I chickened out and I now I regret it.

[TerrifiedOfTrying4No2]

My first DD turned one in December; was a great pregnancy no symptoms at all. The only issue was baby was growing small, few blood pressure issues and then my placenta started failing so was all a bit tense towards the end from 33 weeks we constantly had bags in the car ready to go in after every weekly scan. - she was born 37weeks at 4lbs 13oz - had to be by c-section as that was safest.

Anyway, I’ve always wanted a close age gap.. like 6 months ago wouldn’t been ideal but I’ve been too frightened. Now I want to get on and have another but the thought of having another c section makes me feel sick to the pit of my stomach and is really putting me off.

I would speak to your doctor. It takes longer to heal on the inside than the outside after a section.

My midwife advised a year and DD was a year on new year eve so think we’re okay to start trying.

Hi @TerrifiedOfTrying4No2
I fully get it. Myself and DD almost died during my labour that went very wrong and I was left too long before they took me in for a section. Ended up as lifethreating for us both and I had to be put under a GA to get her out then I lost over 3 pints of blood. I had serious POD and PTSD following it to the point that she’s almost 9 now and I’m only just allowing other people to take care of her and have gone back to work.
We’ve decided to try for another finally. DH wanted to try a number of years ago but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I felt physically sick at the thought of trying again and would have a panic attack whenever DH brought the subject up. I’m still absolutely petrified but my age means now or never really so have gone for it.
Ive decided I’m going to have counselling once pregnant to try and help me get through it and I’ll have to have an early planned section to be safe.
If you’ve healed nicely inside and there no other complications, there’s no reason you couldn’t attempt a vbac but deffo speak to your GP and maybe a midwife first. Having had one section you’ll be under consultant care once you fall pregnant so will have a nice team of experts to guide you through it too.
Good luck and sending hugs! Feel free to pm me on here if your ever worried. X

It’s also no chickening out. It’s reacting to trauma and totally normal 💗

What is it about a c-section you don't like? Was yours an emergency one? Both of mine were born by emergency c-section and I recovered well both times. There's 2.5 yrs between my DC's.

That wasn't meant to sound flippant if it comes across that way.

A planned section is very different from an emergency section. I've had very positive experiences with planned - think serene, tranquil, 5day recovery (ie no need for meds) compared to a very traumatic natural birth with invasive, painful procedures which took weeks/years to recover from.

Different strokes for different folks - talk to a consultant/midwife about ur concerns once ur pregnant, certainly don't let it stop u from conceiving!!

A year isn’t very long to get over a trauma so if you’re not ready yet it’s fine, wait longer. I know you want a small gap but even if you leave it another 6 months it’s still a pretty small gap. Under a 2 year gap puts you at higher risk of PND as well so if you’re concerned about struggling after another birth it might not be wise to have a very small gap. Give yourself time and take the pressure off. There’s no rule book and you don’t have to stick to what you thought you’d do before you had the first baby.

Thank you @Penguinmumma you’re right, it’s definitely a trauma issue.

@Okki - I suffer from general anxiety and I’m generally a massive wuss anyway. The c section itself was scary but calm and fine. It was everything, everything after that that was just terrifying beyond belief for me.
I was constantly worried my stitches would rip.
I was constantly worried I wasn’t healing inside.
I worried about getting sepsis/infections
It was so sore to move around, get up in the night ect
I generally worried so much that I felt worse than I probably actually was and just hated life for months

I worried about blood clots after surgery.

I still worry now a year on that my incision might magically explode if I do anything too strenuous.

It’s all down to my anxiety as the surgery went really well, was better than average and I lost less than average amount of blood and I didn’t get any infections post surgery. My healing was perfect and my scar is small.

The c section was planned but not by choice. It just wasn’t an emergency.

Really hoping foe a vbac but because I know it’s not guaranteed and your more likely to need a c section once you’ve already had one I am just terrified that’s what will happen.

Would you have to have another csection, would vbac be an option? Counselling and hypnobirthing may help you a lot too for either birth.

Did you have a birth review with a midwife. You should be able to arrange to speak to one about what happened, your worries and what the options are for future. I had an EMCS first baby and i was given the choice to book an elective or go for VBAC with my second. I spoke to everyone I could to try to help decide - consultant, consultant midwife, VBAC course, friends who had been through both.

I narrowly decided to book the elective but in fact ended up having a surprise VBAC on the morning the elective was booked.

Obviously only your Dr can give you an idea if you are likely to have placenta issues again or if that was most likely unique to that pregnancy. But VBACs are definitely possible - mine was absolutely fine even though it was sprung on me (I went from asleep to pretty much ready to push!) and I was on a fast for the c section.

I know it’s hard with the COVID situation but I’m sure talking through the worried and trauma would help - see if you can get a phone chat with a midwife.

Good luck

@TerrifiedOfTrying4No2 I think as mamas we sometimes feel like we let ourselves down by having a section, no matter the situation and even when we say we don’t feel like that, a small part of us deep down does.
Yours may not have been an emergancy, but it was necessary and either way, they are scary. It’s fully understandable to be worried about having another. Even calm ones aren’t pleasant as your effectively awake and having major surgery. The only reason they keep you awake is because it’s a birth. Any other surgery that big would be done under a GA.
The upside is this time if it was a section, you know what to expect and can prepare yourself for that sooner. That said, a vbac is fully possible. I have a friend who had 3 emergency sections and tried for a vbac with her 4th and it went like a text book birth!

I deffo suggest getting some support for the trauma side of things as you go through your ttc and pregnancy journey.

terrified and penguin - you've both been through experiences that have caused you enormous emotional/physical pain; cause you panic attacks, things terrifying beyond belief (in one's words) and so on.

I'm not sure that under those circumstances I'd knowingly and willingly set myself up again! 😕 A poster said 'don't let that stop you from conceiving', suggesting that that's the time to seek counselling. 😳 Really? I don't think that's great advice.

I had counselling and hypnotherapy after a terrible birth with dd1.

It worked really well for me, and thankfully, had a great birthing experience with dd2.

But this was 3 years after dd1 was born. It could be that it is just genuinely too soon for you to consider another one?

@Miljea I’m not sure suggesting that we don’t try is great advice either tbh. That just sets us up for a lifetime of regrets if we don’t and why should we have that?

Counselling prior to and during pregnancy is absolutely the way forward with this and not wrong at all.

This is why I posted, because I want to try again.. but also don’t. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place so it’s good to hear others experiences and it is helping me to rationalise it too.

We did DTD a couple times around ovulation and I was instantly scared I’d get pregnant first time around (unlikely) - I have actually come on my period this evening which again.. is a relief in some ways but I also feel very sad. I almost feel like if I’d gotten pregnant now then I wouldn’t be able to back out and then I wouldn’t be as scared.. as what goes in mist come out(as a baby!)

If you suffer from anxiety, is it possible that your worries would transfer to something non c-section related in a new pregnancy? Your DD is still very young, so perhaps counselling to address the fears you still have may be of more benefit as that could also help to assuage fears in a new pregnancy. You will also have built up a relationship with your counsellor so they could help you through. Good luck with whatever you chose to do.

I have therapy already but because of Covid it’s all done online and doesn’t feel as helpful as when I physically went to see someone years ago (have suffered all my life)

I think I’d worry about bits and bobs but not to this extent.

Is the therapy through your Gp? Have you tried CBT? Medication?

Yes sorry it is CBT. I was originally referred through my GP a few years ago and then I got a bit better so got signed off, so i just self referred myself this time to the same place.

Worth going back to GP? Meds can really help.