months before deciding to TTC. You have trust issues. You have teenage children living with you.

It just all seems very full-on and not sustainable.

The plot thickens!