Hi all! First time ttc questions

[LadyInParis]

So im going to Tunisia (my fiancé’s home country) and we are finally tying the knot (14th February so Valentine’s Day.) Covid wise no problem from France to Tunisia, and the marriage stuff is mostly booked and more getting booked by the day.

So that means after this cycle (I’m on day 2 of period it just started last night) I’ll be ovulating not long after the marriage. In other words I GET TO TRY FOR MY BABY FINALLY!!

I’m 33, have the Flo app, not on birth control (well condoms atm) so can get started pretty much immediately on my wedding night

Any ideas? Is having ovulation tests worth it or crazy making? Shall I see a doctor before trying for baby? Should he? We’re in good health no drugs I don’t drink he drinks lightly and if I ask him to he won’t at all. (Sometimes the smell can trigger some trauma from past) in other words alcohol isn’t a big issue he does smoke though which he knows he has to stop. The drinking is in moderation now id even say low but I’d rather he stop that too.

I don’t drink and I smoke an e cigarette. I’ll have to give that up won’t I? Oh god. Patches?

I’m so excited but nervous!

Also I have a thing for sniffing strong lavender I know it’s really weird but it helps me sleep at night. Will that cause a problem? I just put loads of drops of lavender on a little bag cushion thingy and smell it and it helps my anxiety as I have terrible anxiety. If it is slightly harmful is it better than taking Valium which I need at times?

I sound like a teenager but my mum killed herself when I was 13 and my Nan was like a mum to me and she died too so really I don’t know a real parent relationship so me becoming one, well I am naive on things I guess!

Help please I don’t even know what I’m asking!

I’m gonna check my Flo app and see when I ovulate nearest the wedding (I installed Clue which I haven’t used yet and Flo which I have started now)

Ok my Flo thing says I’m on my period on my wedding night 🙄 great! He just joked I can just give him a blowjob then 😂 he really is joking he’s wonderful about boundaries and never pesters or anything. He wanted to make me laugh cos I was upset I wanted to be ovulating exactly on my wedding night 🙄😂 ok so it’s saying day 16 of next cycle for after the wedding, so the 27th. It’s annoying just waiting for the ovulation.. is that normal? Why can’t they just give us eggs every day to try?

Also what is a luteal phase?

And also I have anxiety and I’m so scared I’m not at all fertile, I have always worried about this I don’t know why! If I am having periods then I am ovulating right? Or can you have regular to the minute period cycles and not ovulate?

Congratulations OP!

My advice would be not to get bogged down with predicting ovulation etc. It’s hard to do accurately and so can be counter productive. The best way to maximise hour chances is to have sex every 2-3 days throughout the month, and remember that it may not happen right away but that the majority of couples conceive within a year of trying.

You don’t need to see a doctor but can if you would like. It’s unlikely to make any kind of difference though.

Stopping the smoking and the e-cigarette will definitely help, so it’s a good idea to kick those habits if you can. The occasional drink won’t be an issue. The lavender is no harm.

Are you taking a folic acid supplement? If not it’s a good idea to start now and continue through your first trimester when you do fall pregnant.

Hope it all works out for you!

Ok I keep reading other conception threads and just saw follicular phase... what is a follicular phase????! Perhaps I’m too naive .. but I thought I was very sexually aware- generally speaking. So now I’m hearing about follicular phase and luteal phase and all this stuff, I feel stupid now! Though to be fair it’s my first ever time ttc

@Terracottasaur

Oh thank you so much! Ok so supplements from now. I have vitamins which cover most stuff (the usual vitamin B and C and zinc etc) not folic acid though. I’ll get that. I also read that men can take pregnancy supplements too to maximise their sperm mobility and quality, do you know anything about this? I’m so excited but not looking forward to the tww I see so much on here- I’m not too patient as is! Haha I’m soooo excited! So shall we both do all the quitting and vitamins and supplements from now? Or quit only when we actually start trying? I’ll send him to the pharmacy for patches and for supplements for us both today if we need to be quitting from now might as well start it all! Are you trying?

The occasional drink won’t be an issue. The lavender is no harm. This is good (I don’t drink but he likes a small beer at stressful times after work and I need my lavender for stress also!) thank you!

Oh I also have bartholemew cysts or whatever they are called, the tiny little cysts, on my cervix. This was spotted years ago and they weren’t concerned about them but I wasn’t ttc then. Will they be an issue?

“nabothian” cysts 🙄 where did I get batholmew from?

Hi @LadyInParis I have one of those cysts on my cervix, I have had 3 great labours and pregnancy's.
Follicular phase is the time from the day your period starts to day you ovulate (growth of follicle)
Luteal phase is what we all call the TTW (two week wait) so the time between ovulation and period due.

Get an app and start tracking your cycles, have sex every couple of days and good luck xx

Relax and enjoy your wedding! Don't fret about too much but I would get OPKs so you can pinpoint ovulation, although newlywed I am sure you will be at it plenty anyway!

Taking folic acid is definitely recommended. Don't worry about the lavender - I do the same and did throughout pregnancy. Don't worry about drinking / smoking either, it's not great but it's not an issue necessarily particularly if it is going to make you overly stressed, just phase it out slowly.

Don't get overly wrapped up in Follicular, Luteal phase etc.. but basically you start your period and that is CD1 (follicular phase is between here and ovulation), if you usually ovulate on eg CD15 then around CD10 - CD15 are your most fertile days. Luteal phase is between ovulation and your next period (average 14 days).

Main thing is to relax and try not to overthink everything (easier said than done I know!) xx

Congrats on your up coming wedding. Its clear your anxiety is very much at the front of your mind. have you considered getting counselling to put things in persepctive? Anxiety wont help TTC, and it sounds like you are really worked up before even trying!

I dont know about France, but some countries will do a basic health check prior to TTC. They might check BMI, your vaccine history (whopping cough immunity and rubella), blood pressure, discuss healthy eating, lifestyle and folic acid etc. In the UK, it doesnt seem common to see your GP before TTC and my GP did absolutely nothing!

I use a reusable, salive opk. I found the urine ovulation tests were expensive and never worked on me, whereas the saliva one did. Best f luck x

Haha the first thing I noticed was that I thought you'd be on your period for your wedding too and then I saw you came to that realisation yourself.

How regular and long are your cycles? Start taking folic acid as of now, track your cycles and if you don't have the stamina to do the deed every 2-3 days throughout the entire cycle I'd suggest focusing on doing that the week leading up to and after the ovulation predicted by the app.

@marcella64

Thank you that was very helpful!! I was so worried about them and the effect they might have.. I was imagining them being like road blocks for sperm

@Amz6219

Thank you also- informative without being too confusing or overwhelming!! Thank you.

@Elouera

Thank you I think you’re right, I’m already driving my fiancé mad with it because if I’m not obsessing on one thing and getting anxious it’s another and he hates seeing when I get to peak anxiety as he doesn’t want me so stressed. And of course this isn’t good as you said for ttc or having a baby either so I will take this advice as I think counselling now, through any pregnancy if I’m lucky to have one, and during early motherhood will really help. I didn’t even consider it but a brilliant idea thank you.

I’m the same about France, no idea what they do here!! I think since I’m English I’ll just follow the English protocols! Luckily being here means one Covid test and off we go to Tunisia, if I was in England with the lock down as it is then a wedding would be impossible. We were meant to marry last year then it kept getting pushed back cos of Covid and now here it’s just a simple Covid test and can go get married- I was so fed up of waiting! I’m so excited and I should focus on my wedding but I keep looking at the conception threads especially the successful line eyes ones!

@Juno231

Yup.. period on my wedding night great! I asked him should we just do it this cycle just in case it sticks because I don’t want to waste an egg I’m so insane. It’s because I’m 34 in may I’m convinced I’m losing all my eggs and will be too old. Definitely an anxiety thing! He said stop it now before you get stressed, you have years of eggs left etc. So logical he is! I do love him!

I’m very regular! Very much so. Usually about 3 or 4 days period, then nothing until ovulating which I can usually track by the fact that I get raging horny! Then period. Clockwork. But I have just bought Flo app and so will track properly now. I’m so pissed off about Miss Period wanting a fucking threesome on my wedding night

I’m not too highly sexed luckily he is great about that (and very excited for baby making because of that haha!) so will probably be a mix of though out the month and then just ovulation times. So as not to be too medical and boring about it all! And in case I catch an early ovulation or something. But mainly to stop it becoming a chore and me with my anxiety hyper focussing etc- as it won’t be sexy for him! I will be sending him later for folic acid and patches to at least lower his smoking and my e cigarette use if we can. He needs some eye drops anyway so he can grab those and maybe some ovulation tests too. Or is it better to order all the test stuff online?

I really need to relax and walk away slowly at this point don’t I.. Put down the phone Nikki.. Have a tea.. Step away from the baby obsession..

Thanks all. I’m gonna step away now-
because he was as usual totally right- that I’ll get all stressed and completely obsessed! Thank you all. I’ll be back don’t worry about that and I’ll share any line eyes when we start! Thanks all

Oh - another thing you can track is your cervical mucus! If you get stretchy egg white like mucus you know you're super fertile and it's time to jump on OH. That's normally in the run up to ovulation - remember it's important to sleep with him then and not wait until ovulation itself!

Egg white mucus should stretch an inch or so between your fingers so it's really easy to spot x

Ah yes I have spotted this before but didn’t know if it meant before ovulation, during, or just after so now I know!! That is very helpful, as I think me getting all the tests and doing temperatures and all that is just asking for anxiety central. I’m better to rely on my tracking app as a guide- to then know when to check for the eggy stuff, and just jump on him as you said haha! It’s more healthy for me and my overthinking. I really didn’t know it meant just before so that is such great info- I have tried looking it up before but it’s so unclear and mixed so I never knew. So that’s really valuable! Means I can just use tracker and check eggy stuff and have sex and keep it simple and healthy and also fun and not stressful! Thank you

@LadyInParis yes you can get it up to 5 days before ovulation - but that's perfect as those are the 5 days his swimmers can lie in wait for your egg :)

And you're right, if you're an anxious person then definitely keep it simple!

Where in Tunisia are you moving to btw, it sounds super exciting!

Yes the 5 days is rather a handy bit of biology isn’t it!

We’re not moving there we’re just getting married there as that is where he’s from, and his family have two homes one in Hamma and one in Gabes- we will be having the wedding in Gabes

He can’t get the kind of job he does now over there so sadly we have to come back here but it affords us a comfortable life so can’t complain too much!!

It is very exciting but my stress levels have been through the roof as I’m not only trying to organise a wedding, I’m trying to do it from another country atm through his family until I get there and can see for myself, and also it’s a totally different cultural style of wedding of which I am clueless haha! Not religious happily for me (and him! Him more probably) it’s the legal part. So the registrar comes out and you have a lovely table pen and ink all that jazz and sign the legal papers. Then the rest is a party! So I’m happy it’s secular. I really can’t wait!! I love looking at dresses and giant tiaras

And cake! For some reason the cake is very important to me ...

Congratulations @LadyInParis ! My advice would be to just have sex as other posters have said every 2-3 days and enjoy the next few months. Getting bogged down with ttc too early on in the journey can make it a lot less fun/more stressful and less likely to conceive!

Enjoy your wedding! I was trying to track ovulation over mine and my honeymoon and I was bewildered that I didn't fall pregnant. In reality, it can take and is perfectly normal for a healthy fertile couple to take 12 months to conceive. I actually didn't conceive until 8 months into trying! It ended in a missed miscarriage and I took another 8 months. Ttc can be a long and difficult journey so please enjoy it if you can rather than focus on all the ins and outs yet.

@Chanel05

Thank you so much! What a wonderful voice of reason and a nice dose of reality too which I feel I did need haha! You’re right. Ill “wooosaaaa” the whole thing as much as I can haha!

@LadyInParis that sounds amazing! And if you work here I'm already jealous about the fantastic retirement you could have in Tunisia with a lifetime of british pound savings